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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Random Crap

That is right folks, time for another random crap post! No telling what I will write about today! Will it be things that piss me off? Maybe. Things that do not piss me off? Possibly. Who knows! Anything goes!

And first up - old farts who should retire and move to St. Petersburg Florida and join a shuffleboard league. I am tired of hearing about Don Imus. I had almost been able to forget he was even still alive and then this shit happens. His radio show is crap - all he does is mumble about shit. He mumbles worse than Larry King. So here I was, able to totally avoid his show in all forms and then comes "the comment". And now he is back in the news. But there is good that came out of this. MSNBC dumped his show. They figured out that putting a talk radio show on the TV makes for terrible TV. Talk radio is for ugly people, this is why most of them are not on the TV. Nobody wants to see them (Stephanie Miller is a rare exception here). Imus had a face made for radio. Not TV. MSNBC should have figured this out long ago.

And now for a game! I call it "Whose Hat Smells Worse". The rues are simple. I list the contestants and you vote for whose hat smells the worst. The winner gets made fun of endlessly here. And your contestants are:

1. Don Imus
2. Garth Brooks
3. Billy Ray Cyrus
4. Donald Trump (his bad muskrat hair counts as a hat)
5. Smellie Dos Caiman, Senor Caiman's large hound dog that never takes a bath.

Next - more messages for idiot drivers in Miami! No matter how much you honk your horn, I will not run a red light just so you can make a right hand turn. You are stuck behind me till the light changes. Deal with it. I will not block the intersection or crosswalk for you. So go on, lay on that horn! The longer you honk the longer it takes me to notice when the light changes back to green. And it is up to me to blow my horn at the car in front of me. It is not your job. Got it? Cause there will be a test later. Fail and you get sent to Greenland to be an ice farmer. When you honk your horn at me because I will not ram the car in front of me off the road I drive even slower, and react slower to green lights.

And while I am on the subject, I do not think it helps to blow your horn at a freight train. I do not think the train dude gives a shit about you. I do not think the train dude can even hear your car horn. If you are in a hurry, may I suggest playing "beat the train" next time? Please do! You might loose the game and die in the collision. This act would raise the collective IQ of Miami by a few tenths of a point, and would be one less car on the road. Trains have a way of sweeping cars off the road so that the accident scene will not block me. So please OH PLEASE play "beat the train but stall out on the tracks and loose". Your death will raise the collective IQ of Miami a few hundredths of a point.

The marine forecast for Saturday is still:
Not bad. But the wind speed forecast did go up 5 knots.

I have to replace one of the two batteries in the boat. I have the battery, I just have not taken out the bad one yet. The batteries are a pain in the ass to get to. But I should probably do this before Saturday. Tomorrow afternoon would be a good time. Or not.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry to hear of the problems with horn honkers, if you need to, you can tell them if they honk at you one more time, they better pray to the god of horn installers that you don't come back there and Jam that horn up their ass. or you could have a bumper sticker made to that effect. or you could just mount some of your weapons on your back bumper and that will solve the problem.

as for the contest, for the smelliest hat, I vote for garth brooks because i'm not aware of you making fun of him, and I think his time is here

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

I say The Donald because he wears dead muskrats on his head.
Even though I'm tired of hearing about him, I'm more tired of seeing Don Imus' ugly face everywhere. I thought he was dead or something. I should be so lucky.

Blogger Ed Abbey said...

I vote for Billy Ray because mullets have to smell as bad as they look.

Blogger actonbell said...

Honking at freight trains--that's really funny.

No Thursday post! It's gonna snow.

Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

I'm half country boy so I did laugh at Imus some times. I never new his hair looked so funny though, I'd never seen him without a hat.

Smellie Dos has the worst smelling fanny burps and breath because she eats her won crap, that's just nasty, but she was a stray.

I'm sensing some road rage coming on , please take a deep breath and I find it helpful to beat off.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Beanie - I had an aftermarket amplifier installed in the truck, and all the factory speakers replaced. I can make all the horn noises go away. Except for the assholes who put train horns in their cars.

Your vote has been counted.

CM - Imus is one ugly bastard. I think he sleeps with curlers in his hair. Your vote was tallied.

Ed - mullet style hair probably smells like mullets in the ocean. After you catch them and let them sit out in the sun for a bit.

Actionbell - people honk at trains. Amazing.

Caiman - the cowboy hat thing is a laugh. Imus would be terrified of a real cow. I have excellent anger management skills and have never shot at anyone while in traffic.


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