Tropical Storm Gamma, And Other Stuff (How To Tell You Are In A Cult)

I will start this post off with the other stuff.

In case you missed it, South Park took on Tom Cruise and his wacky religion Scientology. It was a great episode, truly one of the best ever.

In the episode, Stan is thought to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, the man who started Scientology. The secret behind the cult is told to Stan.

The secret, which is known through court records (which are public record by default) are some TERRIBLE science fiction, but then again L. Ron Hubbard was a terrible science fiction writer.

Anyway, here it is. 75 million years ago the evil Lord Xenu decided to kill off some of his alien subjects. He had them frozen, loaded into space planes that look like a DC-8 except for rocket engines and not jet engines, transported to Earth, dumped into volcanoes, and killed. The alien souls were collected and sent to mega-plex movie theaters where they were forced to watch movies. The souls were then free to wander about for a few million years till humans evolved - at which time they had a new home. The host human then believed whatever movie the soul was forced to watch. This is where all the different languages, religions, cultures, and so on come from. Get it? Good.

This, in a nutshell, is the top level teaching of Scientology. Before you are told this by someone from the "church" you have to spend years, decades even, in service. Or, be like Tom Cruise and just fork over a few million on cash.

Oh yea, in the episode Tom Cruise locks himself in Stan's closet because Stan, who Cruise believes to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, says his acting is just OK. Not great, and not as good as Gene Hackman - just OK. He then refuses to get OUT of the closet. Get it? John Travolta ends up in the closet with Tom. It is a running joke for the entire episode. But unlike all the gay rumors (and who really cares if they are true or not), in this case they are both actually in a closet. A place where clothes are kept on hangers.

Now I have no idea if the Xenu story is true or not. I am not in the cult, but supposedly ex-cult members who had access to this crazy story have come forth to spill the beans. But I DO KNOW this is true - the church copyrights EVERYTHING, even images of L. Ron. Even the word "Scientology" is under copyright. They sue anyone who dares mock the church. I also know that members have to pay for just about everything. They have to pay for L. Ron's Scientology books. They have to pay for E-Meters. They have to pay for auditing, and so forth.

They also keep writings secret. Nobody can just buy all of L. Ron's Scientology books outright. You have to buy them in steps, and pay for a lot of auditing inbetween books.

Compare this to say Christianity, which readers of this blog will know by now that I do not exactly subscribe to. Are there secret books of the bible that only senior members of the church have access to? No. Can you get a free bible? Yes, just go to any hotel - the bible in the room says you can take it if you want. If you want, get in contact with the Gideon’s directly and they will mail you a bible - free of charge. If you have questions about the religion, does it cost you money to speak to a priest? No, not at all. If you go to ANY church and just ask - you can get all kinds of free stuff - bibles, song books, and stuff like that.

Yes, people ARE asked to make offerings, but this is optional. And lets face the facts folks, God does not pay the electric bill. The priest (or pastor or rabbi depending on your faith) need to eat, and buy gas, and so on. So yea, offerings are needed. The point is no christian church, or jewish temple, will say to someone "you have to give us money before we will even talk to you".

So follow my simple "is this a cult or religion" rule. IF you are asked for money up front, it is probably a scam. If you are required to believe that someone who wrote bad science fiction is a genius, it is a cult AND a scam. If you are required to listen to only ONE HUMAN who is alive today, because they are the ONLY ones who know "the truth", it is a cult and you are in serious danger.

And now for the fun part! Tropical Storm Gamma is on the way! This could be good for me, as I will get even MORE administrative leave time (paid vacation days for future time off). If I am told to not come to work on Gamma Day, I still get paid as if I were there.

I will try everything I can to go to work, and rack up a vacation day. I might get a chance to GO TO CHINA next year, and I want to do this in a bad way. My neighbors are chinese, and are planning the whole thing. They want to fill up a tour bus, and there are slots open. IF I can pull off going, I will walk on The Great Wall, among other things. My master plan would be to fly into Japan, and spend a few days there before flying to Mainland China (sorry - Hong Kong does not appear to be on the travel list).

And now I leave you with a graphic for Gamma!

AGGHHHH! It is heading in my general direction! Panic! Freak out! Run around in circles screaming something! Put on a hard hat!

Or just drink a few beers and forget about it. It will just be a measly tropical storm, nothing to worry about. Plus, I think the cone will shift even more to the south (currently the center of the cone is at the southern tip of FL, the graphic above will update as the hurricane center updates their site). Nothing at all to worry about, unless of course your roof was damaged by Katrina, Rita, or Wilma. The rain Gamma will dump could cause a lot of people with tarp patched roofs grief. Water damage is a bitch.