Flip-Flop Bill Frist

Vacation is over, so I decided to catch up on some news. Nothing much has happened really - except for one thing. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist flip-flopped on the stem cell research issue!

For my friends in the UK (and the rest of the world), Bill Frist is what you would call an arse hole of the first degree. He is the king of all arse-holes. None is bigger, or sticks more. Except for his boss, President Shrub.

As you may or may not be aware, President Shrub is dead set against stem cell research. Even when Nancy Regan, wife of republican hero Ronald Regan, asked for more stem cell research President Shrub said no. After all, the "culture of life", which Shrub claims to represent, is not compatible with stem cell research. But apparently the death penalty and war is! Go figure.

Anyway, Mr. Shrubs lap dog, Bill Frist, broke with his master and voiced his support for further stem cell research. So what gives? Here is my take on the whole thing.

President Shrub is playing up to the evangelical 10% - 15% of the population. He MUST suck up to this group if his little brother Jeb is going to make a move for president in 2008 or beyond. But what about the other 85%? They support stem cell research. The research may or may not turn out any results, but one thing is known. Preventing the research will NOT produce any results. Allowing the research may.

So if you are President Dumb Shit, what do you do? You must keep the 15% evangelical voting block happy, but you do not want to totally piss off the other 85%. And you can NOT flip-flop!! You are NEVER wrong! Changing your position means you can be wrong - and if you are wrong about stem cells you might be wrong about war!

So you do what any self respecting infallable human being would do. You have an underling do the flip-flop for you! This is what Frist did. He waffled so that his boss did not have to. Just like a good lap dog.

Now Bush can continue to suck up to the right to life people that support the DEATH PENALTY and WAR, but at the same time allowing the research to go on. He can veto a stem cell research bill, and know that it will still pass. This way, the fringe right will be happy that he (Bush) "did all he could, but the devil worshiping democrats got in his way", while the rest of the population will forget about the whole deal.

And most importantly, Bush will not have to say he was wrong. He will not have to flip his position. After all, the king is NEVER wrong!

Job Saga Part 2 - Formality And Protocol

Today's interview at the airport was pretty much a repeat of the first interview I went on a month or so ago - only there was one important difference.

The first time I went, I was interviewed by a team of two people. They seemed to be in a hurry to hire someone. I was told they would get back to me the next week, and they never did. I left a few messages that were never returned. So, I figured that the position was filled.

As it turned out, the formal process was not followed. Today I was interviewed by a team of 4 people, with one observer. Each person asked one question, then all 4 rated my answer. They told me that I would hear back from them "very soon".

The position is full time, but dried up in May 2006. I think this fact will prevent some of the applicants from taking it. I am thinking that if I get the job, it could lead to another position at the airport or another position with Dade County in another department.

I will have to walk a lot, but this is not a problem. Miami International Airport is easy to move around in - it is designed very well. Moving from one end of the terminal to the other can be done quickly using the moving walkway on the third level. Not a lot of people know about the walkway, so it is never packed full of people. I worked for TSA, so I know what I have to do to get past the metal detectors without alarming them (basicly, put EVERYTHING you have on the x-ray belt. No big secret there - the machines detect metal, so do not have any on you. Gum wrappers and medicine foil packages count as metal).

I expect to hear from them next week if I am selected.

Dead Milkmen

For those Dead Milkmen fans out there, check out this link! Then click "watch this movie".

Going Home

All good things must come to an end, and my week in Sanibel is no exception. Everything brought up had to be removed from room 156 and packed into one of the vehicles. I will not see the room again for 358 days. That works out to 21,480 hours. Seems like a long time, but the time will pass and I will be back.

I had to leave today for two reasons. First off, checkout time is 10 AM Friday, so it is not like you can do anything on the resort that day. I usually leave Thursday, in the evening, to avoid having to wake up before noon the next day. Second, the airport called me for another interview for a job. I have to be at the county office on the 4th floor of concourse E at 10:00 AM Friday.

Even still, it always sucks to have to leave this last look behind.

If you look closely at the above photo, you will notice something. See that fine haze in the background? REALLY far in the background? You know what that is? Florida people will spot it in a second!

Just a couple of miles on the road and I was in this. I got this photo while still driving, and while still on the island. I had not even hit the main road on Sanibel yet. I drive in rain all the time, but not always while pulling a ton of boat behind me. The good part is that the vehicle is less likely to overheat, the AC work great, and the boat and trailer got a good washdown. The bad thing is poor visibility and the increased likelyhood of hydroplaining. If you hit the brakes too hard while pulling something, you can send the vehicle into a skid and jack-knife the trailer, causing the object on the trailer to get thrown off and/or the tow vehicle to roll. And you can see how well I could see! The wipers were on high.

The trip home was ok. The rain let up, I only hit patches of rain here and there. When I hit Dade County, I was greeted by an impressive electrical storm. Lightning was striking all around my truck. It was cool. I even saw a tree get hit. It was smoking like Cheech and Chong after getting an ounce each. I got this photo before I hit the heart of the thunderstorm. Driving in heavy traffic while lightning is striking all around you is not exactly a good time to be messing with a camera.

The rain storm took aobut 30 minutes or so to drive through. The distance was only 20 or so miles, but traffic speed was reduced to a crawl. Here is what the traffic looks like on a normal day when there is not any rain. Notice the brake lights. This is on a highway where there are no traffic lights.

It is good to be back home. With the traffic and the other drivers who pretend to not see your turn signals, making changing lanes while towing a boat a whole lot of fun.

Only 358 more days to go.

Fishing and stuff.

I did make it out for some morning fishing. I even have proof.

I took this photo before I launched the boat. Anyway, the fish were just not there. Not only did I not catch anything, but I did not even feel bites. I blame the South Florida Water Management District for this, they dumped so much fresh water into San Carlos Bay that the salinity levels are lower than they should be. I was not IN San Carlos Bay, but I was not too far offshore either. Anyway, there were just not any fish. Nobody was catching anything. I did see a cool SPOTTED EAGLE RAY, so the day was not a total loss. The ray was after something, it launched itself out of the water. I have never seen a ray do this before.

Anyway, since the fishing conditions were so poor, the plans were changed to just cruise a bit. So I turned the boat towards nearby Pine Island, where my dad knew about a cool water front resturant. I forgot the name to the place, but it is on an ocean access canal. It was a 15 minute boat ride from Sanibel, but in a car it would take you at least 1 hour to get there.

Now in case someone reading my blog wants to move to an island on the west coast of Florida, I would like to take this time to point out a few properties that you can probably get a good deal on. The houses need just a little bit of work.This is house 1.

This is house 2.

And this is house 3.

As you can see, it is just a little bit of hurricane damage that needs to be fixed. And all three of these places are right on the ocean access canal! Waterfront houses at vacant lot prices!

The resturant survived last year's hurricane. Here is a good photo of the boat taken at the resturant docks.

The place had great food. Their shrimp were fantastic. I could tell that they were localy harvested shrimp, they were excellent. And prices were super reasonable. The place is very informal, you can pretty much come as you are no matter HOW you are dressed. Here is a shot of the inside of the place.

This is pretty much it for the boat. Tomorrow I do not plan on launching, and I have to be back in Miami on Friday. I am going to leave Thursday evening to drive home. It was great fun having the boat, I used it enough to justify hauling it over here. Next year I hope to have a BIGGER boat!

In the afternoon I headed back to Blind Pass to watch the sunset. I got there early, so I had time to check out cool stuff on the beach. Like these sea oats.

And these dunes.

These plants make the beach possible. Their root system holds the sand in place. Lots of (idiot) tourists think they are weeds and bitch about them, but the plants ARE protected and if the cops see you molesting the plants you will get a fine. I will just kick your ass.

And speaking of people who DESERVE an ass kicking, I would like to find the pig who did this.

I am not anti-smoking, but I seriously think that anyone who is seen using the beach as their personal ash tray needs to be shot on sight. After there are a few bloody spots on the beach sand where examples were made, Ill bet that smokers will watch their butts more closely. When I take over this state, the first law I will pass is going to be the "litter the beach and I kick you in the nards" act.

but in spite of the efforts of some nasty pigs, the rest of the beach was great.

The digital camera, as nice as it is, just can not capture colors worth a crap. None of them can. Good quality film is what you need IF you want your pictures to look right. In the above photo, there should be more reds and oranges. And in the photo below, the sea should be emerald green with orange light reflecting off it. But it is not. Use your imagination.

I was not the only thing watching the sun set in the west. This critter gets to do this every day.

There were other people too. I just try to keep other people OUT of my photos to make them look more nature-ie.

It was too cloudy to see the sun set into the sea, but nature still put on a decent show. For the price of admission, it was well worth it.

Lazy Post

Today is a lazy post day. I did not really go anywhere, or do anything. Of course this is not 100% true, I DID go to the pool bar and I DID drink a bunch of gin and tonic. Then I got sleepy. So I went to the room and made some sort of rum based frozen drink. Then I made another. The picture above was taken in the resort parking lot. I will get a better sunset photo tomorrow, unless I get blotto again.

My dad and I were going to try some night fishing, but that plan is scrapped. Instead, I am going to go fishing early tomorrow. This will work out well, I am fairly tired for doing nothing at all all day. Apparently, drinking is hard work. I am totally pooped out! And my liver hurts.

