New Relationships
I think I may be in love. I like my current girl OK, but she is getting old. She treats me all right, never really letting me down and all. I hope we can still be friends. But I saw a new girl today. And she is HOTTT. With three Ts.
Right now we are just flirting. I did go over to see her today, as you can see by the picture I took. We talked a bit and stuff. Ill keep everyone updated about how this works out.
And now......HOW TO OPEN A BEER BOTTLE WITHOUT USING A BOTTLE OPENER! Everyone knows that all the good beers come in non screw off tops. Well not ALL the good beer - Sierra Nevada beer comes with a twist off top. I think Dogfish Head Brewery also uses twist off tops. Sierra Nevada and Dogfish Head make some ass kicking beers. Very good stuff there.
But what do you do when you get a pop off top, and you do not have a bottle opener handy?
First off - and this is VERY important - DO NOT PANIC! Everything will be OK. Soon that top will be off and you will be less thirsty.
Look around for something hard with an edge or corner or ledge or something. Examples include a window sill, a table edge, a flat part of a boat trailer, the top edge of your car door, an anvil, or anything else with a hard flat edge to it.
Now for the fun part. Rest the beer bottle cap edge on the hard object. You probably have to angle the bottle slightly. The edge of the bottle cap should "hook" the edge of the hard object edge. Now make a fist. While holding the bottle in one hand, strike the top of the bottle cap with your closed fist. You have to strike it like you mean it, but not too hard. A medium force blow will do it.
At this point, the cap should be off and your beer should be open. If the cap is still there, you did not hit it hard enough OR the object you picked to use is not hard enough. If the beer foams too much, it may be too warm OR you hit the cap too hard. If the bottle chips or breaks - you hit it way too hard.
With practice, you can quickly open a beer without causing too much foam or breaking the bottle - even if you are a mile away from a "bottle opener".
NOTE - do not try this method on antique wood furniture. If you are using a car door, it is not recommended that you use a new car or a car you give a shit about the paint on.
FUN QUEEN FACT! Did you know the Queen never farts? Yup, that is right! Never. How is this possible?? Back in the 1970s she made a Royal Decree saying so!
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Labels: boats, cheating, fun queen fact, how to open a beer in an emergency
14 Comments:
I think perhaps the Queen announces her presence with an arse-trumpet.
I like to picture the queen as someone who has old lady wet farts, the kind you hear in the adjacent stall in a public restroom, and you look down, spot some orthopedic shoes next to you. The bubbly, wet fart goes on and on and on, and you are about to shit your own pants because you are having trouble not laughing and or getting the heck out of there.
as for the boat, we shall call it Her Sleekness. FINALLY a boat someone took care of, buy it post haste. Do not pass go, do not collect on any bets, just get it. Per the Nike catch phrase, just do it. Because tomorrow you may die, and you may as well have fun while you're here.
I like to picture the Queen as a dirty old bum. And I'm about to go up and sock her one because she's a dirty old bum, but I suddenly see something sparkly on her head, and I realize, hey...this ain't no dirty old bum...this is the queen, I better not sock her one
CM - now there is a mental image nobody needs!
Ba Doozie - those sounds sometimes can be heard in a mens room stall. Usually with the sounds of someone groaning or something. And in the mens room it is OK to laugh or make comments like "if you pass a kidney, save it for me" or something. I may just buy the boat. But I have to go to the Keys to look at another boat. Then I can make a proper decision. The 19 footer is a nice boat. It does not need rims to make it pimpin.
Cal - it is probably a good idea to not sock the Queen one. She probably has James Bond guarding her or something. He will kill you with his laser watch, then score with all the hot babes you know.
I thought she decreed it was "a case of the vapors"
I might be wrong.
Okay, are you going to see Ronin or Wasabi soon?
My favorite movies:
Ronin
Wasabi
Amelie
Run Lola Run
The Transporter (the second one stunk huge, but the first one....fabulous)
The Lazy,
That white skin looks nice and smooth on her. I remember taking girls out on my boat and then they would attack me and spank me, so be careful.
I honestly believe that really hot women don't fanny burp or excrete number 2. Golden shower, now that's a whole other thing.
Ronin is on the list at the number 5 slot. But slots 1-3 are movies that will not be released until later this month. So I should have Ronin on Wednesday, along with Black Hawk Down. We Were Soldiers should arrive on Tuesday.
Caiman - I spent more time with my new girlfriend today. I almost had sex with her, right there in front of the dude she is still living with. she is that hot.
Next week she may be mine.
The Lazy,
Excellent news. Beat off the morning before you see her so you don't seem too eager. Thanks for the songs on my blog.
I hve to break her in properly. There will probbly be a christening ceremony, along with a denaming / renaming ceremony.
Lazy style. I will exchange champagne for excellent beer.
Whoo-hoo, what a cool boat. I hope you get to have her ... I'm sure there are many years of fun with her.
We didn't use our boat this weekend, in fact we haven't used it for awhile (our lakes are lacking water at the moment, and it is somewhat too small to take out in the surf !!) We may be putting it up for sale, soon.
Good luck with the boat.
Take care, Meow
Lazy,
Have you seen We Were Soldiers? That is one of the best Vietnam movies I have seen, hands down.
I think I did see "We Were Soldiers". But I rented it again.
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