Feeling Stupid Today

I am feeling slightly stupid today. And here is a chart I made stole from the internet to demonstrate my point.

As you can see, the graph drops sharply towards the dumb axis at some point. I can not tell where, because the brain does not seem to be 100% functional today.

But all is not lost! You see, I secretly want to be like that Ron Popeil guy. You know, Ronco? Inventor of such wonderful products as the "inside the egg shell egg scrambler", "spray paint for your bald spot", the "dial-o-matic" food slicer, the "don't cut the shit out of yourself" bagel slicer, and other wonderful products that nobody can live without. All for only $19.99 - or in some cases 4 easy payments of $39.99 for things like the Showtime "set it and forget it" oven. Yes, Mr. Popeil is a super evil genius. And very rich too.

So I am thinking - hell I can do this! Just invent some crappy product and hawk it on late night TV! Make some 30 minute infomercial thing and start to rake in the jack! So here are some ideas that I may or may not have stolen from somewhere else.

The LazyCo Cat Carrier! Tired of those big bulky plastic box cage things? I know I am! Where do you store it? What if you live in an apartment and do not have a garage or shed in the backyard to throw all your junk in? And have you ever wanted to keep a cat carrier in your car, neatly stowed under your seat? Well then you need the LazyCo patented Tabby Tote!

It could not be easier to use! Just put the cat's head in the protective muzzle, and give the patented kitty comfort screw a few turns! That is it! Cats love the open air feeling they get from the Tabby Tote, and owners love how little space it takes up! Keep one in your car, one in the office, one at home, and even pack one in your luggage when you travel! Anytime you need a cat carrier, you will have one! Order now and you get not only ONE Tabby Tote for $29.99, you will get TWO! Just pay the additional shipping and handling charge.

No? Not for you? Well then I KNOW you will love this! Tired of that rug rat infant who just makes a mess? Ever wish you could put the kid to work so they learn early the value of a dollar? Want to instill a powerful work ethic into your kids? OF COURSE YOU DO! Everyone does! Why, what parent does NOT want to give their kids any advantage they can in this dog eat dog rat race world we live in? A BAD parent - that is who! And you do not want to be a bad parent, do you?

Well then you need the LazyCo patented BABY MOP!

Yes parents, with the Baby Mop you can put your kid to good use as soon as it can crawl! Your friends will be amazed at how clean your floor is! With the Baby Mop, your infant is a broom, a mop, or even a floor buffer! Need some sweeping? Then leave the Baby Mop dry! Whats that? You need to mop!?! OH NO! Forget the messy bucket of water that can spill, just soak the Baby Mop in your favorite floor cleaning solution and put it on your kid! That floor will be spotless in no time! Need to wax that hardwood floor, but Oprah is on and you do not want to miss her book club segment? You guessed it! Apply the floor wax to the Baby Mop then kick back for a well deserved rest! Let the kid do all the work for a change! Order now and Ill even throw in an EXTRA Baby Mop for no additional charge! Call in the next 20 minutes and I will even throw in a FREE Baby Mop pole, in case the infant is a slacker and falls asleep half way through the job. All for the incredibly low price of $19.99!

And just in case animal cruelty and child labor does not get me in enough trouble, there is always the LazyCo Computer For Chicks!

Hey guys, tired of your woman wasting all that time playing games on Yahoo? Well then you need the LazyCo Computer For Women! It is very simple to use, and guaranteed to provide hours of fun!

NOTE - LazyCo in no way shall be held legally responsible for any problems the Computer For Women may cause. Please do not bother calling LazyCo Customer Support for issues such as "I have to sleep on the couch for the next 10 years" or "now I have to use my right hand" or "the mousepad was crammed up my ass when I was sleeping" or even "my woman right clicked the mouse to the high setting and then mashed it down on my genitals". Customer Support can not resolve these issues as they are the result of improper use. All legal claims relating to improper use shall be litigated in Saudi Arabia.