Blind Pass Nature Walk

Today, we will take a nature walk at Blind Pass. Blind Pass is where Sanibel Island ends and Captivia Island begins. Kind of. The two islands are not really seperated by much.

But first, lunch! And where did I choose to eat lunch? At the closest thing to a neighborhood bar on the island!

I like this place for some reason. The food is ok (not great or anything, just ok). There is no bar, only beer and wine. But I keep going back! The place has a very laid back kind of vibe. I had some chicken wings that were soooo hot I was sweating like a pimp with only one ho while eating my lunch. And I love hot wings! It is as close to "dank" as you can be without leaving the island. And they have cool neon signs.

I also like the front door to the place. It looks like something out of Spongebob Squarepants. I fully expected to see Mr. Crabs behind this door.

Another great thing about Sanibel is that the city has all but banned chain stores. You will not see a Burger King on the island. There is a Dairy Queen, but it opened for business before the no chain rule was passed. Of course, there are chain gas stations. One gas station is attached to a 7-11. And I understand that there is a Subway on the island now. There is also a chain drug store. But other than that, ALL shops and resturants are unique to the island. It was a great idea by the city to make that rule.

Anyway, time to head off to Blind Pass!

This is Blind Pass Beach. Part of it anyway. The beach runs north to south, so it is an EXCELLENT place to watch the sun set. I was going to get a cool sunset photo, but it was cloudy. I will go back before my week ends.

This is the pass itself. That bridge used to be over water. The Gulf Of Mexico took care of that. The last time there was water under this bridge was during the hurricane. They used to dredge it, but gave up years ago.

This is what you see when you walk under the bridge. To get this photo I had to wade out into about knee deep water past all the vegetation.

Most of Sanibel Island is a bird preserve. Large areas of the island are off limits devlopers, and set aside strictly for the birds. Blind Pass borders such an area. So, you can see lots of critters. Like this guy.

This guy is an Egret. They are everywhere on the island. Unlike the birds that only stay for the winter, these guys are here year round.

This guy is an Ibis. They are also very common on the island.

This is my buddy, Mr. Heron. This guy is not afraid of humans at all. Maybe it was because by this time I was walking around in soft mud and could not move very fast. At any rate, he allowed me to get close enough to snap this photo without having to use the digital zoom.

There were also TONS of water critters. I had never seen so many of these critters in one place before.

This is a horseshoe crab. These guys have been on the earth since the days of the dinosaurs. They are living fossils. Crabs and spiders are from the same tree, but these things are closer to scorpions than spiders. You can clearly see that in this photo.

Warm water must make these critters horny, because they were getting their freak on all over the place. The two I photographed were males, running across the shallow water at a high rate of speed. I tried to photograph some horseshoe crab porno, but the reflection from the water did not photograph well. I need to get a polarizing filter for my camera. Next year, there will be a whole lot more horseshoe crabs at Blind Pass!

And of course, all this nature CAN be yours year round. But there is a catch. You have to be able to afford a place like this.

This house is on the Captivia side of Blind Pass. I was on the Sanibel side. There is a channel by the house deep enough for a boat of up to 25 feet. Must be nice to have this kind of cheese. You can bet that IF I could afford it, I would have a pad on the island. Screw the hurricanes. If I could afford a house here, I could afford to rebuild it.

Lazy Iguana's Excellent Adventure To Cabbage Key

Like the sign says, welcome to Cabbage Key! Cabbage Key is a pretty cool place. It is privatly owned, but open to the public. There are no cars, paved roads, or bridges. To get there, you have to swim or use a boat. Here is a marine chart showing the location of the island. The whole island is about 100 acres. Do not forget to TIP THE DOCKMASTER! I did not tip the guy, because I did not use the main docks. I cheaped out :)

The island is more of a place of business than it is a home. The owners DO live on the island however. Hell, if I owned the place you can bet all you own that I would live there! The owners have a hell of a nice pad. I think this is the island owner's provate residence. It might also be the Inn.

I mentioned rental cottages! Here is what the cottages look like. Rates for a 2 room cottage without a kitchen is a scant $145 per night. Dockage for your boat is a mere $1 per foot per night. If you do not have a boat NO PROBLEM! Tour boats go there daily. By the way, rooms at the Inn are only $99 per night. Anyway, for my money I would nab a cottage.

There is also a resturant on the island. I ate lunch there. The resturant is built on top of an indian shell mound, so it is 40 some odd feet above sea level. Here is what the resturant looks like.

There is one unique thing about this resturant. Years ago, when most of the visitors to the key were commercial fishermen, a tradition was started. When the fishermen had a good day, they would leave a buck at the bar. When they had a crappy day, they could use their dollar to pay for the soup. Of course, when the place became popular with the boating public this is what happened.

People have left thousands of dollars. The walls are covered in bills from the roof to the floor. Every post is covered. So is the roof. The dollars are everywhere. It is like a stripper's fantasy.

People write messages on the money before they stick it up somewhere.

There is also a water tower on the island that is open to the public. You have to climb 40 steps, and this is what you see.

Cabbage Key also has wildlife up the wazoo. I found this fellow roaming about minding his own business.

This is a Florida Gopher Tortise. You do not see these things just anywhere. They are protected or something. Somehow, this non swimming reptile managed to get on an island. There are also playful otters that live on the island, but I did not see any. They only show up when a fishing boat shows up. The otters are fearless and WILL raid your boat. If they find your catch, it is gone. It is funny as hell to watch an otter steal someone's catch. They eat the fish, and leave the boat owner with a mess to deal with. Fish guts are everywhere. They also eat any bait you have left.

Tomorrow I will give the boat a rest, and take you all on a driving tour of Sanibel.

Day 1

Day 1 is over, and it was a fairly good day 1. As far as day 1s go.

I finished lugging all my crap up to the unit. Why is this a big deal? Lets see.

These are the stairs I have to lug all my crap up. There is no elevator. This building is sooooo not ADA compliant.

Here is what the stairs look like from the top floor where my unit is. I have to be VERY CAREFUL when I get drunk. One of these days I am going to fall down the steps.

And when I get in the unit, there are more stairs!

The bathrooms and bedrooms are up these stairs. Downstairs is the kitchen, porch, and TV and stuff.

And inside the unit, I found this.

I had never seen a shark advisory notice before. Really now, do I need a notice telling me that sharks live in the ocean? All this time I thought that sharks lived in swimming pools and mud puddles.

Anyway, I started the day off by going to the pool bar. While drinking gin and tonics, I thought that I wanted to do something. But what? Then I remembered that I HAVE A BOAT!

This is me in the boat. I wanted to bring the boat around to the resort, and do some general cruising. Nothing fancy.

It was a fairly calm day. I came around the island and anchored near the resort. There were three other boats anchored off the beach. My parents were hanging out on the beach and swam out to the boat. I was able to get very close to shore.

Here I am in the water. Remember that shark advisory notice? Well, I did not see any sharks. The water was very warm, according to the fish finder the surface temp was 90 degrees. So much for "no hard evidence of global warming".

This is the Sanibel Lighthouse. I snapped the photo on my way back to the boat ramp. You are looking at the south point of the island in the picture.

I also saw evidence of last years hurricane. This house is on the bay side of the island.

The blue tarps are still there! The owners of this property were either uninsured (it is almost impossible to get insurance for waterfront property), or are trying to sell the property as is.

But their neighbor is living large and in charge! This is what I saw very close to the blue tarp house.

Now THIS is a house even I could live in! It is a nice modest place. Not too flashy.

But I would not buy it. I would buy a house on the Sanibel Canal. The houses on the canal have a nice ocean access waterway, and a seawall that you can build a boat lift on. If I could afford to buy property here, I would also be able to afford a boatlift. And a nice 25 foot Corsair Marine power cat with twin 150 HP outboards.

Zoom Zoom Zoom!

Tomorrow's adventure - a voyage on my boat to CABBAGE KEY!

Early Start!

It is not even noon yet, and I am awake. I am getting ready to start doing whatever the hell it is I am going to do today. I already had a beer.

If you are here because I usually have my post for the day up by 2:00 AM, here are some things you can do to amuse yourself.

1. Check out ALL of Friday's posts! Chances are you missed one. Friday was a multiple post day.
2. Check out The Devil's Diary. This Canadian crazy person has some of the BEST short videos I have ever seen. He will not tell me where he finds the stuff, but trust me - it is fantastic! You MUST see the July 20 posts.
3. Have a beer! That is what I am doing.

The satellite radio is playing "Lazy Days" on the 60's Vibration channel. This is a great omen. Time to start my lazy day, on a lazy island, doing lazy things.

I MADE IT!!!

Well, I am here. And by here, I mean there. In Sanibel. An island off Fort Myers Florida. HOORAY!

It was an adventure getting here. First off, my dad was going to pull the boat with the Dodge Durango. This is ALWAYS a bad idea. Why? Because Durangos are made by DODGE, and that means only one thing.

The Durango broke today. My dad drove it to the gas station, filled the tank, then the ABS light started to go bonkers. The anti-lock brakes were not anti-locking. The Dodge dealer could not fix the problem till Monday.

So, this set off a whole chain of events. First, there was the standard "screw it! Vacation over!" line. My dad likes to bring all kinds of shit with him on vacation, so if everyone fit into my truck there is no way there would be room for all the "important" stuff. What did he bring? Salad dressing. And other shit like that. WHY?!!?!?!?

