More Nut Talk

Today is all nut day here at the Lazy Iguana Blog. For todays first nut story, we will check in on Cornelius. He has no nuts.

Cornelius is doing fine. He was wobbling like a drunken sailor on payday when I got him home, but the kitty knock out drugs wore off and he was back to normal, only just a little tiny bit lighter. He is hanging out with me now, like nothing even happened. He is a good little cat, in the car he just hangs out in the kitty cage and does not meow nonstop like the other three cats do.

For the next nuts story, we will check in with my favorite American. This guy.

As you probably the Prime Minister of Israel, Ariel Sharon, suffered a massive stroke. So what does Pat Robertson have to say about it? Get well soon? No. I pray for his recovery? No. How about "I pray that even if Mr. Sharon can not recover, that the peace plan he began will live on". No. Not even close. Here is what he said.

"He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America,'" Robertson told viewers of his long-running television show, "The 700 Club."

"God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone,'"

So there you have it! God smote Sharon because of the stuff Pat Robertson said. Divide God's land? Really now. Does God care about political lines on a map? I doubt it. But Pat did not stop there! Oh no! There is more.

The same month, the Anti-Defamation League criticized Robertson for warning that God would "bring judgment" against Israel for its withdrawal from Gaza, which it had occupied since the 1967 Mideast war.

And here is the embarassing part. Daniel Ayalon, Israel's ambassador to the United States, compared Robertson's remarks to the overheated rhetoric of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. And the ambassador is correct. Pat seems to think the stroke was some sort of punishment from God, and the Iranian President would agree. You have to admit that Robertson and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad make a cute couple.

I am all for free speech and all, but someone needs to take away Pat Robertson's access to the media. Get his ass OFF the TV and radio. The FCC ought to censor him, he offends me every time he speaks.

Whose side are you on Pat? Are you with us, or against us? Seems to me like you WANT the peace process in Israel to die. Seems like you WANT the blood to continue to flow over there. Do you support Hamas, this group also wants a war in Israel just like you do Mr. Robertson.

This guy really horks me off. I wish someone would just tell him to SHUT UP. If I were the President, I would invite him to the White House and give him a BALL GAG as a gift, have the Secret Service put it on him, stuff him into the trunk of the presidential limo, drive him to New Jersey, and dump him on the side of the road in Newark.

Now to end this nuts post, I will cut to my field reporter, Mr. Peanut.

He has nothing else to add, other than BUY MORE PLANTRERS! Mr. Peanut wants to retire, and needs those royalties more than ever now.