Lovely Rita, Stormy Whore.

I love living in the troipcs. Really, I do.

Why? Well for one, the heat and humidity is fantastic. Some people (idiots) pay for using a steam room or sauna. I laugh at those people. When I want to go into a steam room all I have to do is walk outside! It is free.

The mold is also a plus. Since the stuff is everywhere, you quickly build up an immunity to the spores. Those who fail to become immune to the mold die. And after they die, guess what happens? Thats right - corpse mold! If you die bald in Floirda, nature gives you post mortum hair. It is usually green, but it is hair. At least you are not buried bald.

But by far the best part is the hurricanes and tropical storms. I am too lazy to post the graphic, but you can the same information that the weather goons on TV get right HERE. According to the National Weather Service, I have a 60% - 90% chance of getting sustained tropical force winds, a 30% - 50% chance of getting 50 knot winds, and a 10% - 20% chance of hurricane force winds. The last time this happened, I lost power for 4 days. But it could have been worse. The people of the Gulf Coast got the real storm.

The funny thing is what the local TV stations are saying. I actually heard one news station (the FOX station - go figure) tell people to "trim their trees now". Trim my trees? You mean the tree that the last hurricane blew over 3 weeks ago? Seriously, I only have one tree now and it has only one lonely branch. Trim my trees? Should I also mow the grass?

The TV is also telling people to get water and gas now. I sent them an email asking them what this "water" and "gas" stuff is. I never heard of it before. Should I also buy light bulbs and rubber bands? I am so confused here.

Good thing I have FOX 7 to tell me. By the way, guess where CNN's own Rick Sanchez came from? Thats right, FOX 7 in Miami. He is a total ass. Of all the asses, none is bigger than the Rickster. The douch bag factor of Miami dropped about 100 points when he left.

But, now that there is a storm or something out there, it is a good bet that The Rickster will be back in town. I will have to put up my douche shutters for his visit.

But no matter what happens - I hope that Rita does not deflect any attention from The Gulf Coast. South Floirda and The Keys will be ok, this will not be more than a category 1 or 2 storm. The people of Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana need the help!

All I need to get ready for Rita is a few coolers full of ice. I need to keep my beer cold this time.