Terrible News

I really hate to break bad news to the blog world, but sometimes it has to be done. An alert RSS reader (I did not even know I had any RSS readers!) Steve In Wisconsin sent me this report, and credit must be given to the proper spy source when matters of national security allow.

To your left is a picture of hops. Not pot, but hops. Some people (mostly those who have never smoked pot or never seen good pot OR those who have never brewed their own beer using whole hops and not that pellet stuff) have been known to confuse hops for pot. The two plants are related (they would be cousins if they were people - sort of) - but there is one very important difference. Hops are legal and weed is not. Unless you are in The Netherlands. But that is not the point here. The point is very tragic. I know that Scarlet Witch is going to be as sad as I am over this. If I were closer to her, I would bravely volunteer to console her over a few glasses of Chimay Blue Label - and we would both be sad because this is some excellent stuff and the supply is in serious danger.

There is a world wide shortage of hops. Hops are a key ingredient in beer. Craft brewers, who are the only ones making REAL BEER in America, are going to suffer. Some varieties of hops may be unavailable - meaning that some beer styles may not be able to be produced in quantity.

From the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation - Canada's version of the BBC) :

"A worldwide shortage of hops — a key beer-making ingredient — could have a big effect on the taste of specialty brews and force smaller microbreweries to hike the price of their products.

The shortage can be blamed on a perfect storm of events — bad weather in hop-growing areas of the United States, Europe and Australia and a depressed U.S. dollar."

The perfect storm of events huh? Bad weather in hop-growing areas (in no way caused by climate change) and the depressed US Dollar (no way connected to US fiscal policy). OH NO! This is a National Emergency. CALL FEMA!!!

No wait - don't call FEMA. They will just muck things up worse. They will just hold another fake press conference and worry about what color tie the FEMA director should wear to it.

And what if those no good Canadians are just lying? We can't trust a nation that provides health care to its citizens. So here is a link to the same story from Fox "News" - the only true source of news.

And if you watch so much Fox "News" that you forgot how to read - check out this link from TV station KFMZ, serving Eastern Pennsylvania and Western New Jersey.

Now the large brewers contract their hops and buy the stuff up by the ton direct from the growers. They can "hedge" their risk. So the swill that passes for "beer" in America (Bud, Miller High Life, Natural Light, etc) will only go up in price a little. But according to the article on Fox, prices for a 6 pack of "craft brewed" stuff could reach $10 a 6 pack. $10 BUCKS???? Of course I will still buy it.

But it gets worse. Fuel is up, so it cost more to get the product from the brewery to me. Glass and aluminum prices are also up. And then there is the SCAM known as "ethanol". Farmers that used to grow beer grains are switching to corn and other shit to make this ethanol crap. And the more corn used to make ethanol means less corn to eat - so this puts more pressure of beer stuff farmers to grow animal and people food.

There was an oversupply of hops in the mid 90s, so from 1995 - 2006 hops acreage in the USA fell 30%, and 25% of the world's hops are grown right here. It all adds up to really REALLY bad beer news.

Snipes Mountain (a small craft brewer that probably makes excellent beer) saw its barley malt prices grow between 10-15 percent this year, and paid $12.35 per pound for Cascade hops, far beyond the $5.60 per pound allotted last year.

So if energy costs are up, bottle / canning cost is up, malt prices are up, and hops prices are more than double - people like me are going to have to pony up to enjoy a pint of the good stuff.

Scarlet - your Chimay prices are going to be insane. That stuff is already expensive. With the US Dollar falling like a rock against the Euro and now this shit - it could hit $15 - $20 a bottle. I am making the most frowny face I can right now over this.

There is only one thing we can do. We must beseech good King Gambrinus to deliver us from this curse. Who is King Gambrinus? He is known as "the patron saint of beer," has long been a universal symbol of beer and brewing. Particularly during the late nineteenth century, the image of Gambrinus was used by countless brewers to promote their products and remind consumers of the rich heritage of beer-making. Many breweries were even adorned with life-size statues of the King.

To the right is a photo of a statue of the Good King Gambrinus somewhere, probably in Europe. He can also be found on Beer Steins. This is the skinny King Gambrinus, sometimes he is also portrayed as a fat dude. Kind of like Elvis. There is the skinny trim King and the fat Vegas King. By no matter what, he is always shown holding up his pimp cup, and standing on a beer barrel.

So please good and kind King Gambrinus - fix this hops and malt problem. Let there be more hops of all varieties (please do not forget the hops used to make fine pale ales and bittering hops), and also let there me more malted barley. Let the yeast strains be abundant, and let fuel, glass, and aluminum prices fall.

Please do not let the taps run dry. Please do not make me sing this song at my favorite bar, where they make their own excellent beer.

Do not allow this tragedy to befall mankind. We need your magical potion. We will not live any longer if the beer runs out, it will just seem like we live longer. Do not make me resort to wine. Wine is fine, but the truth is that a fine beer is just as complex as any wine out there - but you already know this, for you are King Gambrinus - unofficial patron saint of beer.
I drink this Sierra Nevada Pale Ale in your honor. I know you will not let me down. And for your sake good King, I hope this song is not true.