I reminded my dad that I pull the boat all the time. I use it more than he uses it (it is a community boat). My truck COULD pull the boat. And his old Honda COULD make the trip.

So the vacation was back on. I hitched up the boat, and all the crap in the Durango was loaded into the Honda and the open bed of my truck. Then we left. And only 1 1/2 hours behind schedule! Not bad!

I drove over here at 60 mph. But even at this snail pace, I had to pass two people who were driving even slower than me. What is the matter with people!?!?! I had an excuse, I was pulling a boat. Anyway, I could not use overdrive, because the truck would keep shifting into and out of the high gear.

Long story short, I bruned up 3/4 of the tank getting here. My tank holds 18.5 gallons. The distance is about 170 miles. You figure it out.

But I am here now! The first thing I did was take the IMPORTANT stuff out of my truck.

This is what the fridge looks like. When this photo was taken, there was only 8 beers in it. Well 7 beers. I was thirsty ok!??!

This is the freezer. I bought this stuff on the island. This is not enough booze, I will need more. What I bought was Myers Rum, and some crazy vodka made in, of all places, Ireland. Irish vodka? WHY NOT!

Once everything important was in the fridge or freezer, it was time to set up the wireless netowrk. So I did. You can see it in the photo above.

Now it was time to test the wireless device. It works fine! So far so good!

THis is the new crapper. It is really nice. The old bathroom had a large tile tub, and shower curtians. I like this new one much better. It looks cool. Very modern.Now it was time to stop screwing around and unpack the rest of the crap from the cars.

This is what my stuff looked like after the unpack. I crammed all this stuff in a plastic garbage bag. Unpacking was just a matter of dumping the bag.

And finally, I was finished.

This is my satellite radio boombox thing. It will not work on the porch, the antenna needs to look northwest. The patio faces southeast (I think). The radio works fine in my room, but not at all on the porch.

Oh well. Cant win em all. Now if you will excuse me, the frozen screwdriver I made is kicking in .

One More Post From Miami

OK I know I said that the next post would be from Sanibel. Well, I lied. I am still in Miami.

But I will leave soon. Very soon. The sooner the better if you ask me.

The boat is ready for towing. I cleaned out the mess in the truck! I got the lizard cages to my friend's place. Spaz The Iguana has a very heavy, large cage. It was a bitch to move. But I have a large flat bed trailer, made from what used to be a pop up camper.

I got a 6 pack of beer, a bottle of rum, and a bottle of vodka. I got good rum too, Myers! That is some primo stuff, so much better than the crap known as Bacardi. So when I get there, I can have a drink first thing. The apartment is on the third floor and there is NO ELEVATOR, so moving all your stuff in makes you thirsty.

I have all the computer crap ready to go. I also have my satellite radio stuff ready to go. It is going to be nice to sit out on the porch, listen to commercial free music (I LOVE SIRIUS!!), drink a few things, and post.

I set my wireless thing up to broadcast the SSID of "Connect HERE For A Free Virus". This should prevent someone from stealing my bandwidth.

The digital camera is all charged up and ready to go. There will be many photos uploaded.

All I have to do BEFORE I leave is:

1. Take the cats to the vet for storage.
2. Get mice so I can feed Max The Monitor (my non-vegetarian lizard).
3. Change the oil in the truck.
4. Finish packing.
5. BAIL! I hope to be on the road NO LATER than 1:00 PM, and sooner if possible.

I would have done more today, but having a strong work ethic (meaning I am STUPID) I did not call in sick today. I tried to skip out of work early, but that was not possible. They needed someone there that knew algebra 1 from 7:30 - 8:30. Oh well, at least I know algebra 1.

I have 4x(x)+7y-2 things to do before I leave. Graph this equation, and re-write it in slope-intercept form (Y=mx+b).

One More Day Left!!

I am down to my last day before I am on vacation. Here is a brief list of things I still need to do.

1. Clean out the truck (photos in the previous post)
2. Pack (I plan to use the plastic bag method. It only takes 5 minutes)
3. Take the lizard cages to the lizard sitter's house.
4. Clean all the garbage and junk from the flatbed trailer so that I have a place to load the lizard cages for transport.
5. Fill up the gas tank. All 18.5 gallons. Blah.
6. Buy some alcohol. I am going to vodka and rum. Possibly some te-kill-ya.
7. Cats have to go to the vet for storage. I will do this Friday to save some bucks.
8. Get the boat ready for towing. Everything loose on the deck has to find a home, and everything that can not be placed in a hatch needs to be tied down.
9. Move some other stuff to a storage place I have access to, so if someone breaks in while I am gone it can not get stolen. I do not care about the TV but I would rather my rifles stay off the street.
10. Other stuff I am forgetting about.

I have to work from 2:00 PM - 8:30 PM. A short day, but I get off late. Knowing me I will sleep in, and just stay up most of the night getting stuff done.

And of course, I will forget something. I always do.

The next post will be from Sanibel Island. Unless I forget my laptop. Unless I forget something, I will have a high speed wireless network set up. There should be an ethernet plug in thing by the phone. I have a wireless thingie I can plug into the thing by the phone. That way, I can blog from the porch. While drinking.

There will be some GREAT posts. I rant best when slightly drunk. Any more than slightly drunk and the word "glad" looks like this: kftz.

So Much To Do

Vacation time is creeping up on me. Normally this is GOOD thing, but then I remember that there is a lot of work involved in getting ready to go on vacation. Why is this? It seems to be so anti-vacation if you ask me.

One thing I have to do is clean out my truck. For most people, this would be no big deal. But I am not most people. I COULD have bought a standard cab truck, but I got the double cab (the truck is not any bigger, the bed is shorter in the Tacoma double cabs). Since I never have any humans in the back seat, I have to find other stuff to keep back there.

So what is back there? Two bowling balls, bowling shoes, a whole lot of red wire, towels, some glassware, and all sorts of other crap I never need in my truck but I keep it there anyway.

The front seat area is a little better. Sometimes, humans ride shotgun.

As you can see, it is a little better. On the floor is a dive flag, a can of coke, a strap wrench thing, and some paper I put there to protect the floor carpet. On the seat is my marine chart, and some tools I use for course plotting. That microphone looking thing is what controls my satellite radio.

At some point before I leave, I have to find a place to put all this crap. Some of it can go in the circular file, but most of it needs to be put away. That means finding a place to put it all.

But I am fairly lazy. Maybe this is why the bowling balls are still in my truck when the last time I went bowling was months ago. And add to this the fact that I am only 50% here right now.

It is very possible that all this stuff will go on vacation with me.

Only 70% Here

Today, I am only 70% here. Monday I was only 80% here. Tomorrow I will be 50% here. Thursday I will be 20% here. Friday, I will be 0% here, and 100% on Sanibel Island. This is only a problem at work. You know how work is, they expect you to be 100% there. Unless your job is something fun, like being the beer taster at Sierra Nevada Brewing Company.

But even with 30% of my brain already on Sanibel Island, I managed to make some mods to my template! I seperated my links into two sections, International Blogs and USA Blogs. Pretty nifty if you ask me.

I also got some email from a UK reader, suggesting that I was only interested in the States. After reading the post again, I discovered why. That darned potato link! It only allows postal codes for the USA. This got me to thinking - how can I tell where my international blog readers are? The answer is something called Geolocation. So does ANYONE out there know of a script I can add to the template that will create a geolocation map? I found one HERE but I can not figure out how to make it work seeing as how the site in in french. I tried to babblefish it, but it seems that I am unable to sign up.

So, if you know of a similar site let me know about it! It will give me something else to add to the template.

I would also like to make it clear that I love my UK readers. Most of my roots are from there. At least as far as I can tell. I know that some of my DNA is from Ireland, because I really like beer. Stouts and Ales are by far my preference.

I also drink tea far more often than I drink coffee. I do not drink very much coffee at all. When I go to the weekly dinner with my friends, it is a given that I order hot tea (at the asian places). I love green tea and jasmine tea. I will also slurp down a darker tea, like Earl Grey. I take my tea with no sugar. If the place does not have good hot tea, I order a beer.

After dinner we go to Starbucks. Not being a big coffee person, I order more tea. Usually the Zen Green or whatever the heck they call it.

Speaking of Starbucks, you have to try the new Green Tea Frappachino thing they have. It is pretty good. What is it? The best way I can think of to describe it is soft serve green tea ice cream. The evil bastards gave me a free sample, and now I am addicted - like Whitney Houston to crack. Well maybe not THAT addicted, but you get the idea.

The green tea lemonade is pretty good too. Order it without any sugar, and then add some if you think it needs it. I need someone to share my addiction with.

In other news, the $85 I plunked down on a dual bank fully waterproof three stage automatic battery charger seems to have been a good buy. My boat batteries have never been at 100% since I bought them. Why? Because the boat sits more than it is used. While it sits, the batteries self discharge slowly. Your car battery does the same thing, but people use cars a lot more than boats so it is never an issue. Your alternator charges your battery while you drive.

This charger will bring batteries up to 100% charge, then float them. A float charge will keep a battery at 100% without overcharging it. Everything is ready for my vacation. The countdown is on.

Exciting Stuff On My Blog. You Can Tell I Am Easy To Amuse.

This will be another post that covers a lot of stuff, but goes nowhere. Kind of like a Bush speech, only less depressing.

