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Thursday, February 21, 2008

The House

So today was a pretty normal day. Well sort of. I had some alterations done to the boat. Nothing major, just a little tiny configuration change. You will probably not even notice, the change is so slight. But here are some before and after photos anyway. Like I said, the change is not very obvious so you may not notice any difference in the photos.

And after.........

To the untrained eye, it may seem like the same boat. And it is. But there is one little tiny difference.

Anyhow, other than the boat configuration change it was a fairly normal day. Then someone calls me and asks if I can help move a pool table.

Aw hell. Here we go. Let me guess, you need a truck and/or flatbed trailer right? WRONG! The caller already has a U-Haul truck rented till tomorrow. Nifty. And what the hell? Ill go help move one little tiny not at all heavy pool table. Why not. I have nothing else better to do.

So I go over to their place and get into another car for the drive to meet the U-Haul truck at the pool table location.

The House.

I get there and I notice something strange. The owner is not there. Some other person has the keys, and the pool table, which is not at all heavy, is in the garage.

Except that pool tables ARE heavy. The playing surface is felt over slabs of slate. You can not really move a pool table without taking it apart. There are people that do this. You can do it yourself, but you have to be careful and know what you are doing. Otherwise the table can be damaged.

And to compound issues, this is a cheap ass table. Try to pick it up and it started to come apart.

So we just went in the house, under the orders to "just grab stuff and load it up". Well, OK. Whatever. Something about some chairs or whatever.

Hey, I am just the hired help. An order follower.

Once inside the house I notice something strange. There is nothing in there. It was a pretty nice place, but there was nothing in it. And the place seemed to be in disarray. And then I notice that in the kitchen, in the space where there should be a refrigerator and stove - there is nothing.

As it turns out, someone bought the pool table from the owners of the house. But the owners, for whatever reason, had to boogie out of town. Maybe they were behind on payments. Maybe there was some family emergency that caused them to have to leave. Maybe something else. But whatever the reason, the owners left the USA and will not be back. They left the guy they sold the pool table the house keys and the access card to get into the gated community.

WOW! Free house! For $50!!!! Talk about a deal!

The place was gutted. The major kitchen appliances were gone. All furniture was gone. The washer and drier in the garage is gone. All that was left was a little bit of a mess, and some assorted scattered clothing and old shoes and stuff.

The people were not totally evil, they did not damage anything on their way out. No plumbing was ripped out of the walls or anything. The kitchen sink was still there. The counters were still there.

So at this point, I go into search and recovery mode. The first thing I look for is booze. I saw some bottles, I figured there might be other bottles. But alas, all I found were empties. They must have had a party before they left. For a while I got excited when I found a Johnny Walker Blue box, but there was nothing inside. Bummer.

I also found an empty bottle of Ice Wine. Double bummer. I would rather find a bottle of Ice Wine than a bottle of overpriced scotch.

Anyway, I figure that while I am probably already doing something illegal, I might as well make it worth my while. The bank that was going to end up with the place did not want any junk still in there. So as long as I did not damage anything what was the harm?

But there was nothing left. Just some sort of patio table thing, some chairs for it, a folding metal chair, empty bottles, glassware, plastic bags, and loose assorted old clothing.

So anyway, here is my loot!!! In the garage I found two boxes of drier sheets. I was all out of those! So I took em. I also found some laundry detergent. Hey, I am almost out of that stuff too, so in the loot bag it goes! I found a container of Gorilla Glue - which is some good stuff. I found a package of nylon zip ties. I could always use more of those. I found a bottle of spray starch, a container of spray shoe waterproofing, two bottles of sun screen, and some Downy Wrinkle Remover.

I also found a WALL FOUNTAIN! I always wanted one of them. So I took it. I had to cut an electric cord, but that is OK because it was just the cord for a cheap water pump. I can get another at any aquarium store. Or I can splice on another plug. Whatever. The point is I now have a cool (cheap ass) wall fountain. I would never pay even $5 for this thing, but what the hell!

If its free, its for me. That is what I always say. And it was free. It looks sort of like this.

