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Friday, October 13, 2006

I Knew This Would Happen!!!

I predicted this a few weeks ago. So now I will share it with anyone who reads this dribble.

I was told on September 22 that my job was going to be removed from the budget.

Nobody whom I worked with really wanted this to happen. But it did. I had to keep it a secret from all except three people for a week, but sooner or later I had to let em know what was going on.

Anyhow, the people that did know what was going on (Email is great - using it you can keep vast numbers of people out of the loop) asked me what I was going to do. You know, in light of the whole unemployment thing.

My reply was "I'll probably become a bum".

You know - stay up late, drink more beer, sleep SUPER late, watch a lot of Science Channel, National Geographic Channel, Cartoon Network, and Spike Network, and so on.

So here it is. My last day of work was Sunday, October 1 2006. And here I am, just over ONE WEEK after being removed from the budget....

And I am a total bum. I have reverted to where I was a little over a year ago. I stay up to un-godly hours of the morning. Waking up before 1 PM is simply not going to happen. I have less energy and less motivation to do anything than I used to have when I had a job.

As predicted, I have turned into a total BUM! I am too lazy to apply for unemployment benefits. I think about it - but then I figure "why bother". Why bother to do anything. Really.

So maybe I am depressed. But then again - I do not FEEL depressed! I just feel like.....well....BLAH. Like nothing.

So here it is. 2:45 AM. Right now. I am not really sleepy, I did not wake up till almost 3 PM. And I can sleep to whenever "tomorrow". And by "tomorrow" I mean whenever the hell I decide to wake up. That could be as late as 5 PM. Who knows.

So yea, I am a bum again. I might as well start drinking Mad Dog 20/20.

The sooner I become employed again the better. Nothing good can become of the current situation. I am going to become a bigger and bigger bum till I have to move into the downtown Miami I-95 overpass.

Anyone care to donate a refrigerator box? I might need one.

But I shall not despair! At least not yet.

For I AM the Phoenix. I am the Thunderbird. I am the stuff of Navajo legend. I can be a bum for now - for "now" is not important. Ye all shall see!

By the way, I will be in Orlando the first weekend of November. I am going to the "food and wine" festival at Disney World. I shall be drunk as all hell on Saturday. People with kids will be looking at me and my friend and saying "crap! Look at those two! I wish we could be doing that!" - but they will not be able to. Having kids is a bitch.

If you care to join me, feel free to do so. Just be in Epcot Center on Saturday, November 4 2006. Go to the World Showcase. Look for a drunk dude, walking in a zig-zag pattern with a girl. More than likely that dude is going to be me. Say "YO LAZY!" If the drunk dude stops and looks back with a "what the fuck?!?!" look then it is me. Come join in the fun! There shall be much merry making! And much alcohol consumption. I may very well puke.

It will be legendary! Be there or be SQUARE!!!!!!!!


Blogger thedeviluno said...

Wicked post and hey dont let the world get ya down brotha! The way I see it Jobs dont define who we are; what you do to earn money does not identify you, unless you want it to in which case you might be shallow. Kids only suck if you dont. As a parent its my responsibility to not misbehave and while that may be a drag I provide my child with a valuable role model, because the alternative is a fucked in the head legacy. Long comment im gonna shut up now.

Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

1) Get off your ass and apply for unemployment. You need the money for more beer. WTF are you thinking?

2) I'm retired, so I'm already a bum. It's a good life. Go for it.

3) After you're tired of being a bum, or just too broke to buy beer, whichever comes first, I wish you the best of luck with finding a new job. You're young, and educated, so you'll do fine.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I am thinking "Ill apply for free money tomorrow". Today I am busy. Sleeping and stuff. Important stuff.

I got my last check today. It is for about 3k. Ill use this check to file for benefits :)

Blogger Fuzz said...

That's a bitch. Maybe you can find a job collecting garbage like me. $5.00 a day and all you can eat.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

My unemployment benefits will pay more than that! :)


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