My Advice On Campaign Theme Songs To Avoid

It seems that the 2008 election brew-ha-ha is on. It was on a few months ago. But with nothing of substance to talk about, the wonderful American News Media has decided to talk about the highly important issue of......campaign theme songs! Yawn.

It seems that some candidates (last time I checked only on the Democrat side but I expect this to change) are letting people suggest and vote for their campaign theme song. Why not. It gives people something to do and keeps them from playing in traffic. And what else is the internet useful for? Not a whole lot. Except tons of free porn. And MP3 downloads. And buying crap. And even ordering pizza! How lazy does your ass have to be before you decide that the computer is an easier way to order a pizza than picking up the phone?

Anyhow the "suggest a theme song using You Tube" is a good idea. It gets people talking about you. And we all love to vote for unimportant shit! How many people vote for American Idol VS how many people show up for national elections? So yea, good idea. DIRT CHEAP for the campaign. You Tube is free and web cams are cheap.

But anyway - here is my list of songs that should probably be AVOIDED if you want a theme song for your presidential bid. Unless you are me. I am cool enough that I could use any of these songs and get away with it.

1. 2 Live Crew - Face Down, Ass Up
2. 2 Live Crew - Me So Horny
3. Flying Burrito Brothers - Lazy Day
4. Cypress Hill - Hits From The Bong
5. Cypress Hill - I Want To Get High
6. Adam Ant - Strip
7. Afro Man - Cause I Got High
8. Anti-Flag - Die For Your Government
9. Beastie Boys - Brass Monkey
10. Billy Joel - Captain Jack
11. Yonder Mountain Band - Whiskey Before Breakfast
12. David Lee Roth - Just A Jigalo
13. Dead Kennedys - Kill The Poor
14. Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon - Plastic Jesus
15. Dead Milkmen - Taking Retards To The Zoo
16. NWA - Fuck The Police
17. Various Artists - Money (Thats What I Want)
18. Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race
19. The Clancy Brothers - Beer, Beer Beer
20. J Giles Band - Angel Is A Centerfold
21. John Denver - Rocky Mountain High
22. Johnny Cash - I Hardly Ever Sing Beer Drinking Songs
23. Kanye West - Golddigger
24. King Missile - Detachable Penis
25. Rick James - Give It To Me
26. Musical Youth - Pass The Dutchie
27. Styx - Mr. Roboto (should be BANNED world wide NOW)
28. The Vapors - Turning Japanese
29. The Waitresses - Johnny Are You Queer
30. Ween - The Homo Rainbow
31. Joan Jett and The Black Hearts - Bad Reputation
32. Shel Silverstein - I Got Stoned And I Missed It
33. Guttermouth - (Want To) Fuck The Spice Girls
34. Dennis Leary - I'm An Asshole
35. Queensryche - Empire
36. Dead Kennedys - Chemical Warfare

This list is by no means complete. But it is a good place to start. ALL OF THE ABOVE are not really good campaign theme songs. If someone suggests one of these songs, ignore that suggestion. It is a bad one. Trust me.

In other sadder news, Chatham the 20 year old Siamese Cat passed on Friday. He lived a full and very long life for a cat. Chatham belonged to DDDragon, a member of the Pez Family. I am saddened to hear of the loss.