Why I Support Public Flogging.

Today when I stepped off the employee shuttle bus, I found someone's ABC gum. With my shoe.

This happens ALL THE TIME at the airport. And not just at the airport, but a bunch of other places as well.

Today, I did not even have to take more than three steps to find someone else's gum with my shoe. On the third step off the bus I could feel my heel ever so slightly stick to the ground.

"Shit. Some nasty F$#KER spit his or her gum on the floor, and I just stepped in it!". So I had to walk to the terminal building like I have polio, scraping my heel along the sidewalk and pavement in an attempt to get the gum off. Again.

Concourse F is the worst place for gum. Almost every time I walk into Concourse F I step in some gum. And that concourse has a carpet floor! What the crap are people thinking when they decide to just spit their gum on CARPET!?!??! Here are my theories:

1. I am so important, everyone else will think it is a blessing to step in my gum!

2. I am a nasty pig sub-human scumbag with no manners. I think I will spit my gum on the floor.

3. I am in transit. Since I will not be staying in the United States, I might as well just spit my gum on the floor.

4. My gum has lost its flavor, and seeing as how my ass is very large and massive because I live in America and eat nothing but McDonalds I will just spit my gum out here. The garbage can that is only 10 feet away is too far.

I propose PUBLIC FLOGGING for this kind of crap. The rule would be pretty simple - get busted spitting ANYTHING on the ground and a kung-fu master flogs you with a wet bamboo rod.

But Lazy One - would you flog a kid because they spit gum on the floor? No, of course not. That would be barbaric. I would flog their parents. If parents will not teach their kids manners the easy way, then they get flogged. If you do not think you can teach proper manners to your kids, and you do not want to be flogged, DO NOT HAVE KIDS! Ask your veterinarian to "fix" you.

Clearly, basic manners are lost with this society. The only way to bring back manners is with flogging. Once you see someone get flogged because they spit a loogie on the sidewalk, or tossed a cigarette but on the ground - you can bet that YOU will not do those same things. With my flogging initiative enacted, the streets will be clean. There would be no litter. There would be no nasty gum on the hot sidewalk for me to step in. Poopy baby diapers would not just get buried in a shallow grave on the beach for someone else to discover.

And America would have some of the most bad ass Kung-Fu masters on the planet. Kung-Fu team America would win the gold, silver, and bronze at the Olympics. Shaolin Monks from Asia would come HERE to train. With the current lack of manners in America today, the masters would have to soak their bamboo rods often or else they would catch fire.

Is this a bit extreme? Possibly. But America is in a manners crisis! Desperate times call for desperate measures.

By the way, we all remember the American punk who was flogged in Singapore for spray painting someone's fence. And guess what? If you go to Singapore, you DO NOT see graffiti. Nor do you see people flick cigarettes on the ground. You will NEVER find chewing gum on the ground. Why? People have manners and respect for property. And they know if they do not have manners or respect for someone else's property, there is a Kung-Fu master with a bamboo rod waiting for them.