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Saturday, February 24, 2007

Just In Case You Get Confused

One of my loyal readers MAY become a Corrections Po Po. I hope you enjoy being the man and keeping the rest of us down! Anyway, this post is just so this person does not get confused about what is jail and what is a work environment. Enjoy!

Prison vs Work

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.

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9 Comments:

Blogger Matt said...

Oh yeah, most prisons also give you health care.

09:52  
Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

Matt has a valid point.

Sometimes I think all the blacks sitting in jail are the smart ones.

Doozie in a uniform. That gets me all sweaty.

10:34  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Chicks in a uniform are always hotter than chicks not in a uniform. Unless the chicks not in a uniform are naked and in my room or on my boat.

Matt - most decent jobs come with health care.

17:06  
Blogger Badoozie said...

oh, this is so wonderful, i makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that you thought of me, and honored me with this post. i promise to be a good girl and make you all proud by working hard and not slacking. i also promise to always look my best in uniform if necessary

20:22  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

You have to iron it so that it has military style creases.

It will impress senior officers, epically if they are prior military. Something that simple impresses the crap out of people.

21:51  
Blogger Badoozie said...

so, i need to impress the crap out of people? is that what you're telling me...well, that i can work on. but i'm going to need more than ironing skills. do you think they care about typing?

01:10  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

If you are going to wear a uniform, you should do so with pride. It shows respect for the position. Of course they also care about professional skills - but wearing a corrections uniform is something separate from professional skills.

08:07  
Blogger Cheesemeister said...

You get one break for a meal and you have to pay for it.
This was true even when I worked in a restaurant--and they were always throwing away surplus food at the end of the day. Talk about a rip off!

When I worked for the telecommunications company not only did some people pee on the seat they pissed off the poor, usually very nice, hardworking cleaning woman by treating her like she was less than they were. One woman came out of the stall and didn't flush. When the cleaning lady said "excuse me, you forgot to flush," this twat had the audacity to say "oh, I don't need to do that. It's your job."
And we wonder how slavery could have ever come to be.

02:56  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Fuck that shit! If I were a cleaning person and someone pulled that shit I would get some sort of container, scoop a turd out of a toilet somewhere, and plopped it down on the asshole's desk.

21:10  

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