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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Make With The Comedy

So for many people yesterday was Valentines Day. But for many others, it was something called "Wednesday". Another "Wednesday" happens in 6 more days. And again every 7 days for the remainder of time the Earth has before the sun becomes a Red Giant and the inner planets are vaporized.

Now it is time for some sit down comedy. You know, not exactly good enough to stand up for, but possibly good for a laugh or two. Was I the only one who noticed that Valentines Day was on a Wednesday? And what do we call Wednesday? HUMP DAY! Get it? Valentines Day - Hump Day?? Because on Valentines Day a lot of people.....well you get the idea. I think I got all the mileage I can out of that joke, so it is time to move on.

Tom and Icy mentioned the other day in the comments that Nancy Grace thinks the people she talks about are guilty of something, and it is her job to figure out what. Because judges are dumb. but I know her secret! One of my operatives got a photo of her BEFORE the make-up people could get to her.

Amazing what stage makeup can do huh? She almost looks normal on TV. So now if you see her at the airport you will recognize her - even if she did not "put her face on" that morning. I hear her condition was caused by an episode of "plastic surgery 911" gone bad. It is sad, but it REALLY helps her sniff out edible roots in the woods. That could be a good thing for survival.

And am I also the only one tired of the LAME ASS Valentines cards? None of them say what people are REALLY thinking. But fortunately I found a link on THIS BLOG (from CANADA eh!) to some great cards. Here are just two of them which I consider to be the best. Here is the best card ever.

This is perfect. Everyone knows the best love is pink, salty, and unclean. I never connected it to a honey baked ham till now. This may become a standard card for future use.

But what if your love is into NPR? A lot of people listen to NPR. And if you have ever tuned into a NPR station, you know that is is different. Not at all like AM talk radio (Air America OR Rush stations). Yea there is the boring political talk, but there is also news and comedy and whatever. So there is this card!

The funny thing here is that I would not be all that shocked if I heard those words while listening to NPR. I do not think any NPR listener would.

Of course there is ALWAYS the old standby - "lets lock legs and swap gravy". Quick, to the point, honest, and who knows - it may just work. But probably not. Maybe. Who knows.

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Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Then again there's always the sort that might say, "oh come on, you can go ahead and be mean as hell but just TOUCH ME for the love of God, I mean seriously, I am THAT desperate!"
Thankfully I went to the other extreme where I say "pass the chocolates and the remote, touch me and I'll break your face!"

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Face breaking is rude.

Blogger Matt said...

Back in sixth grade, we were still giving everyone in the class Valentine's.

It was like, "Hey Bill, I'd know you anywhere!"

Or "Dave, Be My Valentine--Love, Matt."


Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Matt - sounds like more of that "tolerance" agenda in public schools to me.

I remember class valentines cards. We just handed them out without really paying much attention to them. It was like this.

A) hand out cards, someone's mother brought in cup cakes, and everyone gets chalky candy hearts

B) Do math.

So guess what?!?! SCREW MATH! Gimme them cup cakes!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

lazy, i think it's about time you posted a picture of yourself so we know who the hell we're talking to. k? make sure you have your uniform on it the picture, hot girls like men in uniforms

Blogger dddragon said...


Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

I just love Honey-baked ham.

Are you really going to show Doozie a picture?

That lady with the pig nose I don't think I'd have sex with her. I don't like her voice.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I need to keep my secret identity a secret just a little while longer. CIA rules and stuff.


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