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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My Lazy Voting System

Welcome to election day! I hope that you are going to perform the traditional election day celebration ritual.

NO NO NO! Not that traditional celebration! You know, the one where you sit on the sofa, resting on your fat lazy ass 1 and make up excuses to not vote - then bitch about the results.

I am talking about the OTHER traditional celebration. The one where you get up, put on some clothing, get in the car, start the car, drive to some church or park or school or whatever, and fool with a mysterious electronic and/or mechanical/manual operated machine. Then someone else fools with the same machine, a few goats and chickens are sacrificed, some magical wands and a super magical talisman is waved around, and a winner is selected by the Supreme Court.

We call this process "voting".

And it is VERY important that everyone vote this time around 2 !! So important that I have a system that you can feel free to steal. My patented voting system works in every state. And it is very simple to learn. I call it.....


Here is how it works. When you have your ballot, look for the subscript (D) and vote for that person. If there is no (D) then pick any letter that is NOT (R).

The (R)s have held the government hostage for 6 years now, and what has been done? Nothing that is what. The working people are not better off, no matter WHAT the rich say. The economy is not better, no matter what the stock market says. The only thing the (R)s have done is get the USA stuck in a war for which there is no way out. Some idiot saying "we will win" is NOT a battle plan for victory. Placing the blame on Generals who advised against going in the first place is also not a plan.

My system will place more (D)s in office. This will make Congress a check and balance on the right now unlimited power of the executive branch. The "rubber stamp" congress will end. The executive branch will have to come up with some better material. Some new catch phrases.

And best of all, they will have to explain themselves. No more of this "just vote for what I want" crap.

Once again, not a perfect system - but at this point what choice do we have? Those who think one party rule is great should just move to China. There is only one party there.

1. I do not know that you actually have a fat lazy ass. I was speaking
in the collective here. Your ass is just fine.
2. Unless you are going to vote Republican, in which case stay home.
Voting is stupid.


Blogger dddragon said...

ROFL ... too funny. And I agree with every word.

BTW, my mom (TanLucyPez) was a registrar at one time. You should see the huge Dem. political sign in their yard!

Blogger Ed Abbey said...

"Those who think one party rule is great should just move to China. There is only one party there."

Another classic phrase that I have learned today. I'm going to have to work that into my daily conversations around work!

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Feel free to steal any of my catchy catch phrases. I have more!

Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

I loved this post!

I voted of course. My husband was a poll watcher for the dems today, and I've been making calls to those democrats in our area who haven't voted yet.

As 3D wrote above, you should see the sign in my yard!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, footnotes. I like that.

Good post--and yes, I did that too. I could've voted straight party, but instead, I voted for each Dem, one at a time. It felt very good, and prolonged the precious process. Little pleasures mean a lot.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

The system worked!


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