I would like to start by announcing that I have decided that is it far too easy to make Bush jokes. It is really not a challenge. It never was. Just ONCE can't we have a President who makes it a challenge to create jokes for? I suppose if this did happen the person whould be really boring, but I feel confident I could still make some jokes.

Anyway, from here on out I will limit the Bush jokes to only those jokes I consider to be REALLY good. Primo class A stuff. This will at least offer some challenge to me. For example, the above Bush joke is not primo class A stuff. It is more of a class B joke - funny but WAY TOO EASY to make. And not all that funny, compared to some other stuff I have come up with.

VACATION UPDATE TIME! I went out for a little test run in the boat. Last major outing, I noticed that the pisser was not pissing very hard. The pisser, for all you non-boat people, is what cools outboard engines. In the lower unit of a boat motor (that is the part that goes underwater), there is a water pump. This pump pushes water into the powerhead, and also dumps water on the driveshaft. This water is what cools the engine. Outboards have no radiator.

Anyway, the engine was not really overheating, but the stream out of the pisser was not very strong. So I removed the thromostats. This allows the water to freely flow through the power head. During todays test run, the stream was VERY strong. The engine ran a bit cooler, but not so cool as to cause rough idle. At sanibel I will leave the thermostats out, but I will have them on board in case I have to replace them for whatever reason.

While out, I saw another manatee. It had a bouy attached to it. The bouy was tied into the tail. I know that biologists are tracking the sea cows, but it seems that it is a bad idea to tie bouys onto a manatee. What if the rope gets hung up? Anyway, next time I see a bouy on a manatee I am going to cut it off and tow it behind the boat. At 40 mph. This ought to screw with someone's mind. And if it ruins their research - too bad. Let me tie a bouy to your ass and track you.

Next up for today, I am a CRAWLY AMPHIBIAN in The Truth Laid Bear Ecosystem! What does this mean? I really do not know. But I DO know I want to be a SLITHERING REPTILE. This is where you can help me, by linking to this blog. You read it anyway, linking to it from your blog will make it easy for you to check in daily. You get to have a shortcut to this blog, and I get to be a slithering reptile! Everyone wins.

I would also like to direct your attention to the E-MAIL link under the Wampi banner. You can use this link to send me mail. You can send me angry hate mail, or happy non-angry mail. You can even leave netural mail. I do not really care. But I do love HATE MAIL! I know that my opinions has to be pissing someone off. So vent your spleen! Here is my pledge to you - ANY mail, positive OR negative, will remain anonymous. I have no intention of sending spam (I am far too lazy to do this). I might use your email in a post, but I will NOT include any email addresses. I will also keep your ID on the downlow, unless you say in the email that you do not wish to remain anonymous. You have to opt in here. But even if you do opt in, all email address are TOP SECRET. Not even Karl Rove will be able to find out, his security clearance is not high enough.

ONE more thing then I am done. You will notice the "pass my potato" link under the blog title. By clicking the link and entering your zip code, I can see where my readers are (in the USA at least). This is not an attempt to data mine, I have no interest in your personal information. All the site tells me is what states people are in, and zip codes. All I really care about are the states.

Once you pass the potato, you can see the same information as I see. There are no secret things that I can access. To see for yourself, start your own potato! It is kind of cool. In a "I have nothing else to do" way.

Kind of like when Bush gets bored and plays "Spongebob Square Pants" on his PS2. CRAP! Another B rate joke. OK from THIS point on there will be no more easy-to-make Bush jokes. I will set my sights on someone else to make jokes about.

FIN.

Cleanup

On May 11, 1996 Value Jet Flight 592 crashed in the Florida Everglades, about 10 miles west of the edge of devlopment for Dade County. There were no survivors. The plane hit nose down at full throttle. The flight crew were tring to make it back to the airport for an emergency landing. The cause of the crash was illegal cargo (oxygen generating canisters) that went off and started a very hot fire.

I am part of a group that volunteers to maintain the monument built on a levee nearest to the crash site. It is more than just a monument, for many families it is also a grave marker. Only some of the families had anything to bury in a cemetary.

About 2 weeks ago some punk kids vandalized the site. It has been there 10 years and this has never happened before. The monument is out in the swamp, and is kind of out of the way.

The vandals hit about 20 of the pillars. There is one pillar for everyone that was on Flight 592. They scrawled crude obsenities. You can see how stupid they were, they spelled value with a F.

They painted nazi shit.

And they hit the pillars facing the nearby highway.

They also put a crude drawing of a plane crashing on one of the pillars, and they vandalized the polished granite stone with the names of everyone on board.

But there were people that were not going to tolerate this crap. Last weekend the group could not do anything, because of the near miss by hurricane Dennis. But this weekend something was done.

Some members of the radio club I am part of, members of Boy Scout Troop 599, and some people from the Fire Department went out to get rid of the paint.

You can see me in the above photo removing the paint from the marker stone. This was very easy to do, the polished granite did not give the paint much to stick to. By the way, I am the one in the upper portion of the photo (in the jeans). The stone was cleaned off in only a few minutes.

The Fire Department supplied a pumper truck full of water, and there were three gas powered pressure cleaners. So the paint on the pillars never had a chance either. This is the pillar that had some obsenities and the drawing of a plane crashing on it, HAD being the key word.

These were the pillars that had the nazi shit and the word "die" painted on them.

And finally, this is the marker stone after we were done with it.

After the paint was taken care of, the entire monument was pressure cleaned. We had the equipment, manpower, and the fire truck - and because more people than expected showed up the work went fast. Weeds were pulled, sand was replaced, and fire ants were killed. After the cleanup, not only was all the paint removed but so was any evidence the monument is 10 years old.

The police say they will step up patrols of the area. My dad works for the power company, he is going to try to help us get FPL to install a floodlight on a nearby utility pole.

And if the site is vandalized again, the group will be back there again. Maybe even a bigger group. This kind of crap is simply not acceptible. When some punk tags your wooden fence that is bad enough, but memorial desecration is much worse.

Check your local paper. The Associated Press picked up the story. Many newspapers will run it.

That White Banner

Some of you may have noticed that little white banner I put up on my blog. I saw it on other blogs, and decided to go with the flow and put it up on mine.

But it will never happen. Poverty can not be ended. Why? Let us explore that topic now.

We need poverty. Without poverty, there would be nothing left to exploit. And without anything to exploit, capitalism as we know it today could not function.

It is very simple. The name of the game is to produce stuff for the lowest cost possible. And how do we do this? Is steel any cheaper in the USA than it is in India? No, steel is a commodity and the price is set by the market. So is plastic cheaper in India than it is in the USA? No, once again plastic is a product made from crude oil, which once again is price set by the market.

So how do we lower cost? What is the one cost factor that DOES vary? Why, labor of course!

Labor in devloped nations is very costly. Workers demand a decent wage, benefits, vacation time, and so on. Society demands clean air and water. So to make anything in the USA, you have to factor in these costs. It is no wonder that production is moving to other places.

Now what does poverty have to do with all this? In a impovrished nation, labor is really cheap. VERY cheap. Workers have no concept of "paid vacation". Vacations are a luxury, something you only worry about once survival is taken care of.

And if you are worried about your survival, who gives a crap about the air? In very poor nations, people are in conflict with nature. Nature is the bad guy. Nature causes it to rain too much, or not enough. Nature causes storms that blow down your house. Nature kills your food supply. Nature is the bad guy to people who are sustinance workers. And if nature is the bad guy, you are less concerned about pollution.

So in areas of high poverty, labor is cheap, benefits are unknown, and pollution regulations are not very strict. Seems like a great place to set up a factory to me!

But we can still end poverty, can't we? Yes - IF you want to see the cost of everything increase ten fold. Inflation would sky rocket. The value of a dollar (and every basic unit of currency) would drop like a rock. Production cost would be out of control.

So we would STILL have poverty! Only more people would be living in it. Unless your wage matched the increase in the price of everything, you would end up with less. And even if your wage went up, this would only put more inflationary pressure on the dollar. So no matter what - you loose.

And what about the third world? They would still be poor. They would have more dollars in their pocket, but those dollars would be worth less.

So all this ending poverty talk, while it sounds good and may be a noble cause, is not realistic. The world can not afford it.

Darth Rove and the Evil Empire

So lately there has been a lot of talk about this guy.

But what is all the fuss about? Did he rat out the undercover agent, whose husband just happened to be a democrat? It shure seems so.

Of course, the definition of "undercover agent" is now in question. And what exactly does "expose" mean? Does that mean you have to use the agents name? What if you only mention that "Joe's wife is a CIA agent"? You never used the name of the agent now did you?

Using this logic, a mob boss who says "wack Joey's wife" can not be implicated in her murder, because he never told the hit man to kill anyone by name.

Screwy logic? Yes. But it is what the spin machine is going to use. As if Clinton's "sex does not mean knob jobbing" line is any excuse for this.

But all I am hearing are calls for Rove to be fired. What good will that do? Does anyone think that he will be exiled to Easter Island never to be seen again? Of course not. He will still be in Bush's inner circle, even if they have to meet in some underground parking garage, wearing spy style trench coats and dark sunglasses.

Rove has already done his evil. He has already been paid for it. The spin machine will continue to be under his control. Nothing at all will change, even if he is fired.

