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Sunday, February 25, 2007

Flea Markets and Do Not Fall For It

Saturday was a perfect day for a marine flea market in the upper Florida Keys. So of course I went! I needed some stuff.

Well not really. I only sort of needed more stuff. And even then it is debatable if this is even true.

There was a lot of good stuff there. And some funny stuff too! Check out this photo of an actual sign I saw! Click the photo to see it a little larger.


So do you see it? Notice the sign. Look closely. It says "German made Swiss Army Knife". Is that so? How it is even possible to have a German made Swiss knife? Is that like having a French built American car? Or a Korean made Chinese Finger Trap? Anyhow I thought it was funny. It even claims to be "better than the original".

A German army knife is a REAL knife. The Swiss have been neutral for hundreds of years. And it is a good thing for them! You have all seen their "army" knife. It has a friggin corkscrew? Can you see a knife issued to a United States Marine having a corkscrew? Or folding up for that matter? Seriously, if those little pocket knives really are Swiss Army issue - the nation should remain as neutral as possible.

Not that I do not like Swiss Army Knives! Oh no! They are great. The stainless steel they use is top quality. The blades take an edge and hold it. They are a great all purpose utility knife - but come on now! Army knife? NOT! They do not even lock into place!

Og yea, the sign next to the "German Made Swiss Army Knife" sign says "colostomy scope". Supposedly, you can use it to snake into an engine, or under the floor of a boat or something. But it is NOT a "colostomy" scope. As far as I know, a colostomy is a type of surgery. The device they crap up your ass is called an "endoscope".

So what did I get? Well I got a switchblade! Yes, a stainless steel and aluminum switchblade. Press a button and the blade snaps into place. It only cost $8 so it will probably not last too long. But it is cool and even when the spring things wears out it will still work as a locking straight edge knife. And while it still works, I can open it with one hand quickly. This is sometimes good when fishing. I think these things are legal in Florida - but who knows.

And as further proof that sooner or later I will get a jet ski, I bought a US Coast Guard approved life jacket that will survive a 100 mph impact. Chances are the person wearing the life jacket involved in a 100 mph impact will not survive, but at least their body will float. It will make body recovery easy for the authorities.

Now what to NOT fall for! I looked at that 25 footer on the way home from the Keys. It is a project boat. Not worth the money the guy is asking. It sat in the water for an unknown amount of time. It had new bottom paint. Boats that live on trailers do not need bottom paint. The engines were rough. They had been sitting in water too. The steel plates under the engine mounts were pitted very bad. The sticker on the side of the boat was from 2005 - the thing had not been used since October of 05. I would only buy the boat if he sold it as a hull and trailer only - no engines.

And please - DO NOT FALL FOR THIS ACADEMY AWARD CRAP! Seriously. The best thing that could happen to America is that nobody watches the crap on TV and the network looses a bunch of money airing it. It would be great for the people going to the awards show up at the red carpet - and nobody is there, except maybe for a few homeless people asking for change. Nobody going to the awards is that important anyway. Nobody should give a shit what they are wearing, what shoes they have, or what rented jewelry they have. Really. You have a life of your own right? So live it!

what do you care who or what wins an award? Are you going to make any money off it? Are you going to get an award? Is your life so empty and meaningless that you MUST watch some stupid awards ceremony that you are not important enough to get invited to? So do not watch. Do something else. Watch another channel. Do not feed into the national sickness.

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10 Comments:

Blogger Badoozie said...

and when the straight blade knife thing stops working, you can use it to whack people on the knees

01:09  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Exactly. It is a little small for knee capping, but if I attach it to a string and swing it around a bit to give it some speed it may hurt.

07:43  
Blogger Fuzz said...

A guy at work sold me one of those. It's probably illegal, but lots of fun to play with. It has a cool belt clip and a bunch of screws holding it together. It looks like fun to take apart, but I haven't done that yet.

09:20  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Fuzz - mine is all silver, with USA etched in the blade. There are no other markings.

09:31  
Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

Switchblades are illegal but as long as you don't take it in the bank and start to clean your fingernails I think you'll be good.

Those flea mkt. stores also creep into the malls. They have that sign that says "you bought it, it's yours."

I think I may be getting an award tonight.

14:26  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Actually I did some research. In Florida a switchblade is legal. Jeb said do, right before he sent his minions after my lime tree.

Plus I have a CWP.

14:50  
Blogger Matt said...

Aren't all of our American flags made in China?

I saw a coffee mug that said "Vermont on it." A large sticker announced it was made in China.

I once tried to copyright the phrase "Made in China."

19:38  
Blogger ~QZ~ said...

i'm up in the middle of the night, people seem to like me, and i enjoy a nice pair of slacks. years later, the doctors would tell me i was mentally retarded

06:19  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I am afraid. I am very, very afraid.
I will now go drink my American made Swiss Miss cocoa and curl up in a corner.

02:52  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

QZ - it is retarded for chicks we wear slacks.

CM - Is Swiss Miss coca powder mix made in the USA? That is good - at least ONE thing for sale in American stores is not made in China. Or Switzerland. Or Germany. Or Japan. and so on.

21:08  

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