New Relationships

I think I may be in love. I like my current girl OK, but she is getting old. She treats me all right, never really letting me down and all. I hope we can still be friends. But I saw a new girl today. And she is HOTTT. With three Ts.

And here she is. This is the view looking at her bow. She is living with some other dude now, but he is also moving on to a larger bodied companion. He likes em big I suppose - while I am more into the slim and trim look.

Right now we are just flirting. I did go over to see her today, as you can see by the picture I took. We talked a bit and stuff. Ill keep everyone updated about how this works out.

And now......HOW TO OPEN A BEER BOTTLE WITHOUT USING A BOTTLE OPENER! Everyone knows that all the good beers come in non screw off tops. Well not ALL the good beer - Sierra Nevada beer comes with a twist off top. I think Dogfish Head Brewery also uses twist off tops. Sierra Nevada and Dogfish Head make some ass kicking beers. Very good stuff there.

But what do you do when you get a pop off top, and you do not have a bottle opener handy?

First off - and this is VERY important - DO NOT PANIC! Everything will be OK. Soon that top will be off and you will be less thirsty.

Look around for something hard with an edge or corner or ledge or something. Examples include a window sill, a table edge, a flat part of a boat trailer, the top edge of your car door, an anvil, or anything else with a hard flat edge to it.

Now for the fun part. Rest the beer bottle cap edge on the hard object. You probably have to angle the bottle slightly. The edge of the bottle cap should "hook" the edge of the hard object edge. Now make a fist. While holding the bottle in one hand, strike the top of the bottle cap with your closed fist. You have to strike it like you mean it, but not too hard. A medium force blow will do it.

At this point, the cap should be off and your beer should be open. If the cap is still there, you did not hit it hard enough OR the object you picked to use is not hard enough. If the beer foams too much, it may be too warm OR you hit the cap too hard. If the bottle chips or breaks - you hit it way too hard.

With practice, you can quickly open a beer without causing too much foam or breaking the bottle - even if you are a mile away from a "bottle opener".

NOTE - do not try this method on antique wood furniture. If you are using a car door, it is not recommended that you use a new car or a car you give a shit about the paint on.

FUN QUEEN FACT! Did you know the Queen never farts? Yup, that is right! Never. How is this possible?? Back in the 1970s she made a Royal Decree saying so!
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