Be Careful Where You Piss

Mental note to self, if I ever go to Japan WATCH OUT! This is part 2 of the "Crazy Japanese Prank Show" post. This video is great!

By the way, there is new Iguana Music for this post. The Iguana Music is not exactly about the content of the post, and really does not fit the theme here - but whatever. "Turning Japanese" has nothing to do with Japan. By the way, does anyone here ever click the Iguana Music? Cause I put up some good shit. So what does "Turning Japanese" all about? Lets just say cut that out or else you will go blind.

I suggest starting the You Tube video, turning the volume down, then starting up the Iguana Music. I really hope everyone has high speed internet!

The joke here is that some portable toilets are rigged. You go in, squat, and after 10 seconds the roof pops open and the toilet is lifted up. The funny part is that the person is still on the throne.

You HAVE TO watch this. Part 2 of the video involves a portable toilet, a boat, tow rope, and a wave board. Classic. Funny as....well.....shit.

What got me was the toilet design. Seriously, I would have to think about how to use the thing. It is long and narrow. Are you supposed to squat on it? Cause I do not cop a squat on public toilets. I am a man - I stand up to pee. If I have to crap then I just wait till I get home. Seriously. One time on a car trip I had to take a shit 20 minutes away from home. I held the shit in for 8 hours. Yea it was painful. I actually did shit before I got to the final destination. I had to pull into a rest stop off the interstate, go into the mens room. grab some ass wiping paper - and then I bolted off to the woods. Seriously. The woods. I found two sapling trees that were close enough together to convert into a "seat". I bent the trees at a 90 degree angle about three feet off the ground, dropped trow, sat on my woods throne, shat, wiped, and left.

The trees were probably not going to live anyway - they were too close together. My ass is not that wide. There was no time to dig a trench, so I shat bear style. No digging. No covering up. I left my handy work there for the world to see. I hope nobody stepped in it.

The point is, I did not use the gross public toilet. By the way, that really did happen. I am not making it up. I was in Alabama, I would never do that in Florida. I live in Florida after all. You do not shit in the woods where you live. Unless you dig a proper shitting hole.

It seems from this prank video that in Japan, you do not always stand up to pee. I will probably be arrested for pissing on a tree when I go there. But after watching this video no way will I use a portable toilet over there!

Or if I do, I will count to 10 before I do anything.

You Got Punked, Japanese Style!

You know that crappy MTV show "Punked"? They play jokes on people. But the jokes are LAME! OHHHH! Having someone's car towed! Real original there! Plus the people on Punked are usually celebrities of some sort. OH NO! You had my BMW towed! Good thing my backup Jaguar is parked right here!

Well the Japanese know what a joke is all about. Check out the You Tube thing. This is just HARSH! Harsh, but funny as hell. As long as it is not me. But for someone else it is great. Here you are, having fun at the ski place. Then you walk in the spa thing and before you know it - the massage chair EJECTS YOUR ASS onto the snow! The rocket chair is even better.

This is part 1 of a Japanese prank show series! Trust me, they are all good. Some are better than others, but all are good.

If you ever go to Japan - WATCH OUT! Be careful on the slopes. You never know what is going on.

People think I am crazy because I want to go to Japan. People say "but it is so far away!". Yes it is. Thanks Einstein! I did not know that! Really? It is far? I thought it was just north of Georgia! I can't just drive there? REALLY!!?!?

And they say "everyone speaks Japanese there, and you do not!". REALLY!!?!?! In Japan they speak Japanese?!?! Shit in Miami everyone speaks Spanish. I do not speak Spanish. Yet I seem to get by OK. I can even order Cafe Cubano at the La Caretta without a problem. So I learn a few key Japanese phrases like "please", "thank you", "you bring me great honor", "I would like a hot sake", and "turn on the TV".

And they say I am insane that one of the things I want to do in Tokyo is hang out at a bar and watch TV. But come on! With shows like this on the tube who would not want to get drunk and watch it!!

Beanie - enjoy the new Iguana Music. Rick James will return at a later date.

My New Favorite TV Show

This is Ninja Warrior. My new favorite TV show imported from Japan. My previous favorite TV show imported from Japan was Iron Chef.

This show is an extreme obstacle course. There are four stages. The final stage is the shortest, but it looks like a killer.

Out of the 2,000 (or more) to challenge Ninja Warrior - only two have been awarded the title. This is a reality show where most of the time there is no winner - only dishonor and shame. This is one hell of an obstacle course.

Anyway the video I posted shows one bad ass you would not want to get into a fight with showing you how to make the 4 stages your bitch. He makes it look easy, totally kicking the ass of obstacles like "Curtain Cling", "Pipe Slider", and "Metal Swing". If you listen carefully you can hear the Japanese announcer say pipe slider and curtain cling in English. It is funny cause the rest of the audio is in Japanese (with English subtitles for American TV).

By the way, the guy in the You Tube video tried three times. The first time he was short by 0.11 seconds on the final obstacle - the tower of death. The second time he screwed up the pipe slider. But in this video clip he makes it with 2.5 seconds to spare. No shame or dishonor here!

Japanese TV is so much better than the crap TV in the West. One of the things I want to do when I go to Japan is spend a day just watching the TV in my hotel room. Or better yet, watching Japanese TV at a sake bar. Living in Miami I am used to not being able to understand that the crap people around me or on the TV are saying.

You can watch Ninja Warrior every Monday and Wednesday on G4 network.