Except this is a nice one. The one I got is the cheap knockoff version of this. But whatever. FREE WALL FOUNTAIN!

So there we go. One more foreclosure house. The people bailed, and this means next month's mortgage payment will go unpaid. So will the utility bills (power and water is still on). It may take a few months before the bank catches on.

Someone is going to get a decent deal on a nice place. They will just have to buy a new refrigerator, stove, washer, and drier. And blinds / curtains for the windows as whatever was there is gone now. New houses normally come empty (with major kitchen appliances), so the no furniture part is not a big deal. In fact, the bank probably would not want all the junk. They would just have to pay someone to haul it all off anyway.

But the handles to all the cabinets in the kitchen are gone. Why they would take those is just strange. I mean, take the handles but leave the cabinets? What the hell? Very strange.

So there. Another Miami experience. I did not find this to be strange, weird, or anything. Just another house with free stuff. No bog deal.

Am I jaded or what????

I can't wait to get my cool new (cheap crappy) wall fountain working!

Oh yea, I also got two plastic clothes hampers. A red one and a yellow one.

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Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

You changed out the canopy on your boat. I think I see Waldo in that picture, too.

Those are cool fountains. We don't see many fountains here, you just have to look off your gutter and there you go.

I was on the phone with Doozer and was looking for Gorilla Glue and called it Monkey Paste..wouldn't you know she laughed at me. I guess you had to be there. Okaaaaay.

Blogger Fuzz said...

You can't fool me, you took it out of the water !

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Emma - I changed the top? OH YEA! I had forgot all about that.

The wall fountain is cool. But it is just this molded plastic thing with a water pump. Not really much to it. But it is cool. And I can use it year round, because the water will never freeze.

Fuzz - YOU GOT IT! I took the boat out of the water. Actually I never keep it in the water. In a cruel twist of fate, keeping your boat in water is bad for it. Boats are happiest when they are on a lift or on a trailer.

Blogger Lily Strange said...

My untrained eye also noticed the changed canopy, although I was going to call it an awning, which probably would earn me a slapping upside the head with a fish.
Your adventure has just enough elements of sleaziness to it that if I had been involved it probably would have pushed my warped and jaded bipolar mind into hypomania. That would have been ok, though, because I've been jaded for quite some time and feeling a tad giddy and like I'm doing something not quite above board would be welcome.

Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

Maybe I should know this but what is she called?

Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

Wow, somebody hit the motherlode. Hey, if you can't get that wall fountain working, you could always use it as an extra urinal at parties.

I need some laundry detergent really bad. I'll guess I'll have to slide to the grocery store on the ice and get some.

My mother swears by the Gorilla glue. I do not think Gorillas should be slaughtered so the bourgeois can have glue, however.

I cannot tell a bit of difference in those boats. I need to have my eye trained, I'm thinking.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Lily - the sleaze was all on the people who moved out in the middle of the night after selling all the major appliances. I suspect that they were running from the law. I know that the people had kids because the bedrooms has evidence of there being kids. Looked like two girls and a boy, guessing by the sparkling glitter stickers and shit. All I took was garbage that the bank was not going to want anyway. Like opened laundry supplies. Bank don't want no drier sheets and shit. But hey - Ill take em! The pool table that was removed was legally owned by the person who had the keys to the place, he bought it before the people left.

Emma - the boat is named "Seagull", which also happens to be the name of the company that made it so "Seagull" is already written on both sides of the boat. I did not name the boat, the previous owner did. Over the thousands of years people have been using boats, it became generally accepted that it is bad luck to rename a boat unless you do a decommissioning / rechristening ceremony.

Scarlet - I could use it as a pisser. I had not thought of that. But I would rather people use a toilet or at least the back yard. The back of the neighbors wooden fence is a good place to pee. I was horrified to see they are making glue out of gorillas too. But I justify having it because I did not buy it. Someone else did. I just found it and called dibs.

Blogger Fuzz said...

The back yard works best since it's easy for drunks to hit. It's best to do this after dark though if the neighbors are picky.


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