Those who are observant will notice the deflection spin play by the right wing. Today I watched Fox News, and what were the major stories? Karl Rove? NOPE! But there was a long segment about the missing girl in Aruba. And whatever else they could talk about other than what is going on in DC. This morning I even heard (on Fox) a "story" that Americans do not want to waste tax payer money investigating the White House. But all the money spent investigating Clinton was money well spent! And all that tax money handed over to contractors in Iraq is also money well spent! None of that money was wasted!

But investigating beeches in NATIONAL SECURITY is a waste.

And why did Karl Rove have access to CIA information? Did he need to know who America's spies are to control the spin machine? I thought that kind of information was supposed to be....you know....SECRET?!!?!? Not even the President needs to know WHO the spies are, all the President needs is the information the spies uncover. So how did a White House Press Secretary manage to find this out? Did Rove have a proper background check done? Was he cleared to recieve this level of information?

But nobody is talking about this. Except for me. I am the lone voice in the insane asylum. At least this is how I feel.

But Rove will get away with it. Even if he is fired, he will still have all his money to do more evil bastarding with. And he will still have all his connections. And he will keep all the money he was paid while he was evil bastarding.

I remember another scandal in which one Oliver North, a patsy if there ever was one, took the Contra Rap. There he was, testifying in his officers uniform - taking the fall as ordered.

Watch for the same shit to happen here. It is not like this has not already happened under this president. When the Iraq prision thing happened, and there was evidence that Rumsfield knew about it, who took the fall? A butchy looking PRIVATE who was dumb enough to get photographed holding a dog leash. Never mind that people MUCH higher up knew about it and did nothing, or possibly even issued directives allowing the abuse in the first place. Lets blame a private! Someone on the very bottom.

So I am not signing any petitions asking for Rove to be fired. And I will not call or e-mail the people who "represent" me. I will in no way, shape, or form fall for the distraction play.

This thing needs to be fully investigated, and the SOURCE of all this bullshit needs to be brought up on charges. Not some patsy.

And firing Rove is NOT a punishment. Somehow, I think he will be able to pay his utility bills even if he can not find another job. He will never need unemployment, but you can bet he will file for it. Being the greedy bastard that he must be.

The only way to punish rich evil bastards is to take away their money. All of it. Then make them live on a decent middle class income, which to them will be poverty. Thats right - no more pirvate jet. No more limos. No more exclusive country club membership. Make them drive their own cars, mop their own floors, use the public golf coruse. Take away their means to continue doing evil with their ill-gotten funds.

This whole thing is really depressing. The evil has been done. And the guy is going to get away with it. But if you or I dare to forget to renew our auto registration, and happen to be driving in Los Angeles, we get clubbed like a baby harp seal on fur coat day.

So, are you totally disgusted yet?

Not the main post for the day

This is NOT the main post for the day, so do not forget to read beyond this one. It will be worth it. Trust me. This post is more serious.

If you live on the Texas Gulf Coast, do not panic but DO CHECK YOUR SUPPLIES! If you are in a flood zone, make a plan NOW. Will you go to a public shelter? If so, which one? Can you crash someone elses pad? Check with them now. Do you have everything you need to secure your property? If not, better get that stuff while you can. If you have old shutters, give them a quick look. Are they rotting? Are they horribly warped? Now is the time to fix that.

Even if you live inland, you might get a lot of rain. If your area is prone to flooding this might be a concern.

Remember, Red Cross shelters will NOT take pets. The only exception are service animals (seeing eye dogs).

BABY SUPPLIES! Go buy some extra supplies now. You are going to use them anyway. Figure that you need 2 weeks of baby stuff. And if Emily does not hit - keep the stuff till hurricane season is over.

If you have a generator, and you have not used it since you bought it 5 years ago, try to start it up. If it will not start, you can do something about it now.

And remember, if you do all this stuff now you will be ready for whatever might come. If you need it - you will have it. If nothing hits, you can always store the shutters and hardware and consume the food and water.

Also, you will sleep better. And you will NOT be one of those people standing in like for 4 hours to get a sheet of plywood, or a gallon of water.

B.O.L.O.

Have you seen this guy?

He is one of my former managers, from the days I worked for the (mumble mumble cough) agency at the airport. His job was apparently to see how often things could change in any given week.

And I think he works at more than one place. He might even make your schedule!

It seemed like my schedule was always getting messed with. So was my duty location, but that did not really bother me too much. I really did not care where I was supposed to work at each day.

Here is what would happen far too often. I would get a schedule that required me to work from 1:00 PM - 9:30 PM, with Monday and Tuesday off. Sunday would go fine, and of course my days off were always great. But then I would report to work on Wednesday.

About half way through my shift, Bozo would show up and want to speak to me. I would be handed a new schedule. The new schedule would change the time I had to report to work, as well as my days off. Here is an example:
Time to report to work: 4:30 AM - 1 PM.
Days off: Thursday and Friday.

Then I would be told that the new schedule takes effect Sunday, but I still have to report to work at 4:30 AM the next day.

So I would get off work at 9:30 PM, totally pissed off. Then I would get home, eat, watch TV, shower, sleep for an hour, then go back to work - in a VERY BAD MOOD.

Then Sunday would come. This reset my "40 hour week" clock to zero. My new days off (in this case Thursday and Friday) mean I get to work for 8 days consecutively without getting any overtime.

And when I mentioned this to anyone (stupidvisors OR managers) I would get the standard agency answer - "If you do not like it, you can find another job" or "you have to be flexable".

So I found another job. And since I felt no loyality at all to the agency, I did not feel too bad about only giving them 2 days notice. Before I left I made up some of these fliers, and left them around.

By the way, a STUPIDvisor is someone who watches you work, tells you that everything you are doing is wrong, then walks away. They contribute nothing at all of any value.

They are like diapers, always on your ass and full of shit. Kind of like this guy.

24 Hours Later....

Yesterday I introduced all you non-hurricane people to the basic principle of The Cone Of Death. Today, we will explore the topic in a little more detail.

You might remember from yesterday, if you took good notes, that TV weather people like to use the term "Cone Of Uncertainty". I said that they use that term because the storm can be anywhere - or NOWHERE - in that cone.

Now for those who were not paying attention yesterday. Click HERE for the graphic, or scroll down to yesterday's post. Keep in mind these are 100% unaltered, except for the labels I added.

Note the position of the Cone Of Death.

OK, now let's warp time and space to travel exactly 24 hours into the future! Here we go! Hold on, this could be bumpy.

Great! Everyone made it! Now what do you notice?

Thats right, the Cone Of DEATH made a major shift to the south. Not only is the storm projected to be out of the cone of just 24 hours ago, it is not even going to be close. This is bad news for Jamaica and Mexico. In other words, the storm will be NOWHERE inside the cone, according to information just 24 hours old.

Emily will not get anywhere close to me, or the fish (I plotted the location of the fish for your viewing pleasure). But yall in Texas best start getting ready! This is a perfect time to check your shutters, and possibly put that big truck to use buying some building supplies.

I was going to post earlier that I suspected the track was going to be more towards Mexico and Texas than Florida, but I was busy. Also, I did not want to cover up the last post - it was fun writing it.

I will go on record NOW as saying I do not think it will veer any more to the south. There should not be any more major shifts in the cone.

Sanibel Island is still on the venue. For now anyway. There are more low pressure areas behind Emily.

One of these days, Miami will take another hit. But not this time. Emily's travel agent sold her on a tour that does not include Florida.

Cone Of Death?

Last hurricane season I coined a term. I got sick of hearing "cone of uncertainty" or "cone of error" on the TV - so I started to call it the "cone of death". This stuck better than "cone is peril" or "cone of destruction" or "cone of doom", and was a lot shorter than "cone of imminent death and destruction".

So what is the cone of death? Let me demonstrate.

Here we can see the projected 5 day cone of death for tropical storm Emily. The solid white part of the cone of death is the three day projection.

Here is how this works. The closer you are to the center of the cone of death the more trouble you are in.

And to make matters even worse, the black line is not really the important part, because strong winds can extend well beyond the line. The black line is just the center of the cone of death.

Forecasters say "cone of error" because the eye of the storm can be anywhere (or nowhere) inside the cone.

In other words, they do not really know. All they can do is give a probability.

Now I want to point your attention to a few details. You can see that I labeled the map for you. I am somewhere in the small red dot on in Florida. The cone of death is that big huge cone shaped thing, and the storm is the orange dot at the narrow end of the cone. As the cone projects out, error increases, and the cone gets wider.

Dennis never really concerned me, other than the possibility it was going to screw up my vacation. But this storm path is causing a bit more concern.

There is a high pressure to the north of the storm, but it not forecast to go anywhere. This means the storm is going to continue to go more west than north.

But the black line is not forecast to be in open water. As long as the center of the storm stays over land it can not gain strength.

So now you can play along! You are in the small red dot in Florida. What do you do after you read this? Freak out? Run in circles? Buy beer and rope?

(the correct answer is buy beer and rope. Sunday I might get to tie the boat to the trailer, and then tie the trailer to the planet).

Or maybe not. It is still too far away to really know. But play along anyway! Check the blog daily for an updated hurricane map and cone of death. It will be at least 5 days before people start to totally freak out. Right now all I am doing is watching it.

I am also going to buy some plexiglass and make an enclusure for an old web cam. Stay tuned for the Lazy Iguana Hurricane Web Cam!!

Also, my potato has not moved very much. Click HERE, then enter your zip code and press enter. Thats it! Pretty simple really.

