Lewis The Cat

Maybe you have been following the saga of Lewis The Cat. Then again, maybe not. Either way, this post is for you! Do not forget to click the multiple links for extra humor value! Just not the link above. The first link is just to CNN.com, and is pretty boring. My post is funnier.

This is Lewis with his owner, known only as "some lady". The news is all about Lewis, not "some lady". "Some lady" is not even that important.

Lewis seems to like to attack people. It got to the point where the neighbors were afraid to leave their homes, because Lewis could be in the bushes - stalking them. The police even got involved, and charged "some lady" with reckless endangerment. This is one bad kitty. With nasty, big, pointy teeth.

So just how bad was Lewis? Lets find out! Here is a short list of the charges against him.

1. Using long claws and stealth to attack at least a half dozen people. Clearly, Lewis hates the neighbors. They probably disturb his napping when they mow the lawn.

2. Ambushing the Avon Lady. So Lewis is opposed cosmetics animal testing! Is it suddenly a crime to be opposed to animal testing? Lewis is a CAT - it is not like he can make a sign that says "Avon Sucks" or "Avon Kills Bunnies". All he can do as a cat to show how he opposed Avon is attack the Avon Lady! I say that should be covered by the 1st Amendment. Of course I do not know that Avon does test products on animals - they probably do not. But once again Lewis is a cat. He can not use the internet to research this. And it is also possible he just hates solicitors. Every job comes with some hazards. Of all the crimes he is charged with, ambushing the Avon Lady is the funniest by far.

3. Using asymmetrical warfare. He would go up to people, rub on their leg and purr. Like a good kitty. But when you reach down to pet him and say "good kitty" - you get it. Teeth and fangs. A full on attack.

Here is a quote from a neighbor "He attacks from the back. You never see it coming. He has six toes on every foot, which constitutes a very formidable weapon". This is one foul tempered kitty! He does not look that evil in his picture.

Anyway, the judge put Lewis on Prozac. Seriously. But "Some Lady" took poor Lewis off the anti-psycotic drug because it made Lewis too sleepy. So the Judge offered to let "Some Lady" off on her charges and expunge her record if she euthanized Lewis. She refused. I would refuse too. "Save Lewis" sites started to pop up all over the internet. Lewis has his own Wikipedia article.

So the judge did not sentence Lewis to death. His new sentence is house arrest. Lewis is not allowed to leave his house. To quote the judge, "there are no exceptions. None". The judge sounds serious. Some Lady will get her record expunged if she can keep Lewis indoors for two years. The judge said this is not about a cat, but about people having a right to live in safety in their neighborhoods. From a CAT! We are not talking about Osama Freaking Bin Laden here.

Is this a crazy world, or what? I could not make up anything this good if I tried!