Christmas In South Florida

THIS IS A PHOTO POST! If you do not want to read the bullshit, then skip it.

No, it is not a winter wonderland here. It is a "how the hell do people here get a drivers license" wonderland. Seriously, I wonder this all the time. But I know the answer. Us locals know where the phony drivers license vending machine is, and we know which DMV employee accepts the $100 bribe. I can't tell you this information, unless you move here. I will need to see proof of Miami-Dade County residency before I can let you in on the secret. A signed copy of a lease, a current electric or water bill, a phone bill, or a $100 bribe for me will all be accepted. Epically the bribe part. In fact, my bribe should be paper clipped to your proof of residency.

But I digress. We may not have a winter wonderland with fire places and snowmen and ponds to ice skate on and stuff, but we DO have ways of making things more Christmas-sy here. And if you DO have the White Christmas thing going - TAKE NOTES HERE! With the climate change and all your wintery snowy days will come to an end. Then what will you do?? Huh?? What then!?!! Can't build a snowman with no snow! And what will you do with all those mittens and scarves and stuff?!?!

Now without further delay, here are just some ways us sub-tropical zone living people remind ourselves that it is in fact "winter". You know, other than the fact that there are no hurricanes.

There is the annual Christmas Parade! But not just any parade! Oh no, we have the Winterfest BOAT Parade! People decorate boats large and small with lights and costumes and holiday music and whatnot. Anything goes EXCEPT nudity and booze. That is for AFTER the parade.

And we love to wrap lights all over the palm trees! It does not matter if the palm trees are real,

Or fake. Yes we have fake palm trees!

Buildings in Downtown Miami change colors

While the Miami Riot Police guard Santa's Village from heathens, undesirables, and assorted FTAA protesters.

Even the alligators get into the Christmas spirit!

And on Christmas Morning, the sun rises over the Atlantic Ocean. It looks something like this*.

* Not an actual South Florida Christmas Sunrise. But this is an actual South Florida sunrise from some time of the year.