How A Blood Relative Got Kicked Out Of Cuba

People that know me know that I am not Cuban. Not even a little bit. So many people make the error of thinking that nobody in my family was ever kicked out of Cuba. But they are wrong. Members of my family HAVE been kicked out of Cuba, banished to never return again. So here is the story.

It is the waining daysa of the Batista dictatorship. Yes dictatorship. Batista's Cuba was no more democratic than Castro's Cuba. But Batista was on better terms with the US Government because he never met a large wealthy forigen business that he did not like. Same goes for the mob. If you had money, you were his friend. The people on the island were either part of the "in crowd" and had stuff, or they were poor cane cutters with no real way to get out of poverty. This is why Fidel Castro was able to overthrow the system. If everyone really was happy with Batistia, why would they have revolted?

Anyway, it was in the final days of the Batista regime. US citizens could still freely travel to Cuba whenever they wanted. Cuban rum was still legal, as were Cuban cigars. Fidel was in the jungle plotting his revolution. Jet aircraft were still new, and most airlines were still flying props. Hell for that matter, seaplanes were still very common.

My grandmother, one of my aunts, and their husbands / live in boyfriends decided to take a short vacation in Cuba. So they booked some rooms in a swanky upscale beach hotel, and went.

My grandmother had red hair. Which can only mean one thing - her roots are Irish. VERY Irish, for she also had a mean streak that owuld come out when she drank. And being Irish, she drank a LOT.

Anyway, the group of 4 all got piss drunk in this swanky hotel. Now there were also families and stuff in this hotel. And did I mention that this was one of the more upscale hotels? And this is the early 50s, when people acted way less crass than they do now.

Anyway, some how the men got locked out of the hotel room stark raving nude. And drunk. So they started yelling all sorts of obsenities, mostly the F word. Nobody said the F word back then. Needless to say, the other guests were most likely very shocked. I mean, this is a classy hotel! And here are these 2 naked dudes, beating on a hotel door yelling the F word, among other things.

So the police had to come. By the time the police got to the hotel, the women had let the men back in the room. The police told them to not let that happen again, and then left. Back then Americans spending money in Cuba could pretty much get away with anything short of murdering someone important. Murdering a street person was OK.

Now the men are pissed off. And still drunk. So they strip the women of their clothing, and toss them out into the hall. Now there are two drunk nude women outside yelling the F word (and al variations of it like motherFer and F you you Fing Fer, and so on). So the cops have to show up again. But the men did not let the women back in before the police showed up. The hotel management gave the police the keys to the room.

Now the police are pissed. So they round up all the drunk nude people they can find, make them get dressed, and drove them to the airport. From there they were escorted to an aircraft bound for Miami. Their Cuban Visas were removed from their passport books, and they were told to leave and NEVER EVER RETURN.

So there. That is how my grandmother on my dad's side got thrown out of Cuba and told to never return. My mother's side of the family is a little more civilized.