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Sunday, June 24, 2007

My Advice On Campaign Theme Songs To Avoid

It seems that the 2008 election brew-ha-ha is on. It was on a few months ago. But with nothing of substance to talk about, the wonderful American News Media has decided to talk about the highly important issue of......campaign theme songs! Yawn.

It seems that some candidates (last time I checked only on the Democrat side but I expect this to change) are letting people suggest and vote for their campaign theme song. Why not. It gives people something to do and keeps them from playing in traffic. And what else is the internet useful for? Not a whole lot. Except tons of free porn. And MP3 downloads. And buying crap. And even ordering pizza! How lazy does your ass have to be before you decide that the computer is an easier way to order a pizza than picking up the phone?

Anyhow the "suggest a theme song using You Tube" is a good idea. It gets people talking about you. And we all love to vote for unimportant shit! How many people vote for American Idol VS how many people show up for national elections? So yea, good idea. DIRT CHEAP for the campaign. You Tube is free and web cams are cheap.

But anyway - here is my list of songs that should probably be AVOIDED if you want a theme song for your presidential bid. Unless you are me. I am cool enough that I could use any of these songs and get away with it.

1. 2 Live Crew - Face Down, Ass Up
2. 2 Live Crew - Me So Horny
3. Flying Burrito Brothers - Lazy Day
4. Cypress Hill - Hits From The Bong
5. Cypress Hill - I Want To Get High
6. Adam Ant - Strip
7. Afro Man - Cause I Got High
8. Anti-Flag - Die For Your Government
9. Beastie Boys - Brass Monkey
10. Billy Joel - Captain Jack
11. Yonder Mountain Band - Whiskey Before Breakfast
12. David Lee Roth - Just A Jigalo
13. Dead Kennedys - Kill The Poor
14. Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon - Plastic Jesus
15. Dead Milkmen - Taking Retards To The Zoo
16. NWA - Fuck The Police
17. Various Artists - Money (Thats What I Want)
18. Fall Out Boy - This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race
19. The Clancy Brothers - Beer, Beer Beer
20. J Giles Band - Angel Is A Centerfold
21. John Denver - Rocky Mountain High
22. Johnny Cash - I Hardly Ever Sing Beer Drinking Songs
23. Kanye West - Golddigger
24. King Missile - Detachable Penis
25. Rick James - Give It To Me
26. Musical Youth - Pass The Dutchie
27. Styx - Mr. Roboto (should be BANNED world wide NOW)
28. The Vapors - Turning Japanese
29. The Waitresses - Johnny Are You Queer
30. Ween - The Homo Rainbow
31. Joan Jett and The Black Hearts - Bad Reputation
32. Shel Silverstein - I Got Stoned And I Missed It
33. Guttermouth - (Want To) Fuck The Spice Girls
34. Dennis Leary - I'm An Asshole
35. Queensryche - Empire
36. Dead Kennedys - Chemical Warfare

This list is by no means complete. But it is a good place to start. ALL OF THE ABOVE are not really good campaign theme songs. If someone suggests one of these songs, ignore that suggestion. It is a bad one. Trust me.

In other sadder news, Chatham the 20 year old Siamese Cat passed on Friday. He lived a full and very long life for a cat. Chatham belonged to DDDragon, a member of the Pez Family. I am saddened to hear of the loss.



Blogger Daisy said...

I was very very sad about Chatham. But I was happy that he got to celebrate his 20th birthday before he had to go to the Bridge. I miss him.

Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

THAT is funny... I think the Dead Kennedys win this round.

How about that song, It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp? It won the 2006 Grammys, didn't it?

Or George Thorogoods, One Burbon, One Scotch, and one Beer. Actually, anything by GT would be a no no. (I Drink Alone or You Talk Too Much?)

Randy Newman-Short People (Got No Reason To Live)

That's my contribution.

I can't even find one sound clip of Susan Tedeschi's Rock N Roll. You have to buy the whole album, "The Best of Susan Tedeschi vol 1." which I think I'm going to do.

Blogger Herr Krokodil said...

The Lazy,

My theme song is Celebrate by Kool and the Gang.

Where is the best place to listen to some of these? I've never heard of some of them.

A 20-year-old cat? I didn't know they lived that long.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is a long time for a cat to be on earth. He is probably going to be king of cat heaven with all that time alive.

This list of songs is very upsetting. Not the songs in and of themselves, but the fact they will not have the honor of being used

Blogger Spidey said...

I heard Sen. McCain on WIOD this morning. His claim to fame is that he can "out-campaign" anybody. His theme song should be "Detachable Penis"

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Daisy - It was sad. But 20 is a long time for a cat. Chatham had a happy life, even if he did like to chomp on old ladies giving him pills.

Emma - those are excellent song suggestions. I would agree that they are not good for a campaign theme song. By the way, I found something!

Krokodil - I could make them Iguana Music features. Which ones have you not heard?

Ba Doozie - I would slip one in as a joke. This is probably why they do not hire me to be the music guy for political rallies.

Spidey - I try to avoid WIOD. I used to listen to it when Rick and Suds were on with Neil. Now I only listen to QAM sometimes (when Neil or George is on) and some WINZ. Most of the time I am tuned to Sirius Satellite Radio.
Detachable Penis would be a good theme song for McCain. I would vote for anyone who used "Hits From The Bong" as a theme song.

Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

Holy cow, you are awesome. I can't believe you found it!!

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I am like a giant squid in the deep black sea. My tentacles stretch out very far and yet I am unseen.

Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

THANK YOU for the song. Isn't she the best..and she plays her own guitar.

I love Led Zeppelin anyway but that is a great song for the ipod. I think chores get done twice as fast.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

It is a good cover. There are a lot of her songs on Frostwire.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

But the are great party songs!

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Oh yea. And I think Hillary may be able to use "Detachable Penis" as a theme song. You know she has Bill's in a jar somewhere!

Blogger Dusty said...

My condolences to DDDragon. I know about losing a pet.. your never ready.

Did you try to pass off Skipper on em? Its just a thought.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

No. Skipper lives in FL and New England is far off. Plus Skipper hates snow. He is a tropical cat.


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