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Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday Survival Tips

I do not understand the obsession with Black Friday. Sure, there are teaser sale prices on some items.

But that is a SCAM. They will advertise something like a Blue-Ray DVD player for $50. Pretty good deal huh? Well it is. And here is where the SCAM comes in. There are only 15 units in the store for that price. Once they are gone you can still get that Blue-Ray DVD player. For $350.

That or there is a stack of DVD players at Wal-Mart for $20. I mean a massive stack. A whole truckload arrive. And then this happens.

And for what? Some shitty ass CHEAP AS HELL DVD player that will break in a month anyway? And if it does not break - it is going to skip if there is so much as a speck of dust on the disk.

Do yourself a favor. Stay home. Don't bother. Idiots that are already lined up at the stores are going to get the teaser price shit. Trust me - they are out there now. Lined up. In the cold. In the rain. In the freezing rain. They do not care.

Because they are idiots.

And when the door opens, the slower moving idiots will end up as floor mats. For someone else to wipe their feet on.

Mark these words - SOMEONE WILL GET TRAMPLED TO DEATH. Or at least trampled to a coma.

Bones will be broken, old ladies will be thrown the the floor, people will end up in the emergency room, and so on.

Over a $25 DVD player.

Well - I will not be trampled. I have a concealed weapons permit. Trample me and Ill bust a cap in yo ass. Because THAT is the American way! I guess.

But more to the point - I do not plan to be anywhere near a retail outlet today.

I may be dumb, but I am not crazy.

If you do plan to be near a store today, I suggest watching The Road Warrior (Mad Max 2) first. To get you into the proper frame of mind. It is everyone for themselves. If you happen to see an old lady on the floor - trample her ass. Stopping to help is for the weak. Stopping to help means that 300 pound person behind you will NOT stop (once they get moving they can't stop even if they want to). So you end up getting pushed down, where you are then trampled. And nobody is going to help you.

It is not a day for the weak of heart. You have to be ruthless. Keep your eyes on the prize. nothing else matters. Anyone who goes down is finished. You can not help them.

There is too much violence, too much pain. Just walk away.



Anonymous krok10 said...


Lets see one Wal-Mart employee trampled to death and 2-people shot at Toys-R-Us. I guess that's pretty good.

Now you know if that was a solar powered bait bucket you would have popped a cap in those Homies.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I have a little portable DVD player. Because I roll high like that.


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