This page best viewed with

A Book By CM. Click To Get A Copy

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
Created by OnePlusYou

No Rights Reserved. Take Anything You Want, But If You Steal Any Text Link To Here.

Send Your Hate Mail To


Sloth:Very High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

King Gambrinus - Patron Saint of beer.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

New Phone, Skipper's Nuts, Medical Record Mishaps, And Other Things

It seems that I have figured out how to use the Opera browser in the new phone to view this blog! The secret it to resize the page to 75%. This way it looks right, and I can zoom in on important things. Namely the comments. I know what the posts say because I write them.

Oh yea, and I CAN log on and write new posts! I can also leave comments, and look at other blogs and shit. So now - no matter where I am - I post stuff providing there is a wireless signal. Pretty cool.

I will not get the IPhone. It is cool, but so is what I have now. I may get the Ipod Touch later. Even if my phone is also a MP3 player. And unlike the IPhone, my phone is compatible with stereo bluetooth head phones! The IPhone - NOT. I can also tether my phone to the laptop to use it as a modem. The IPhone? NOT! My phone is on the 3G network - the IPhone uses the older, slower, EDGE network. And so on.

Skipper is still nutless. I do not think he has figured this out yet. He was a bit wobbly when I got him home after the snipping, but he is recovered now. Well almost recovered. He is an ounce or two lighter. But he seems to be acting the same. He still harasses the other cats. But he will not spray anything, and if he gets out he will not go out Tom Catting and get into a fight and get his cat ass kicked.

He is not very big. He would get his ass kicked. Big time. And that would be costly.

The funny part is that the neutering went on Sake's vet record. So now Sake - a girl cat - is neutered. And spayed. She got it both. I wonder if the same thing happens to human medical records? Ill bet it does.

In other news, I got bored and checked for State jobs. I got a wild hair to work for Marine Fisheries - but because I did not flunk out in High School and become a cop there is not a good chance of this happening. I kind of sort of meet the requirements for an investigator, but the "4 year college degree" can be substituted for "work experience".

Now some people here may not be familiar with public sector jobs. So Ill break it down for you. In the PRIVATE sector, when they say "4 year degree required - work experience can count for education" they mean "we really want someone with a degree, but if you have 15 years of experience in the field then we may consider you".

In the PUBLIC sector this means "we would rather hire a goon, who probably flunked High School math".

Now what does this mean? Why do the cops ALWAYS know who has the drugs? BECAUSE THE COPS ALL DID DRUGS! You know the guys who were always hanging out in the locker room, wearing letter jackets, taking as many gym electives as possible, and flunking basic math and language arts? Well guess who became the cops! Ill give you a hint - NOT the top 10% of the class.

But I saw another job posting for the Florida DOT. A toll booth manager.

Now this got me to thinking. How hard is it to manage a toll booth? There is a device that counts cars and calculates tolls - so if an attendant is skimming off the top it will be easy to bust them. And is anyone going to complain about bad service? Maybe - but who gives a shit? I can just tell them "Why don't you just go buy a SUN PASS transponder and use the electronic collection lanes? Now buzz off, I have important things to do. My phone gets the internet you know".

Really - how hard could it be? I could do that! I want to manage the toll booth for Alligator Alley. That would rule. Out there by the edge of the Everglades - with the frogs and alligators and insects that bite. Perfect.

So I filled out a profile thing, and they send me postings I may match for. And guess what one posting sent was? Toll Booth Manager. Could it be fate?

The reality is that there is little chance of getting it. The State posts shit to the public - but the reality is that they will take someone who is a toll collector now and promote them. They do not have to be competent, this is the State of Florida we are talking about! Anyone will do.

I got other irons in other fires anyway. Sooner or later something will stick to the wall. In theory.

Labels: ,


Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

I'm lucky if I can retrieve mail on my phone and play a rousing game of "The Devils Game" aka Bejeweled.

Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

PS. As long as you don't walk around with that retarded thing in your ear, it's all good.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Emma - Phone games are important. I love my bluetooth headset. You would too if you use one. You do not have to touch the phone to answer it. They are the best for driving. I usually leave the headset in the car.

Blogger Avery Gray said...

You know what sticks to the wall? Cooked spaghetti. Try it.

I'm seriously envious of your cool new phone. Mine doesn't even have games. I have to bring my iPod along for that.

Anonymous krok45 said...


That phone is cool.

I don't want the police to beat me up, but they are a dumb bunch. Slightly smarter than the Dudes in the military.

When you're operating the toll booth and someone asks you for directions and you start giving them directions and I'm behind them I will pop a cap in your booty.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Avery - speaking of food fights, I remember primary school well. The school "mashed potatoes" were perfect for throwing. You could pick up the entire scoop and fling it across the cafeteria. It would retain its shape till it hit something, at which time it would splatter and make a mess. No evidence would stick to your hand.

Krok - don't worry. For fun I always give lost people to "The Triangle" area of Opa-Locka.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

skipper is still "nutless"? Do those things tend to grow back?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Doozie - one never knows.

Blogger Emma Sometimes said...

I've used those bluetooth headseats and I didn't like it. I really didn't like it when they came out when I worked at "Forders" Bookstore (name changed to protect the minimum wage employer nazi's) and people would come up to me and start talking. I'd look at them and start to say something and they would hold up a finger. I'd wanna hold up a finger too, but not the same one.

Those phones are very cool though...a little green here with my Tmobile service.

So, skipper has his claws but half a male now. AND he's got fingernails. Is that animal cruelty? Do animals get gender confused?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Emma - I used to make fun at people with Bluetooth headsets. I still do. But if you are driving you really need one. Hands free is the way to go here. Trust me. I can answer the phone, hang up, talk, adjust the volume, and everything without touching the phone. With voice dial I can even place a call without touching the phone! Awesome.

I try not to walk around in public with the thing, unless I get somewhere and I am still on the phone. When I get somewhere, I turn off the headset and leave it in the truck.

I remember the days when if you saw someone walking down the street talking to them self you thought "crazy homeless guy - do not make eye contact". Now you think "asshole on the phone - do not make eye contact".

Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

Fancy phone there. Soon the Lazy Ig will be too good to hang with the likes of us....

Blogger Fuzz said...

I still wonder who is blowing at me when someone locks their car at Wally World, now I wonder why these strangers are talking at me. But then I am one of those people who does talk to himself without the phone thing.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

My little cat Isis actually holds her own in a fight against much bigger cats. Not that I encourage it or anything because she did end up with an abcess that cost me over $300 to get removed one time, so I can't have her going around thinking she is the greatest. When I hear her start fighting I go out and break it up. No more $300 abcesses!


Post a Comment

<< Home