What Is Best In Life?

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the women.


As you can tell, I may have gotten around to watching Conan The Barbarian. An epic tale of revenge. With snakes. And heads getting lopped off. And of course a moral.

Don't piss off a barbarian, or anyone who may one day become a barbarian.

The most amazing thing is that it seems this movie has only recently been released on DVD. The very first "Sword and Sorcery" film and it is just now out on DVD? Or at least Netflix just recently obtained this movie. It was on my "saved" list for a long time.

And now a movie for you! Well not so much a movie as a creepy commercial. With a clown. A lame ass clown.


WOW! Television used to be really lame. And creepy. Would you let your kids near some guy wearing a paper soda cup as a nose? I think this commercial is why clown phobia is so common today.

But the guy in this commercial went on to become even more famous. Here is a segment of another TV show he was in.


OK THERE! Moving on........

Clowns are creepy. And never talk to the cops without an attorney. And for crying out loud, lay off the internet chat rooms!

Speaking of cops, I was at aTGI Froday's by the University Of Miami getting food a few days ago. And what did I see?

A car parked in such a way that it was taking up two spaces. So I think to myself "what an asshole this person is". I park at the spot next to the car taking up two spaces, and take another look at the asshole car.

I notice it is a Crown Victoria. I think to myself "huh, lots of police departments buy those".

And then I notice, on either side of the third brake light..........

Police lights. And on front of the car is one of those police spot light things. And behind the grill are more police lights. And at the top of the windshield are more police lights.

What we have here is an unmarked police vehicle. With an ASSHOLE driving it.

Suddenly it was all clear. The ASSHOLE driving the PIG MOBILE is above the law. He can park and take up multiple spaces in a busy parking lot, for his special powers of PORK give him the right to just ignore the lines in the parking lot! Of course us normal people who are NOT PIGS have to obey every single law or else the SWINE will pull us over in his unmarked car and ticket us.

But the law clearly did not apply to him. His PIG BUDDIES were not going to give him a ticket. Nobody was going to tow the car. And even if the car did get towed, the PIG would just go to the tow truck lot, flash a badge, and get the car back. No problem.

So I have a message to the PIG! Why limit your law breaking to double parking? Why not use a handicapped space? You will not get a ticket. Or what the hell, just park sideways and take up three or even four spaces. You deserve that. You are so much better than us peons who have to follow the law because it is the law.

But you, oh mighty one, are above the law. For you ARE the law. I should have offered to wash and wax that patrol car for you as homage to your greatness.

This kind of bullshit really pisses me off. The law is SUPPOSED TO apply to all equally. That is the why it is the law. But all the time I see cops just figuring that they can ignore the law, as if it were something that did not apply to them. I have seen them run red lights WITHOUT emergency lights on - and then just drive normally. Clearly not on any emergency call.

I have been passed by cops exceeding the speed limit by 20 mph on the highway. How did I know they were not on an emergency call? Because they were Miami-Dade County cops and I was in Borward County - or they were Florida City cops and I was in Doral. Or something similar.

Pigs with take home vehicles, speeding because they are in marked cars and will not get pulled over because of some stupid pig code.

But when I change lanes illegally - BAM! I am some sort of major traffic law violator and I get a ticket. But had I flashed a badge, the West Miami police would have just told me to go.

Now as someone who has worked in the government I would hear all the time "the appearance of unethical behavior is just as bad as actual unethical behavior". Or something like that. The idea was that we were supposed to conduct ourselves in such a way as to convey a positive image to the general public.

Of course this does not apply to cops. They are above the law and better than everyone else. So they can hog up multiple spots in a parking lot.

I carry my camera around with me now so I can document any more examples of pigness that I happen to encounter and can photograph.

They expect us to follow the law, so THEY SHOULD SET THE EXAMPLE and follow all laws to the letter. But they don't. They just ticket us when we don't follow the law. But to the police, laws are merely suggestions. Not rules they must obey.

