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Saturday, April 21, 2007

Unless You Are The Late Great Rodney Dangerfield, Old People Should Not Make Jokes

Poor John McCain. He really wants to be the Big Cheese, but it will just never happen for the man. It could have happened, but the drunken frat boy stole his chance. You see, in 2000 the Bush attack machine buried the old man. War experience? We did not need that! So what if you were shot down over Vietnam and spent time as a POW. That shit does not matter anyway. Service to the nation? HA! While you were wasting your time serving the nation for the pittance the military pays, REAL Americans were off cutting deals to make real money. And getting wicked drunk.

Did you not get it old man? You were written off in 2000. You should have learned, but you did not. Like a good loyal suck-up, you thought that your chance would come. Well, sorry to tell you this but it is not.

But McCain may be starting to understand this. I think he is loosing it. What the hell does he think Americans want? Take his latest attempt at a "joke". Talking about that Beach Boys song "Bomb Iran".

Wow. That is funny? Apparently is funny. So damn funny I forgot to laugh! Did he really think that the "joke" would help his campaign? With majority opinion turning against the mess in Iraq, and the vast majority against starting shit with Iran while still stuck in Iraq - who did he think this joke would appeal to? The crazy 10% that watched too many John Wayne movies and think that war is as easy as getting your trusty lever action rifle and single handedly taking on 10,000 Indians?

By the way McCain, the song is not "Bomb Iran", it is "Barbara Ann". It is today's featured Iguana Music.

What happened to you? Do you have a blockage in the artery feeding your brain with blood? At the very least, you should hire better joke writers. I could write better jokes. Of course I would require a joke writing office in Amsterdam, with a satellite office in Antwerp or Brussels. You know, Belgium for the beer and Amsterdam for! Yea thats it. The coffee. And maybe the space cake. I hear that stuff goes well with coffee. I could come up with far better jokes than jokes about bombing another Country.

Like Kim Jong Illin for example. The rapping dictator of North Korea. You know, like in that ancient Run DMC song. Not my best material, but better than the old and stale "Bomb Iran" joke. I remember that joke from the first Gulf War, only it was "bomb Iraq". You remember! Bomb Iraq....kick Hussein's ass....and so on. Recycling jokes over 10 years old? What's next McCain? Maybe you can get a big wooden mallet, call it the "Sledge-O-Matic" and mash up fruits and stuff. That has never been done before.

In other news - I am so fucking tired of hearing about "violence on TV" being a "problem". Get real people! I just finished watching some cartoons from the 1930s, and the whole cartoon revolved around violence. Every episode ends with some guy in a spiffy sailor suit and with forearm tumors, a speech impediment, a squinty eye (can anyone say STROKE) and smoking a pipe beating the shit out of some other guy. Babies are given shotguns to amuse them so they stop crying.

And lets not even talk about the TV westerns from the 50s. Lets recap a typical episode. Some white guy in a white hat shoots a bunch of Indians, and maybe some other white guy wearing a black hat. There is no blood, but a whole lot of rootin tootin gun shootin. That is violent I suppose.

So how exactly is TV more violent today? Just because it is in color and more realistic? The bottom line is the same. Beating up people is fun, the good guy never gets shot, and so on.



Blogger Aunt Jo said...

so you are saying you DON'T like Popeye?? my husband got my daughters hooked on old movies and thought some old cartoons would be fun too. i stood there wondering why i didn't remember them being so violent. then, after watching The Little Rascals from a parent's POV.....well it was a sad day.

love the blog.......

Blogger Victoria said...

Frustratingly, it's always the same arguments (violent video games, etc.) that crop up. But what about gun control?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

people just don't get it. you can't control bad guys from doing bad things with gun control. It frustrates me that this is not understood. bad guys will always be able to get their hands on weapons...period. you can't make that stop.

McCain? I thought he was dead. Well apparently his comedy routine is dead. Da'gum. I will send him some of your jokes

Blogger Diesel said...

Speaking of needing a new joke writer, I'm pretty sure GWB hasn't been a "drunken frat boy" for a few years now. Maybe update your material a bit. It's not like he hasn't done things in the past decade that you could make fun of him for.

Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

I like fighting when there are no rules, like those World's Toughest Man Competitions. I use to go to these before someone said they were a bad idea.

Those Vietnamese soldiers couldn't tell the good guys from the bad guys so a lot of the time you just shot and asked questions later.

I like funny violent TV.

Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

McCain is a very creepy old guy who lost his chance at the title with his idiotic "Bomb Iran" song.

BTW, saw your review at "Review My Blog". Good job! I had to agree with him. ;o)

Blogger ~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Visiting via Critique My Blog...nice blog...I could totally move in here. :)

How could someone mistake the Beach Boys for writing a song about bombing something. Hehe. The only controversial thing those boys every did was let Brian Wilson go off to make a stoner album that didn't even get released until a few years ago.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Aunt Jo - I love the old Popeye cartoons. They were great. The Fleischer Studios Popeye cartoons were the best. But they are a bit on the violent side. This is what makes them so great.

Victoria - the violent games are out because that is what people are buying. Duh! The market will provide for what people demand. That is very basic economics. The violent shows and games are not the problem, but merely a symptom of the problem. To treat the disease you have to see beyond the symptoms. I do think gun laws need to be tightened up a bit, but really the gun violence is just a symptom of the problem too.

Ba Doozie - Gun control is kind of a moot issue. Criminals get guns by stealing them, or buying them illegally. But the illegal guns are just about all legal guns that got stolen. McCain's political career is dead. He just does not know it yet.

Diesel - the drunken frat boy comment is not a joke, it is a fact. Our President acts just like the rich legacy frat boys I knew back in the UF days. They get into the club because daddy was in the club, and daddy got into the club because his daddy was in the club. And they do not really have to "work" for anything. They are never told "no, you can not do this". They are never held accountable to anything. In other words, they never have to rest on their own merits, everything they have goes back to some "legacy" they did not create, or due to the money they were born with. What the hell ever happened to the self made man?

Caiman - funny violent TV. Interesting. Is that like those "most horrific police chase caught on film" TV shows? I like those too.

Saur - McCain lost his chance when the party backed Bush in 2000. Why did they want that guy? At least McCain could speak well. And by "well" I mean in complete sentences. When the Bush attack machine wrote off his service in Vietnam, and likewise wrote off that McCain had to make his own way without the benefit of a very well connected daddy - he should have taken the hint and switched parties. They do not want him. I kind of feel sorry for the man.

Blogger actonbell said...

The story of what John McCain endured in Vietnam, and the fact that he refused to be released before his turn, means that McCain WAS a truly admirable character. I used to really like him. But, as you've pointed out, he's lost it.

Btw, this was another snippet of CNN I saw last week--mostly the VT shooter, then more than a little American Idol, and then John McCain singing his joke. *gasp*

TV violence? I regard it as such a weak topic because it can be controlled with the flick of a remote. I do feel that people should have a way of being forewarned, or informed, of what's on TV, and for the most part, that's happening. Except for the news!

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Actionbell - McCain has lost his public credibility. Which is a shame really, in light of what he did. But now - all gone.

Another causality of the madness of King George. How many people are willing to go down with the ship to save this man?

Blogger Victoria said...

Oh, I don't have a problem with violent video games Lazy. I honestly believe that accusing violent games or violent TV is a cop-out. People just don't want to face the larger problem at hand-- i.e. the fact that someone that disturbed was not helped or accounted for. What kind of society would allow someone to become so isolated?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I happen to like violent video games too. Grand Theft Auto Vice City was fun. It was clearly based on Miami of the 1980s and car jacking people on Ocean Drive is always fun.

but I do not go to the real Ocean Drive and car jack people. Go figure.

Violent TV shows and video games are just easy targets for people to pick out so they do not have to face reality.

Our way of life is to blame. Our wonderful economic values are the root cause of just about everything. From global warming / pollution to violence - economics is to blame.

When money becomes more important than people what do you expect to happen?

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I think that POLITICIANS should not be allowed to make jokes, period.


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