More Random Stuff

I would like to begin today by thanking everyone. I told the people in the white coats that I was not crazy, and they could stop the electro-shock treatments. I will have to show them the results of the poll! As of now, 41.7% voted "perfectly sane and reasonable. A model citizen". HA! People who know me personally did not vote "perfectly sane". But what do they know? If you forgot to vote, shame on you! Go vote now! Scroll down to Sunday July 10, then find the post titled "Loose Ends". I am too lazy to post the script again. There will be more polls in the future!

Now onto something else. Thanks to alert reader Lissette I discovered a nifty site. The point of this site is to pass an e-potato around the nation. So here is your potato! Click the picture below. Then help my potato by sending everyone you know the link! I want to get one hit from each state.



You can also access Lissette's potato HERE.

Now that my potato is on its way around the nation, I feel better. Somehow. The medication must be kicking in.

At my weekly dinner with my friends I got some new ideas on how to mess with the evil parking machines.

1. Fill a 5 gallon bucket with gasoline, douse the machine, set it on fire, then post a sign that says "Machine Out Of Order".
2. Soak my money with salt water, then feed it into the machine. Maybe the salt water will cause rust.
3. Park for free. Launch the boat then park my truck in the free parking area. Black Point is a county park, so in theory if I do not park in the boat ramp area I do not have to pay.
4. Get a powerful magnet and attempt to wipe out the electronics.

Hurricane Dennis UPDATE! I predicted that Mobile Alabama would get the full force of the storm. I was off by about 50 (or less) miles to the west. The eye passed over or very close to Fort Walton Beach, which is in Florida. The storm seems to have fizzled right before it made landfall, which is good news. This same area got hit hard last year by Ivan (I think....5 named storms hit FL last year, it is hard to keep track of them all). I hope everyone in the effected area made it through the storm with minimal damage.

Now for a personal message to Tan Lucy Pez. Due to factors beyond my control, weed is illegal. So I do not do any drugs. I do drink. This is pretty crazy if you ask me, but it was not my idea. Oh well. Beer is pretty good. This reminds me, I ran out of beer last week at Carysfort Reef. I need to buy more. I have been dry for a week. This is fairly normal, I usually only drink when at a resturant or when out in the boat. When I have beer at home my good friend of 15 years is usually hanging out with me.

Anyway Tan Lucy Pez, if you want what I am on look for Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. It has replaced Bass Ale as my favorite bottled beer. My favorite bar beer can be found HERE! Tonight with my dinner I had some excellent sake. According to the waiter, the brand is "Thai Ho". I swear I am not making that up. Someone who was at dinner will back me up on this one. So if you find any Thai Ho, you can sample what I was into tonight.

My hit counter is currently at 2071!! WOW! I hope everyone enjoys my posts.

2000

Looks like the hit counter is going to roll over the 2k mark! People who visit my blog keep me writing posts! So bookmark this blog, check daily to see what craziness I am posting about, and leave comments!

Loose Ends

This will be a post about nothing, only it will use a bunch of words. So brace yourself! Not even I know where this post will go!

First off, there is a banner at the top of my blog. It is for Wampi the cat. Clicking the banner will take you to the "Save Wampi" blog, where you can read the saga of the cat. You can help by clicking some of the ads, or by making a donation to the vet bill fund. Wampi's banner will remain on my blog for as long as I feel like keeping it there.

Next order of business. MARINA UPDATE! As some of you may know, I declared war on automatic pay stations at County boat ramps. I spoke to the Parks Department Marina Operations Manager on Friday. She informed me that the machines are part of a pilot program and that none of them were purchased (I accused the parks department of buying the machines because some administrator's relative was trying to sell them). She was adament that the machines ARE popular, and that I was the lone wacko to complain about them. I told her that she is obviously NOT a boat owner, that she does NOT use the ramps, and that she needs to go to one of the pilot marinas and ask people what they think. I asked if the department had any intention of conducting a user survey, and the answer was no. So how will the pilot program be evaluated? I did not get an answer. And what if the machines malfunction? Too bad. Here was the answer "If the machine takes your money but fails to print out a ticket you either try another machine, go home, or park and get a $40 citation".

What I would love to do is get a bunch of metal coins the same size and weight as the golden dollar coins, have them all stamped with "These machines suck", and then hand them out for free at the boat ramp. THAT would get my point across to them. Or get an angry mob together armed with mullet. Pelt the Parks Department administration building with dead bait.

I also created a blog poll! Vote early and often!





Hurricane Dennis did not hit Miami OR Sanibel Island. My vacation is still on. It looks like Mobile Alabama is going to get it this time. If you live near Mobile, I hope you are ready for this one. It will roll in as a category 3 or 4 storm.

The Power Of An Angry Mob

First, it is hurricane update time! Here is the latest image blah blah blah.

As you can see, the yellow area shifted ever so slightly to the EAST. I am not at all worried about the thing hitting Miami, but I am getting more concerned about Sanibel Island. If this stupid ass storm hits MY ISLAND just 1 week before MY VACATION, I am going to be pissed off.

For the next storm, if I get my act together I will have The Lazy Iguana Hurricane WEBCAM going! You too will be able to take part in the excitment of the whole thing. I would love to place a webcam in the Home Depot and the supermarket.

Anyway, now to the REAL post of the day. Actionbell posted on her blog that some weasels voted a pay raise - for them. It seems that the weasels in the Pennsylvania Senate are making some pretty good scratch. Close to $100,000 per year plus all sorts of nifty benefits.

First, I can not help but to smile. At least it is NOT Florida this time. Somehow, this makes me feel better.

But the main question is "what can we do about it?" Well, I have a few ideas.

A few years ago, the City Of Miami pissed off a bunch of people in Dade County. In fact, you might have heard something about this on the news. It was November 29, 1999 when a raft was discovered off the coast of Florida. Not really news, but this was no ordinary raft! This raft had one Elian Gonzalez aboard. Then all hell broke loose.

The child's mother died at sea. The child's father was still in Cuba. The Miami family (all extended family of the mother) decided that the kid should stay here. The father, who even by US law would have custody of his child wanted him back.

So in walks the Miami Mayor. He says that Miami police will NOT assist federal authorities in any way.

What did people in Dade County do? We pelted City Hall with bananas.

The bananas were a symbol. Miami had become a full fledged banana republic. I had a delivery job at the time, and happened to be close to Miami City Hall when I learned about the protest. So I bought some bananas, and drove there in the company van. The cops were directing traffic. I was able to drive up to the hall, chuck my bananas out the window, then drive off. It was great.

Afterwords, the bananas were rounded up and sent off to the homeless refuge and the zoo.

The next day, the other mayors of cities in Dade County (who the day before were standing with the Miami mayor) ALL BACKED AWAY FROM LOCO JOE! They did not want their city hall pelted as well.

My point? Sometimes there just has to be an angry mob to get your point across. One pissed off person is easy to arrest. But thousands of pissed off people throwing fruit at a government building transends a crime and becomes an excersize in free speech.

So there you go Actionbell. My advice is to find other pissed off people and join their angry mob. Converge somewhere, and pelt a building with some kind of fruit. It gets your point across.

And let me know when and where. I have some bananas left, along with my pitchfork and torch.

If people sit back and do nothing, then nothing is what they get in return. Except of course for the broomstick up the rear end, without any lubrication.

In Poor Taste

first off, it is hurricane update time! Here is the latest prediction for tropical storm force winds over the next 4 days.

Now for the REAL post. As you all know, the mass transit system of London was bombed today. While I was getting ready to go to work the TV was tuned into one of the 24/7 news networks. I think it was Bloomberg. I thought their report was in very poor taste.

They were talking about how the bombings were not going to effect the US markets. They were talking about how one index did have a sharp decline, but it had already recovered. The talking heads did not expect the overseas markets to loose much either.

I am shure it came as a big relief to the British people to know that the US markets were not going to loose any money. Those who lost loved ones on the trains or the bus will find comfort knowing that the futures markets are fine.

I realize that Bloomberg is a 24/7 business news network, and that they had nothing else to guess about this morning - but still the talking heads have very poor taste. I was disgusted by the whole thing, and downright embarrassed and ashamed as an American that other Americans were on the TV yapping about how they were not going to loose any money that day.

Yes, there will be economic impacts. And yes, those impacts will sooner or later be news. But really - they could have showed some respect and waited to make the news LATER as opposed to as the events were happening. I am pretty shure that the Birtish were not so quick to talk about the impact on markets when the Twin Towers were smoking, and falling to the ground. They probably waited at least a few hours after the buildings collapsed for that.

Shame on Bloomberg!! They are now at the top of my TV shit list.

Possible Victory?

I got a reply from someone in the County about my angry email! Here is the message!

*** Begin message ***

Please give me a call so that we can discuss the pay stations in greater detail. I can be reached at (305) 755-7939.

Thank You,
Kathy Haley
Manager, Marina Operations

-----Original Message-----
From: Tripathi, Richa (MDPR) On Behalf Of Parks Communication
Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2005 2:15 PM
To: Haley, Kathleen (MDPR)
Subject: FW: Parking machines


Please advise.


From: [mailto:withheld]
Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2005 11:15 AM
To: parks@miamidade.gov
Subject: Parking machines

*** end ***

As you can see, the message was forwarded from one employee to another. I am going to call the number when I wake up in the morning.

We are all going to die!

It is that time of year again. What time would I be posting about? Why hurricane season!

