Four Easy Boating Lessons.

I have learned a significant amount of things since I got the 18 foot boat a few years ago. There is a learning curve to boating. You make a few mistakes, but as time passes you make less and less mistakes. As for me - I know where EVERY shallow spot in Biscayne Bay is - from the Stiltsville finger channels to well north of the 79th street causeway. Why? I hit em all at least once. But no damage was done to the boat and I learned where the shallow areas were. So now I can avoid them pretty good.

But how does this help you if you decide to get into boating? Well if you live in the Miami area I can tell you where the shallow spots are. But what if you just want a few general tips? I put together a collage of 4 valuable boat lessons you can put to use right away, no matter where you live!

In this video, we see why is is VERY IMPORTANT to know if the draw bridge operator is drunk / stones / high on prescription drugs. It is also good to know the clearance of your boat. What happened here was the bridge tender fucked up really bad. He screwed the pooch in a massive way. You can see the bridge is being LOWERED on the boat. This should never happen. But now this boat operator knows to not pass under a low clearance bridge is the bridge tender is smoking crack.

There is a myth that sailboat captains are more knowledgeable than us lowly beer drinking guzzling power boaters. Sailboats require finesse. Sailboats require more boating skill. If you are not sure of a local channel and see a sailboat in it, you can simply go slow and follow the sailboat and you will be fine. And if that sailboat has TWO main masts? Even better! He must really know what he is doing! Right?

Wrong. In this case we see what happens when a "knows what he is doing" sailboater decided to cut in front of a large, heavy, unable to maneuver and constrained by draft freighter. CRUNCH! So do not assume just because it is a really nice sailboat that the person at the helm is not smoking crack. In fact, the more expensive the boat the more money the owner has - and the more likely it is that he/she can afford the REALLY good shit. So watch out.

Here we see why you need to pay attention when dropping the anchor. It is really not that hard of a procedure. Anchors are by design not very buoyant. They mostly sink. Which is good, because you WANT the anchor to sink. The procedure is to check to see that the area you are about to drop in is clear, and/or get the F out of the way of a boat about to drop anchor. Someone in this video forgot to do that.

And lastly, you should never accept a tow from a helicopter. Unless you just want a good laugh. Give the helicopter PLENTY of line, and crab a video camera quick. Crack open a beer and sit back for some good times. Do not forget to rescue the crew in the aircraft.

So there we go. Four free and easy boat lessons you will NEVER forget! Lets review!

1. If the draw bridge operator is drunk or smoking crack, find another bridge to pass under.

2. Do not assume that just because someone is in a nice double mast sailboat he knows that the hell he is doing. He may be more clueless than you!

3. Do not EVER position your boat under the anchor of a much larger ship. Nothing good can come from this.

4. AVOID helicopters. They are trouble. Of course if you are calling for a rescue and the Coast Guard sends one of their helicopters then do not avoid that. It will not try to do anything stupid. But if the helicopter is not from the Coast Guard - it is best to not get too close to it. Unless you want a chuckle, and feel like rescuing an air crew.

Oh yea, even if the chopper pilot did provide more lift so as to not crash, it is very possible the cleat would have been ripped off the boat. Or if it was a lifting cleat the boat could have been lifted up, throwing people overboard or causing injury. Towing a boat with an aircraft is just an all around STUPID thing to try. That pilot should be drug tested by the FAA.