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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Crazy Plates

First off, I would like to thank DDDragon for the license plate generator link. This post would not have been possible without it. I would have probably written about how the economic system we know today can not possibly last much longer without collapsing in on itself and emerging as something totally different.

Now as an alert driver in South Florida, I see a whole lot of license plates. Depending on the time of year, the plates I see can be from almost anywhere.

Take this one for example. You see a whole lot of them every winter.


The plates are commonly seen on RV type vehicles, driven by old people trying to get away from the snow. When you see this plate in front of you, you can expect the vehicle to go at least 20 mph UNDER the posted speed limit. If you are on the highway, expect the vehicle to be in the passing lane. I do not speak french, but I think the slogan translates into "buy me souvineers". And yes, as you can see by the plate number they DO NOT TIP. I guess they spend so much in gas to drive from Canada to South Florida that they think it is OK for them to be cheap. If you work in the service business near a place where RVs with these plates park for the winter, it sucks. They croud out the locals, and they do not tip. But they DO complain, and they steal all the Sweet N Low packets from the table.

I also sometimes see these plates


Why on Earth anyone from Mississippi would want to come to South Florida is beyond me. Nobody in South Florida wants to go to Mississippi. I know this better than most, because I am forced to go to Mississippi from time to time (I have extended family that live there). The extended family almost NEVER come here, for some reason I have to go there. 99.999% of the time when I see Mississippi plates, they are on cars whose drivers I am related to in some way - but on at least one occasion I saw a plate on a car driven by a stranger. I figure the person was horribly lost, and was looking for Mobile Alabama. Or maybe a good dentist.

Once, I even saw a plate like this one



At first, I thought nothing of it. But then it hit me - how did a car with a Hawaii plate get to South Florida? Is there some kind of crazy bridge connecting Hawaii to California now? I could understand if the car was something expensive, but it was just another old crappy car. It was not new, it was not classic, it was not exotic, it was just another 10 year old Chevy 4 door car. Why did the person ship it? Why not just sell it in Hawaii, then buy another old car here? I can not imagine that the person would have lost anything this way, between the money they could have sold the car for and the money they spent shipping the car to California then the amount spent driving it to FL (unless they paid even more to have it shipped to FL via the Panama Canal) - you would think that they could have at least bought a used Honda. If I were going to move to Hawaii I do not think I would pay to have my vehicle shipped over, and it is fairly new (2002).

Then there are plates from this state


Every time I see a plate from this state, it is attached to some very large truck. Usually the large truck is one of those things with 6 wheels (dualie truck). Do you have to drive a gas sucking beast when you go on vacation? Are you aware that you can rent a car that uses up less than 1/4 of the gas your truck uses? Not only do you save a good deal of money (that you can then spend having fun), but you put the miles on someone elses car. If the rental car gets damaged, destroied, stolen, or it breaks - you just make a phone call and get a new one! Renting cars rules. If you are moving here I can understand bringing your truck - those things cost a lot of money. But I do not think that Texas plate vehicle owners are moving here, because these plates are seasonal. You see more of them in the winter than the summer.

I have never seen one of these plates (at least not that I can remember)


Does anyone live here, other than Bigfoot?

Then, there are the plates I see EVERY DAY. Here is a random example.


Drivers in Miami are terrible. This is just another reaosn to rent a car if you have to come here. I know people that go to their cars to use the phone! Everyone knows at least one person who will start a phone call within 3 minutes of starting their engine. Then they stay on the phone till they get to where they are going. Hell, I would not be too shocked to learn that people are sending faxes while driving. This would not be a problem, except that in Miami people can not drive with BOTH hands on the wheel - so imagine the chaos created when people drive with only one hand on the wheel, while the other hand dials the phone.

And of course, there is my plate. I put this plate on my boat trailer, just to see what people would say about it. So far the boat only has three bullet holes in the transom.


Now do not get me wrong, I am all for conservation. But really, what use is the manatee? They used to keep canals unclogged, but now the canals are locked off so they can not swim up them anymore. All that manatees do is serve as speed bumps for boats. The sooner that they are gone, the sooner all those "manatee slow zone" signs can be removed from the waterways.

And finally, my computer gave me this error message. Anyone know what could have caused it?


11 Comments:

Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

What a gorgeous post. Thanks for making me laugh hysterically, once again.

07:51  
Blogger Raph said...

Very funny stuff, Mr. Iguana! Although here in Canada, the Quebecois are mad speed demons!

08:47  
Blogger Fred said...

I was sondering what to use that plate generator website for. I guess I know now.

I used to live in Miami (Perrine) and it was the worst place to drive that I've ever lived in. Driving up and down I-95 was a daily endurance test for me; I think it's the reason I drink so much today. (Maybe it wasn't so bad after all...)

08:54  
Blogger Tom & Icy said...

This is so hilarious and that last warning thing was a clincher. Great!

08:55  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

These are totally cool.

And I like the new format of your blog.

I still like godless mom's sticker, FW, and will purchase it one of these days.

09:46  
Blogger Econo-Girl said...

We just visited Florida in the Naples region. Had fun, but you have to drive everywhere. I'd sooner live in Capetown.

Econo-Girl

13:59  
Blogger GodlessMom said...

You continue to crack me up! The Texas plate is SO TRUE! Why can't these folks buy themselves a Civic or something to drive around town. Save the F-350 for towing the 6-horse trailer. I don't get it.

20:47  
Blogger SirTalksALot said...

I love it! Speed bumps for boats! The Columbus Zoo built a giant manatee exhibit and when I saw them swim by I was like ...'Hmm, they look like giant turds with flippers'

10:17  
Blogger Martini said...

I guess you've never been to Quebec. I promise you the slow RVs are NOT a proper indication of how Quebecers drive. They are the fastest, and most insane drivers you will ever encounter. If you're afraid of Florida drivers, you ain't seen nothin' yet. I'd say the average speed of a Quebec driver is about triple the legal speed limit. Go there sometime and experience the insanity for yourself.

12:49  
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