This is the latest track for Hurricane Dennis. It was taken from the National Weather Service 3 PM update. As of right now, Miami is in the 20% - 40% probability of tropical storm force winds. Of course, this prediction is highly inaccurate. If the thing jogs just a little to the west, that probability will drop like a rock.

ONE model has the storm going east into the Miami area. ONE. Out of like a dozen. What you see above is the most likely track based on the voodoo done by computers.

Just to give you an idea of how the models work, one has it going into Miami, one has it swiping the west coast of FL, and the rest have the thing staying offshore till it gets somewhere from Lousiana to the Panhandle.

In other words, right now Miami has the same chance for a hit as Orlando, Tampa, and pretty much the rest of the state. But not really. Miami has more like a 0% - 3% chance of a hit. I am about as worried over this storm as a Bill Gates is over a single share of Microsoft.

I have not watched any local TV, but I would bet that the weather goons are playing this up to the max. After all, when does the weather goon get to sit at the grown-up's table to do his report? Never thats when. The weather dude/chick is confined to their blue screen. And they never give their report early in the newscast - they are used more as filler. After the captivating story about the kitten stuck in a storm drain.

My Iguana sense is NOT tingling. I think the thing will stay well to the west. Why? There is high pressure to the east, which will push it to the west. Dennis will hit somewhere, but it will not be South Florida, or the Fort Myers / Sanibel Island area. My vacation is still on.

But bring on the hysteria! It is funny. People go nuts over nothing.

Angry Email.

This is a copy of the angry email I am sending off to the Parks Department. I also made a flier that can be posted around the ramps.

*** begin angry email ***

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing you to complain about the automatic pay
stations that are installed at all County public boat ramps. These machines do
not save anybody time, nor do they serve the public. In fact, they cause more
backups and hassle for residents.

The old system required boaters to give the user fee to a
human, who then handed out a ticket. People would pay as they drove past a hut,
before they got near the ramp. The human could accept bills in less than perfect
condition, and give proper change in bills. Once the boater was handed the
ticket, they just placed it on the dashboard of the vehicle, launched the boat,
parked the trailer, walked back to the dock, and left. The old system was
perfect.

But this is no more. I do not know who decided to replace
the guy in a hut with a machine, but it was a terrible decision. I have to
wonder whose brother sold the County those machines. It is obvious that some
vendor made money in this deal, I know that Dade County is not in the business
of making machines. Is this the case? Was the decision made based on typical
backroom political deals to give a sweet contract to someone's relative? And if
so, please explain how that serves the public?

I used the Black Point Marina on Sunday, July 3. There is
only one machine there. I had to drive past the hut where I used to hand a human
the fee, but now the hut is closed up. After I launched I had to park the truck,
walk back to the machine, stand in line, pay, walk back to the truck, leave the
ticket on the dashboard, then walk back to the the boat. This caused my boat to
take up dock space for longer than it should have, preventing others from being
able to launch their boat. What used to be a process that only took a few
minutes turned into a 15 - 20 minute ordeal. And I got there before the ramp was
very busy.

And if that were not bad enough, someone had to stand by
the machine to keep it working. Why not just keep the human in the hut? Is that
somehow worse than having to keep a maintenance guy next to a machine all day?
While I was in line waiting, some people in front of me could not get the
machine to accept their money. Of course, nobody ever has change. So the guy had
to open the machine, give the people change out of the machine, close it back
up, and have them insert the bills again. Then the thing ran out of paper, and
the guy had to open the machine up and replace the roll. When it was my turn, I
just paid with my check card to prevent having to deal with trying to get the
thing to accept a $20 bill and give me change in golden dollar coins.

What would have happened if the guy was not there that
day? A lot of boaters would have not been able to get a ticket from the
malfunctioning machine. Would the County have not ticketed anybody? Probably not
- parking enforcement would have been in there with ticket books and tow trucks.
And if that would have happened, I would have been very upset. I do not want to
go through all the trouble of getting my boat ready for a day out on the water
only to have to turn around because some stupid machine is broken. I do not want
to get a parking ticket OR get my truck and boat trailer towed because the
machine will not accept my money, or fails to print out a receipt.

When I handed my user fee to a human in a hut, none of
these issues existed. The human never malfunctioned. The human never failed to
accept my money. The human never failed to hand me a ticket saying I paid. The
human did not need another human standing next to them, in case they
malfunctioned.

I urge the Parks Department to conduct a user survey. Do
not take my word for it. Send an employee to any County public boat ramp on any
weekend and ask boaters if they liked the old system better than the new system.
Send whoever made the decision to swap the humans for machines to a boat ramp
with a shirt that says "It was my idea to install these machines, please tell me
how you feel". Have that administrator stand next to a malfunctioning machine
and tell the person whose money it will not accept how much better the machines
are.

Having these machines at the boat ramp is a dumb idea. All
they do is cause more congestion and hassle at an already crowded facility.
People want to launch, park, and go - not launch, park, stand in line at a
machine, walk back to where you parked, walk back to the boat, then go. The
extra steps only cause more problems at the ramp. If maintenance people have to
be on site to keep the machines working, there is obviously a problem with the
machines. There is no way that any Parks Department Administrator can justify
these machines as serving the public need.

And it is the job of Parks Department Administrators to
serve the public need, not to hand out vending contracts to friends who sell
parking machines.

Sincerely,

Angry boat owner, and frequent voter.

Pointless Machines

This is my NEW enemy. They are popping up EVERYWHERE! I hate these friggin things. Whoever invented them needs to have their corpse dug up and desecrated.

These evil machines have taken over ALL the public boat ramps run by Miami-Dade County Department Of Parks And Recreation. The old system was a guy in a hut that would collect your money and hand you a ticket. This system worked great. You could hand the guy any kind of money, and since the person was a HUMAN they did not need crisp, new bills. Old crappy ripped money was fine.

I have already had a run in with these infernal machines before. You can read that blog post here.

When I launched Sunday, I had another run in with the machine. I had to drive past the hut where a HUMAN used to collect the user fee before I could launch. After the boat was in the water, I drove off to park. Then I had to walk back to the machine to pay. Then I had to walk back to the truck and place the ticket on the dash, then walk back to the boat. What a pain in my ass.

To make matters worse, there was only one machine that everyone had to use. It only takes bills in good condition, so unless you hit the ATM before you get to the ramp there is a good chance the machine will not accept your money. Then you have idiots that can not figure out how to use the machine. It is really easy, you press the GREEN button, pay, then collect the ticket. But some people press the button multiple times (each time you press it you are buying another day of parking) then can not figure out why nothing happens when they only pay $10 (the fee is $10 per day). Other people need change, which no other boaters ever have.

The one nice thing is that the machines DO accept my ATM/check card. The old system was cash only.

And what happened to the guy who used to collect the fee? Was he fired? Managers claim that the machines "reduce the labor needs" of the parks, but this is TOTAL hogwash. It actually increases the labor requirements.

Yes, there is no more guy in a hut collecting money. But now there is a guy who has to stand next to the machine to fix it when it jams or runs out of paper. He can also open the machine and give you change if your money will not work. And the machine DOES jam often. Of the four people in front of me, three managed to jam the machine and needed the guy to open it up. For one guy the thing ran out of paper. It took his money - but nothing printed.

Is this improvement? Is this a good use of boat ramp fee income? Eleminate one human job for a bunch of crappy machines then have to hire more humans to stand by the machines to fix them when they break? And that is not all! No, you also need parks dept employees to point out the machines to boaters, and to direct traffic around them (the machine guy is not a parks dept employee, he works for the county parking enforcement department).

I am going to fire off another round of angry emails and phone calls to the county. This round will be even more angry than the last round. They need to GET RID OF THE MACHINES and bring the guy in a hut back. The guy in a hut was faster and less prone to malfunction than the machines. He could look at a worn bill, and could tell that it was in fact valid currency. He could give you change is BILLS and not in those retarded golden dollar coins.

I am also going to declare war on the machines. Their weakness are their solar panels. I need to figure out how I can sabotoge them. I was thinking black spray paint, but I might get noticed by the guy who has to stand next to machine to fix it when it jams.

Be safe!

Have a happy and SAFE 4th Of July. If you are reading this blog and you are not American - have a happy 4th Of July anyway. Relax, spend time with your friends and family, drink some beer, and enjoy what you have!

Voyage of the Tiki Bar

On Sunday, I went out on the boat! I like doing this. It makes it worth all the time I spend working on the boat on land.

Here you can clearly see my boat. This is what it looks like. Really. But the trailer you see in the photo is not the trailer I use now. This is the trailer the boat came with. It is a float on trailer, but the boat did not sit right on it. So I use an old steel break frame trailer. It takes longer to get the boat out of the water, but I do not have to back the trailer in the water as far to launch. So it all works out.

The blue thing in you see in the front of the boat is my spray hood. It keeps bow spray off things I put up front. I almost never use it. When it is up, it is hard to get to the bow area and deal with the anchor. But when it is up it does keep the sun off you. The other blue thing is called a Bimini Top. It is awesome. It does a great job keeping the sun off you. The top gets used almost every time I go out.

Above you can see what I see when I pilot the boat. From left to right you can see my magnetic compass, the NEW chart plotter, and the depth sounder / fish finder. The chart plotter rules. It is a GPS with a detailed marine chart of almost all of Florida and some of the Bahamas. You can also see some stickers. From left to right there is a "rules of the road" sticker, a sticker reminding me to report marine pollution, and a sticker detailing how to use the marine VHF radio in the event of an emergency. The radio sticker is there in case something happens to me, and someone else has to call the Coast Guard. You can also see my GPS antenna (over the rules of the road sticker) and my SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO antenna over the radio sticker.

