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Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Late Back To School Advice

I got so sidetracked with storms and shit that I forgot something! Something important. A public service announcement if you will.

A Lazy Iguana "back to school" tip. So if you have a child going back to school, have them watch this inspirational video from Foamy The Squirrel.

Usually I dole out my own advice for back to school day. My advice is usually pretty good. But that Foamy has a way with words that frankly is too good to not use whenever possible.

So there you go. If you (or your kid) has a fat ass gym teacher, take Foamy's advice. I highly recommend it.

It will continue to be funny for YEARS. The punishment will only last a few hours. If you ask me the trade off will be worth it. You will obtain legendary status among fellow students. That alone is worth whatever detention or some bullshit that will arise from speaking the words.

Speaking of back to school, remember junior high? Now imagine how junior high would have been for you if your own government declared you "ugly". Like the girl to the left. The government of China declared her too ugly to be on TV, so they had her sing the national anthem then found a prettier girl to fake sing it during the Olympics opening ceremony.

They even made a song about it. Really. They did. And my vast spy network uncovered it. So HERE IT IS.

Yea, junior high is really going to suck for her.

Of course China does not have a free press. Chances are that the people have no idea about this. Which is good for the girl. Nobody will ever know her government declared her to be butt ugly.

Who said that a free press is a great thing? I would say that a free press is usually a good idea, but there are times when you might wish that the press was not so free.

Like when the government declares you ugly. You would want the press to keep that on the down low.

So there you go. My back to school advice.

And remember - if you think your day is going bad and could not possibly get any worse - at least you were not declared ugly by the government.


Blogger Fuzz said...

Shoot, she looks better than a lot of people I know.

Blogger M@ said...

That's awful when your authoritarian government, which executes retards and sends elderly women to re-education camps, does something far more innocuous: calls you unattractive.

Evil minus 1.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Fuzz - I think the girl may have a bright future in radio. You need a good voice, but your face is not an issue.

m@ - I thought it was terrible too. The Chinese government is really evil. But the citizens make good shoes.

Blogger Lily Strange said...

I thought that the ugly people were the ones making this assessment. For one thing, who cares if she actually is ugly (which I don't think she is--she's just a person.) She wasn't supposed to be a beauty contest winner, she was supposed to sing a song! So what counts is her voice being pretty, not her face.
Many adolescents go through an "awkward" stage anyway. It would have helped this kid feel positive to hear people saying what a beautiful voice she had. There might have been some comments about her needing braces but nothing worse than that. So, someday she gets braces or not.
There was another country once that made judgments about people's worth. They wore swastikas and put people they deemed unworthy in gas chambers. The Chinese government is scary.


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