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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Christmas In South Florida

THIS IS A PHOTO POST! If you do not want to read the bullshit, then skip it.

No, it is not a winter wonderland here. It is a "how the hell do people here get a drivers license" wonderland. Seriously, I wonder this all the time. But I know the answer. Us locals know where the phony drivers license vending machine is, and we know which DMV employee accepts the $100 bribe. I can't tell you this information, unless you move here. I will need to see proof of Miami-Dade County residency before I can let you in on the secret. A signed copy of a lease, a current electric or water bill, a phone bill, or a $100 bribe for me will all be accepted. Epically the bribe part. In fact, my bribe should be paper clipped to your proof of residency.

But I digress. We may not have a winter wonderland with fire places and snowmen and ponds to ice skate on and stuff, but we DO have ways of making things more Christmas-sy here. And if you DO have the White Christmas thing going - TAKE NOTES HERE! With the climate change and all your wintery snowy days will come to an end. Then what will you do?? Huh?? What then!?!! Can't build a snowman with no snow! And what will you do with all those mittens and scarves and stuff?!?!

Now without further delay, here are just some ways us sub-tropical zone living people remind ourselves that it is in fact "winter". You know, other than the fact that there are no hurricanes.

There is the annual Christmas Parade! But not just any parade! Oh no, we have the Winterfest BOAT Parade! People decorate boats large and small with lights and costumes and holiday music and whatnot. Anything goes EXCEPT nudity and booze. That is for AFTER the parade.

And we love to wrap lights all over the palm trees! It does not matter if the palm trees are real,

Or fake. Yes we have fake palm trees!

Buildings in Downtown Miami change colors

While the Miami Riot Police guard Santa's Village from heathens, undesirables, and assorted FTAA protesters.

Even the alligators get into the Christmas spirit!

And on Christmas Morning, the sun rises over the Atlantic Ocean. It looks something like this*.

* Not an actual South Florida Christmas Sunrise. But this is an actual South Florida sunrise from some time of the year.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great photos ... it must be a lot of fun.
Seems you have a mild Winter, too. Enjoy the warmth.
We are having a stinker of a day today ... close to 100F, maybe more. Really humid, too.
Take care, and hope you have a Merry Christmas ... Meow

Blogger Sar said...

Ohhh that picture of troopers guarding Santa's shop has caption contest written all over it! :)

You're right, the weather is all kinds of fucked up. Hmmm, wonder why. And you know what else is? The horror of fake palm trees! *shudder*

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Feel free to steal whatever photo you want Sar. And yea, I almost ralphed all over the place when I saw the first fake plastic palm tree.

Meow - 100 degrees with high humidity is hell! It almost never gets to 100 here because of a prevailing sea breeze - but it has got to within a degree or two a bunch of times. When it gets that high it is tough to deal with. I hope you have good AC!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man, I have got to get back down there this time of year. I really want to see the festive riot police.

We have a similar boat parade here, too... I seem to always miss it, though. :P

Happy Holidays!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

P.S. looks like you got another Spam Bozo. Too bad we can't stalk them. When I'm Queen of the World, they'll be free-game, and we can hunt them at will (kinda like Blade Runner).

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Boat parades must be a Florida thing. As are festive alligators and jolly riot police.

I actually put far too much time into the alligator elf boots and santa hat. And no comments regarding them. Huh.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

New Blogger test comment

Blogger Fuzz said...

They have a boat parade here, but it's for the 4th of July.

Blogger Kristen said...

Well, now it seems like I'm just saying it to make you feel better, but I think the alligator picture is a riot.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

At least someone else likes my alligator picture! I thought it is one of my all time best pieces of work.

Blogger Senor Caiman said...


You are very talented. What a beautiful Alligaor.


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