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Friday, November 23, 2007

Doozie - This Is Bullshit

This post is all for one QZ Ba-Doozie. That's right - your very own post. You do realize that this is a great honor. I hope to get thousands of comments. I BETTER get an ass load of comments. Because it is not often that one gets a blog post about their blog. So don't hold out with the comments. Because only three comments is 100% bullshit. I simply do not tolerate bullshit.

Anyhow QZ, you ought not let douche bags dictate what you do. what proof does some douche bag have that your blog is actually written by you? None. Just do not put your photo on the blog. The asshole douche bag piece of shit can say whatever they want - it is a free country (for now - Bush is hard at work to fix this problem). But who cares? What proof do they have you are actually you? Make a new profile, do not include your name, do not say you live where you live (claim you live in Miami Florida - I will vouch for you), and do not include any photos of yourself. And then there is no proof you are you!

Keep in mind I am really an iguana who can type. And I am also an iguana with a larger vocabulary and better grasp of the English language than most Americans. Seriously. I am really an iguana. A lazy iguana. Can you prove otherwise? Not using my blog. I am very careful. Those who know me know me and know that my secret ID must remain secret. Those who do not know me have no idea who I am. Yes they may suspect I am who I am - but there is no proof!

So fuck them in the goat ass. Without proof all you have is shit. And shit does not float, unless you eat a lot of vegetables. If you eat a lot of vegetables your shit might float. Trust me - I know. I have done an experiment and not eaten ANYTHING made from animals for a whole month. Except beer. Beer uses yeast. But yeast is a FUNGUS and not technically an animal. The 5 kingdoms are animal. plant, protozoa, fungi, and monera. Animals are animals, plants are plants (anything with cell walls pretty much), protozoa (single cell critters like amoebas and paramecium and shit), fungi are fungus like YEAST and mushrooms and shit, monera are bacteria and viruses - if viruses are in fact alive. Bacteria lack a cell nucleus. If you are in the animal, plant, or fungi kingdom your cells have a defined nucleus where your DNA lives. If you are a member of the monera kingdom you can not read and your single cell does NOT have a nucleus.

What the hell was I saying? I totally forgot.

You see, I opened and drank an ENTIRE bottle of Spanish wine. I can not reveal where I got the wine from or who gave it to me. I used to be special. I am not special anymore. I liked being special. The fact I am not special anymore makes me sad. Very sad.

But what is done is done. No point in being sad about anything. One has to be very zen about bullshit. Go WITH the flow. Do not try to fight the river current.

UNLESS you are a salmon. If salmon said "you know what - I am not going to swim against the stream" there would be no salmon. They would have died out, Salmon MUST swim upstream - or else the species dies out.

I am a salmon. I feel like swimming upstream. To hell with everyone and everything.

You know what??? Fuck it. I have a bottle of wine from France. In fact, it was technically a gift from France. Not a person in France, or someone I know who visited France. But from France. As in the Nation of France. Kind of like how the Statue Of Liberty was a gift from France. I feel like opening it. And so I shall. Because I can.

And THAT is how I roll.

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Blogger Yippeeskip said...

Keep on blogging. On the day before I went to work for the Nun and the Catholics I blogged about making a flogger to honor flogging for Jesus and ode to Opus Dei. You need an outlet.
Blogger needs you

Blogger M@ said...

I love Badoozie. I want to live in her ass. This is not fair. We should kill her ex-husband.

Blogger M@ said...

Fuck them in the goat-ass, indeed, my friend.

My ex took me to court for a restraining order once and submitted some paper copies of emails I had written to her. As if that's REAL evidence that could not have been fabricated.

She also said stuff I wrote about her on my blog was pretty libelous.

"PRETTY libelous?" Is that a legal term? :)

Blogger Dusty said...

Its a bitch when people have to shut down their blog because they fear something or someone.

What bastids. What dickheads..what a bunch of bullshit.

Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

Okay, I believe I have successfully negotiated that post and can now comment. I think.

Oh, yes: plausible denial. Who can prove it's her?

Blogger TLP said...


Blogger TLP said...

You want a bunch of comments?

Blogger TLP said...

Your wish is my command.

Blogger TLP said...

I don't wanna be f*cked in my goat-ass. Heck, I didn't even know I had one!

Blogger Avery Gray said...

Yeah. What tlp said.

Blogger Avery Gray said...

No Doozer? I can't believe it! I'm just... I'm in shock. What will become of the blogosphere?

Blogger Avery Gray said...

Doozer, if you go, the terrorists will have won. And they're bad people. They spread terror. That's why they're called terrorists. You don't want people like that to win, do you? 'Cause it's not right.

Blogger Avery Gray said...


Come back, Dooz.

Blogger Meow (aka Connie) said...

Here, here ... and she raises her glass in agreement with everything you said !!!
It's a real shame when people have to close down their blogs, for whatever reason ... but this reason sucks ... especially for someone like Badoozer ... she's a star, and I think she's great.
Anyway ... I laughed at your comment on her comments ... "Am I the only one who gets a kick about how "Meow" signs off using her real name with her fake internet name in parentheses? That shit cracks me up" ... yep, I'm weird, but there is another Connie who frequents many of the blogs that I do, so I am just clarifying things ... OK !!!
Luv ya, Iguana ... Connie (Meow) !!!!!!

Blogger Lavender said...

You are a salmon? I thought you were an iguana.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

when i read that doozie was shutting up shop, i became the un-laughing boy. she is a star....and dammit, i want her back!

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Yippee - Did Opus Dei appreciate the competition? I thought they already had the flogger racket locked up.

M@ - So I take it the restraining order was thrown out? You should have pulled a reversal in court and asked for a restraining order against her. Your evidence? Her actions in court prove she is in fact crazy.

Dusty - Yea. It is a pain in the ass. But I have a sneaky suspicion that things will be OK.

Scarlet - One of my general rules is to never leave evidence.

TLP - I stole that line from a comedy bit. I forgot which comedy bit.

Avery - who knows what will happen. Somehow, I do not think it is over.

Meow - OK that makes sense. You put your blog ID in the parenthesis because of the fake Connie. But the dancing cat lets everyone know you are you. Or does the other Connie also use the same dancing cat?

Lavender - I can change forms.

Laughing - whatever happens happens. I suppose.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

As Lazy (and Doozie) know I had to shut down my old blog because of a major jerkola. I still have blogs but none of them are listed in my profile. Doozie should set up her blog so that we have to log in using our emails. Top secret style. I almost did that but instead I just went clandestine and took them off my blog roll. Except for the old blog, which I did shut down because the dickhead had that address.
Officious idiots and trolls ought to be sent to the nearest asteroid where they can pester each other and leave the rest of us in peace.

Anonymous Emma You Know Who said...

I talk with Doozie almost every day and they visit my blog just as many times to get to her. It's sickening.

Her ex's new wife is a jealous control frreak who has GOT to be intimidated by Dooz. It's hard when your husband's ex is prettier, smarter, funnier, and actually has a life and friends beyond the frumpy babysitter. (oh, did I say that?). They are spiteful enough to inform her new or potential employer. It's disgusting but we have her back and ready to stab and scissor kick.


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