This is the front windshield. You can see I am a Boat US member (I highly recommend ANY boater join Boat US and buy the UNLIMITED TOWING package. It is only $100 or $120 per year, and if you ever need to be towed in you will save mega bucks. Next to the Boat US sticker is a sticker saying "throw litter overboard, and you go swimming after it", but in a more polite way. The orange sticker reminds people to be alert for "suspicous" activity and rat it out. Whatever that means. You can also see I HATE CLEAR CHANNEL and I have satellite raido on board. I am also a clean boater! I got most of these stickers for free at boat shows.

This was my first stop of the day. This is the Pacific Reef lighthouse. It is pretty rinky. The general rule is the rinkier the lighthouse the smaller the reef. Pacific Reef is pretty small. All I saw was a rocky bottom and a few fish. Pretty boring. So it was off to someplace else!

This is the tower at Carysfort Reef, off Key Largo. Carysfort Reef is located in the John Pennicamp Coral Reef State Park and is part of the Florida Keys Marine Sanctuary. Carysfort Reef is the closest reef to the Gulf Stream, and as a result many ships try to hug the outside of the reef to avoid heavy seas. Many ships have grounded here. Today, large ships must stay far away from the reef and it is marked very well - groundings are rare now.

If you know how to read the sea, you can see the reef! Those greenish patches are where the bottom is sandy. The dark spots are coral heads. The breakers you see behind the lighthouse are where the outside reef line is. Just a few yards beyond those breakers, the bottom drops to 40 or 50 feet, and continues to slope down to hundreds of feet. The breaker area is very dangerous, both for boats and snorklers. You will get turned into shredded beef if you get raked over that area. It is VERY shallow, as in 1 foot or less in places. But between my paper charts, the electronic chart, and my water reading ability I managed to not hit any coral. Good thing too, the coral would rip the bottom out of the boat.

But if you stay in safe areas, it is very cool. There are brain corals, elk horn corals, other hard corals, and all kinds of soft corals. I saw a bunch of fish, including a barricuda! I also saw a whole lot of conchs, which is great - the population is making a comeback from overharvesting.

We do not drop anchor at this reef! The State was kind enough to provide mooring bouys for people to use. Here you can see the one I tied up to. If all the bouys are used up, you CAN anchor but you must be careful and only drop in a sandy area. If you do happen to damage anything with your anchor, and the State catches you - you are liable for damages. Coral is VERY expensive. Boaters are urged to use the mooring system in place.

The mooring bouy system is in place in the Florida Keys National Marine Sancuary and Biscayne National Park. It is a great use of tax money. It protects the reefs, and the fisheries, and it makes it easy to find stuff. When you see mooring bouys, cool stuff to see is not far away.

All in all, it was a good day. I saw some purple tangs, all sorts of parrotfish, a french angelfish, a barracuda, yellowtail snappers, grunt, elkhorn corals, brain corals, sea fans, and lots more.

Too much poop!

Someone commented about the size of the litter box I must have to support three cats. Actually, there are two litter boxes in the house. I am thinking about adding a third box.

but all these boxes are a pain in the ass. There is a lot of scooping involved. And then there is the stink. One day of no scoops for me equals three days of no scooping for a single cat house. Two days of no scooping equals 6 days of no scooping for a one cat house.

So, obviously there has to be a better way! This is America after all! We have invented 4 wheel electric scooters so that we do not have to walk in the supermarket! There has to be some crazy way to deal with the cat box the lazy way. I found this device.

It hooks up to a human toilet OR washing machine. Clean water goes in one tube, and you-know-what comes out the drain tube. The litter is plastic BBs, not clay. It works on a timer, twice a day it "flushes" itself. One flush consists of filling the box with water, circulating it really fast using a pump, then draining it. This happens 5 times. Then a heater dries the litter. That is ONE flush. It seems like a horrible waste of energy, just to be a lazy cat owner. But who cares. Cat poop is icky.

The company that makes this device is no longer in business. Too bad too, I might actually buy one. Or two. I read someome comment that the box stinks during the flush cycles, but really - how does the bathroom smell after YOU pollute it? I would bet that you do not leave the throne room smelling like roses.

Then there is this device.

Now, this device is MUCH CHEAPER than the automatic flushing box. I am seriously considering giving it a try. Here is what it looks like when used properly.

Notice the look of intense concentration. Cat owners can tell what the cat is thinking..."Dont slip! Dont slip!". Websites by people that have trained their cats to do this say it can take months.
But the payoff is NEVER HAVING TO SCOOP AGAIN! I think the effort will be worth it.

After all, I am fairly lazy. And I hate scooping.

My Petition

As of the last time I checked, only 12 people (including myself) signed my online petition. Needless to say, I am a little dissapointed about this.

I think it would be great to require members of congress to dress like what they are - CLOWNS. Press confrences would be entertaining to watch. Campaigns would be like a circus - which they are anyway when you think about it.

Other nations would not think any differently of our politicians. I think the rest of the world already thinks that congress are clowns. But they are clowns too, and were in the same frat in clown college.

Another great thing is that oral votes taken on the floor of congress could me made by nose honking. That in itself would be worth a bunch of laughs. And think of the humor value in seeing a screen caption that reads "Chuckles(D) Florida" when a senator speaks.

But the best part would be breaking tie votes. PIE FIGHT! And if another member of congress is on the floor saying something you disagree with - PIE FIGHT! And to break a fillabuster - PIE FIGHT! Bakers in Washington DC would be instant millionares. And C-SPAN would be fun to watch.

But the best part would be when the clown idea spreads to the rest of the world. Imagine the British Parlament in clown suits. I think that would be hysterical. It would take the blue bloods in the House Of Lords down a few pegs if they had to dress like clowns.

And this would only be the start! I will not end my clown quest till governments all over the globe adopt my idea!

But the BEST of all would be when the UN has to adopt the clown resolution. Imagine having an international pie fight! The American diplomat would be armed with laser guided apple pie. Latin American diplomats would have tres leche pies. The UK diplomat could have shepards pie. The German diplomat could have strudel. It would be great.

Politics would be fun for everyone!

Saga of the Mystery Cat Part IV - A new Name

So I have continued to feed the mystery cat. Needless to say, the three cats I already have are not very happy about this. Like good capitalist kitties, they HATE to share resources like food.

Here we can see the Mystery Cat and Gigi. Gigi will hiss and frizz up when the Mystery Cat looks at her, but I have never once seen the Mystery Cat show any signs of hostility towards her. My cats are just plain rude.

And the Mystery Cat has a name! I started to call him "Inky". If he ends up getting adopted, I will have Inky (mystery cat), Blinky (Gigi), Pinky (Sake) and Clyde (Fred).

You might have noticed that these are the names of the ghosts from the classic 80s arcade game hit Pac-Man.

I will also have 1 orange cat, 1 white cat, 1 black cat, and 1 black, orange, and white cat.

Too good to be true!

For those who follow The Supreme Court, here is a good one.

As you may or may not know, the Supremes recently ruled in favor of devlopers in an "Eminent Domain" case. What this means is that the government can take YOUR PROPERTY, and give it to businesses who will pay more taxes.

But the likes of Bill Gates will not have to worry - people who can afford to buy high value real estate already pay a lot in property tax. So whose house will get taken away under this Eminent Domain crap? You got it - poor people's homes.

Speaking just for me I think this SUCKS. If the government wants to build a highway where my home stands, then they can negotiate a selling price to me WITHOUT using terrorist tactics. If a business wants my property, same deal. Negotiate a price! I am a reasonable person. I will not ask for more than a few million dollars. And if you do not want to pay me, fine! Build your highway, or your Wal-Mart, somewhere else. No big deal.

This is a dark day for homeowners. It is now more easy for the government to take private property away from someone, and give it to someone else. And like I said before, it is the poor that will be on the short end of this stick.

Or will they?

Here is where it gets good. On Monday, June 27 2005, Private developer, Logan Darrow Clements, faxed a request to Chip Meany, the code enforcement officer of the town of Weare, New Hampshire, seeking to start the application process to build a hotel to be named "The Lost Liberty Hotel" on 34 Cilley Hill Road, the present location of Supreme Court Justice David Souter's home. Souter voted in favor of the controversial Eminent Domain decision allowing a city to take residents' homes for private development - or to be seized to make room for a new hotel.

The best part of the proposal is that there will also be a cafe called "Just Desserts". I love it.

How perfect is this? I hope this is not just a joke. Right now, all the devloper's website is doing is asking for people to buy advertisement - supposedly to go to some pro-homeowners group.

Seriously, I would invest in this project. I could not afford to give too much, but if everyone in America who thinks that Eminent Domain sucks gives just $100 they can build a pretty nice hotel on Souter's property. And why stop with Souter? I say build a hotel on ALL THE LAND owned by any Supreme Court Justice who voted in favor of this crap. Hand it over to any private devloper - it really does not matter. Just so long as Eminent Domain is used, and the owner only gets a fraction of the actual value of the land. See how the Supreme Clowns feel about Eminent Domain then.

Really. I hope the Lost Liberty Hotel project is not a joke.