Never before was I more tempted to take a piss in a gas tank. But I did not, for that would be against the law. And I obey the law. Except for some lane changing laws which I have been known to break. OOPS!

But you know what is better than taking a leak in the gas tank? Taking a leak on the door handle. The driver would have to touch the door handle to open it. Taking a wizz in the gas tank would just cost tax payers money to fix the car, and the cops would get a newer patrol car out of the deal. So yea - never before was I more tempted to pee on the police car door handle.

But again - against the law. Unless you happen to be a police officer. Then it would be OK.

Working In Mysterious Ways

A zoo in Manchester England is celebrating the hatching of some new Komodo Dragons. But not just ANY baby Komodo Dragons! These are special, because the mother lizard has never had any male contact. Yes, it is a lizard virgin birth. A miracle.

My spy sources snapped this photo. According to the article (click the link) other reptile species reproduce asexually in a process known as parthenogenesis. But Flora's virginal conception, and that of another Komodo dragon in April at the London Zoo, are the first documented in a Komodo dragon. DNA test prove that Flora The Dragon is the mother and father. But the babies are not exact clones. Strange huh?

The male dragons at the zoo are reported to be relieved that they are not the baby daddy. A zoo lizard does make a lot of money, so having half their paycheck garnished is not something they want. But at the same time, they are understandably upset. A pregnant virgin dragon is every male dragon's worst nightmare.

Now onto the next strange item of the day! Authorities investigating a 29-year-old sex offender suspected of repeatedly enrolling in schools as a 12-year-old boy said Thursday they seized a video showing him engaging in sex acts with a child. It seems the man was able to pass himself off as a 12 year old boy to two other adult sex offenders (who thought he was really a 12 year old boy) AND to staff members at a school. He attended school, enrolled as a 12 year old boy, for 50 days before being dropped for lack of attendance. During that time he raised no concerns.

WHAT THE CRAP!?!? Nobody caught on to this ruse? You would think that a "12 year old" who can do the Safety Dance would raise just a few concerns. I would be all like "Hey - how the hell do you know about Men Without Hats and Devo?". But whatever. This guy will have a good old time in jail! He will get passed around like the cold.

Finally, it seems that cab drivers at the Minneapolis - St. Paul International Airport are refusing to accept passengers who are carrying alcohol. It seems that about 3/4 of the 900 cabs licensed to service the airport are Muslim, and according to their faith they are forbidden from drinking, transporting, or buying and selling alcohol. They believe that if they accept a fare who is packing booze, they are sinning. As a result, some passengers have had to wait up to 20 minutes as cab driver after cab driver passed them by.

Airport officials are not sure what to do. At this moment, the CNN internet poll of 20,971 people (you CAN vote more than once - so how many of these are duplicate results is unknown) resulted in 14% (2872) saying "yes" and 86% (18099) saying "no" to the question "Should cab drivers be able to refuse passengers on religious grounds".

I can see both sides here. One one hand, we have freedom of religion in this nation. People are free to worship however they see fit - and (in theory) nobody can harass them for their beliefs. So if transporting alcohol is a violation of your religion - then that is the way it is! You have a right to ban alcohol from your car. And what if I own a store? In Florida, if I place a sign in the window that says "no concealed weapons" then guess what? Even if you have a permit to carry - you can not do so in my store. I suppose I could also refuse to allow booze in my store. What I CAN NOT do is ban people based on race, color, national origin, religion, height, weight, hair color, age, or whatever. But I CAN ban objects - so long it applies to everyone without regard to race, religion, national origin, etc and so on.

So can a Muslim cab driver ban alcohol from his "place of business"? Well, it is his cab.

But then again, I would be pissed if I was at the airport and the cab driver said I could get in, but not the duty free alcohol I had bought.

So I do not know what I would do either. What a mess for the Minneapolis - St. Paul International Airport people. Glad it is them and not me! There is no easy way for them to get out of this one. Religious freedom VS customer service. Forcing cab drivers to allow passengers with alcohol could result in a law suit. Banning Muslim cab drivers would be illegal. But pissed off passengers is also not good.