Scooby Doo

For some reason, I am watching Scooby Doo. And not the good Scooby Doo (the 70s version) but the crappy new one. It sucks.

But anyway, upon watching it I wonder why the morality police have not attacked this cartoon. The moral majority types love to attack cartoons after all. It is what they do. They seem to be able to find "the homosexual agenda" or "moral decay" in almost everything they see.

Take poor Spongebob for example. Normal people watch Spongebob and just wish they had access to the same quality drugs that the guy who creates the show is on. But when the morality police watch it they see gayness and the "homosexual agenda". How can a sponge or a starfish be gay? I just do not get it.

Anyway, they seem to have totally overlooked Scooby Doo. I am of course talking about the 1970s version of the show. I will now break it down for you.

1. Scooby and Shaggy. Obviously, these characters are hard core stoners. They say things like "zoinks" and are always looking for munchies. Now I have smoked my fair share of pot (the good stuff too, not that street crap) and I have never once said "zoinks". For Shaggy to say it must really mean he burns a lot of weed. I am thinking an ounce a day. Minimum.

2. Fred. He is a flaming homo. Big time flamer. He never tried to get into Daphnie's pants, and he wears an ascot. In every episode, he and Daphnie are one team (they always seem to ditch Velma, or send her off with the stoners). And what does Fred do? Does he sneak off to The Mystery Machine to do the nasty? NO! He actually tries to solve the mystery. Either Daphnie is Fred's sister, or Fred is a homo.

3. Velma. She is lezbo. And a butch lezbo at that. She tries her best to look like a dude, and has some strange need to always solve the mystery. It is like she is trying very hard to show up Fred and the stoners so that everyone knows that Velma wears the pants. I am surprised that she never pimp slapped Fred and drove the van, making Fred sit bitch with Daphnie on her lap.

4. Daphnie. She is just a ditz. Her elevator does not go to the top floor. She is a few fries short of a happy meal. You get the idea. She is the kind of chick you can talk into doing just about anything (which is more proof Fred is a homo, he could probably talk Daphnie into going down then give her the angry dragon as a joke). I also think that Daphnie would be just as likely to hop in the sack with a dude as with another chick.

So there you go. My analysis of Scooby Doo. I hope you like it. With all these deviant lifestyles promoted to kids who watched the original Scooby Doo, it is a wonder that any of us turned out to be normal. With Fred the fag, Velma the butch, Daphnie the dumb bi, and Shaggy and Scooby the stoners - and millions of people my age who used to watch the show daily - it kind of shoots the theory in the ass that cartoons on TV can spread any agenda.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a big fat joint that needs to be lit, and I have to solve the mystery of "where the hell did I leave my bong at".