Monday Part 2

Well.....it is done.

Today I did sign the offer letter. I was issued my ID badge (which I had to promptly turn in because I have not actually started yet). I did not have to get the badge today, but doing so means there is one less thing to do before I can start. Besides, it was not a hassle to get it done today. I had to go to the ID office anyway to turn in the paperwork for the second phase of the background check. Now, when I am called in to start all I have to do is speak to the payroll people to set up my deductions and stuff and pick up the badge. All in the same building.

The physical exam is not for high risk (police or corrections) or safety sensitive (firefighters, lifeguards, and so on). This means it will not be a big deal at all. Here is what I will have to look forward to:

1. Wizz in a cup - at least 60 mL. No problem here. I can give them a pint if need be.
2. Complete documents. This is the government - there is a lot of this to complete.
3. Audio. No problem. I can hear.
4. Vision. Once again, not a problem. I can see. I have new contact lenses.
5. Physical exam. I will have to drop trow and let it all hang out.
6. Pulmonary Function test - if required. I have no idea what this means. I do not think it will be required for me. And of it is, my heart works. It is beating now. I hope anyway.
7. Optional - Rectal/Pelvic exam. I think I will opt out of this one. But then again - free doctor! Maybe I will have the index finger test done just to have it done. On the other hand, fingers really do not belong up there.
8. PPD skin test. I do not have TB so this is no big deal.

The blood test is for high risk / security sensitive positions only. I will be able to go on assuming that by blood chemistry is OK.

Now for the semi-bad news. I have to list all medications and alcohol consumed in the 48 hours before the exam. I am not taking any prescription medication, and I will not take any over the counter stuff either - if my head hurts before the exam I will just deal with it like a tough guy. I am lazy and do not want to remember too much.

But then there is the alcohol. I have beer in the fridge, and some vodka and rum in the freezer. The rum and vodka are leftover from Sanibel. The beer is just here. Some of it is leftover vacation beer and some of it is not. Vacation beer is different from regular beer because it is OK to drink vacation beer in the morning.

Anyway, I did not want a beer before I read the form. But once I read it I thought that I could go for a beer now. I really could. It is hot outside, the beer is cold.

But I will not consume any of the stuff. I do not want to lie on my form, and I do not want to have to list that I had some beer either. So I will go without it. Not really a problem, I just think that it is funny that I was not even thinking about a beer before I found out that I could not have any for the next two days. The human brain is a funny thing. And the truth is that even if the form did not say anything, it is unlikely I would have had a beer. I do not drink very much when I am just hanging out at home. Six packs have been known to last 2 weeks or more in the fridge.

So there it is. I wanted to do the physical tomorrow, but it was not possible. I will just have to wait. I hope to start one week from today. It is possible that I can get the final paperwork with payroll finished on Friday - depending on how fast they process my pee. I would like to take care of business on Friday, because that means I will not have to do it on Monday. I will start one day sooner.