Doozie - This Is Bullshit

This post is all for one QZ Ba-Doozie. That's right - your very own post. You do realize that this is a great honor. I hope to get thousands of comments. I BETTER get an ass load of comments. Because it is not often that one gets a blog post about their blog. So don't hold out with the comments. Because only three comments is 100% bullshit. I simply do not tolerate bullshit.

Anyhow QZ, you ought not let douche bags dictate what you do. what proof does some douche bag have that your blog is actually written by you? None. Just do not put your photo on the blog. The asshole douche bag piece of shit can say whatever they want - it is a free country (for now - Bush is hard at work to fix this problem). But who cares? What proof do they have you are actually you? Make a new profile, do not include your name, do not say you live where you live (claim you live in Miami Florida - I will vouch for you), and do not include any photos of yourself. And then there is no proof you are you!

Keep in mind I am really an iguana who can type. And I am also an iguana with a larger vocabulary and better grasp of the English language than most Americans. Seriously. I am really an iguana. A lazy iguana. Can you prove otherwise? Not using my blog. I am very careful. Those who know me know me and know that my secret ID must remain secret. Those who do not know me have no idea who I am. Yes they may suspect I am who I am - but there is no proof!

So fuck them in the goat ass. Without proof all you have is shit. And shit does not float, unless you eat a lot of vegetables. If you eat a lot of vegetables your shit might float. Trust me - I know. I have done an experiment and not eaten ANYTHING made from animals for a whole month. Except beer. Beer uses yeast. But yeast is a FUNGUS and not technically an animal. The 5 kingdoms are animal. plant, protozoa, fungi, and monera. Animals are animals, plants are plants (anything with cell walls pretty much), protozoa (single cell critters like amoebas and paramecium and shit), fungi are fungus like YEAST and mushrooms and shit, monera are bacteria and viruses - if viruses are in fact alive. Bacteria lack a cell nucleus. If you are in the animal, plant, or fungi kingdom your cells have a defined nucleus where your DNA lives. If you are a member of the monera kingdom you can not read and your single cell does NOT have a nucleus.

What the hell was I saying? I totally forgot.

You see, I opened and drank an ENTIRE bottle of Spanish wine. I can not reveal where I got the wine from or who gave it to me. I used to be special. I am not special anymore. I liked being special. The fact I am not special anymore makes me sad. Very sad.

But what is done is done. No point in being sad about anything. One has to be very zen about bullshit. Go WITH the flow. Do not try to fight the river current.

UNLESS you are a salmon. If salmon said "you know what - I am not going to swim against the stream" there would be no salmon. They would have died out, Salmon MUST swim upstream - or else the species dies out.

I am a salmon. I feel like swimming upstream. To hell with everyone and everything.

You know what??? Fuck it. I have a bottle of wine from France. In fact, it was technically a gift from France. Not a person in France, or someone I know who visited France. But from France. As in the Nation of France. Kind of like how the Statue Of Liberty was a gift from France. I feel like opening it. And so I shall. Because I can.

And THAT is how I roll.