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Monday, December 29, 2008

Why I Hate Sports More Today Than I Did Last Week.

And last week I hated sports too. Just so you know.

Anyhow it all started out as a moving mission. Someone I know is moving, and so I was recruited to actually move just about everything. You see - I have the truck and the trailer. A truck and a flatbed trailer are very useful for moving missions.

But two days before that I got some bad beer. And I ate some gas station "hot" food that was really just barely above body temperature. PERFECT for harboring various bacteria species unknown to science. Anyhow the end result was for some reason I was not feeling all that great the next day. All I had to eat yesterday was a small bowl of soup and two mini burgers.

By the way, my friend who is moving was there for the bad beer. So today - even two days later - nobody was really feeling too great.

In fact I think I broke the toilet. Something so horrible came out of my ass that I was embarrassed to have created the smell. Now I am not going to lie and say my shit smells like a lovely bouquet of flowers. It does not. It smells like what it is - shit. But this shit I just took was super mega foul. A once every 100 years shit. The kind of shit that can peel paint off the walls, and make people think Satan has possessed your colon.

But I am getting off topic. Sort of. It is important to know that everyone in the story so far is running on day 2 of reduced calorie intake. Nobody feels too great. Nobody really wants to continue with the mission. But the stuff MUST be gone by the 31st. So putting it off was not an option.

Of course said friend just had to move into a second floor apartment. And the building had no elevator. So that meant lugging a bunch of crap - some of it heavy crap - down stairs.

But that is not all. You see, the trailer is used constantly. As a place to store more crap in. The trailer is in the care of my dad - who has seen fit to pack it FULL of junk. If it were up to me, I would take it all to the dump. But according to dad some of the junk is "good". So in the morning the trailer had to be unloaded before it could even be moved.

Then it was off to the apartment to fill the trailer up with more crap. And the bed of the truck. And the cab of the truck. And another car of a helper. And then everything had to be hauled to the new location. Then the trailer, truck, and car had to be unloaded and all the stuff moved in.

And then back to the apartment for the rest of the stuff - including one item that was bulky and sort of heavy - had to be loaded in. Actually it was not much. The heavy thing, a mattress, and a futon frame.

And then back to the new place to unload all that stuff and move it in.

Now at this point I am tired. I had been up since whenever. And I was running on low food reserves. My colon was possessed by the devil. Beer was not agreeing with the stomach. The helpers left after the first load - which was OK because the first load really was the vast majority of everything.

Then after that I had to take the trailer back to its home. And load all the "good" junk back on the trailer.

So now my friend and I are quite hungry. Sort of. I knew I needed food, but really did not feel hungry. But I had a hankering for chicken wings.

Now this is where the anti sports content comes in. There was some fucking WORTHLESS football games going on. Now since I am not a fag who likes to watch men wearing spandex fondle balls I could give a shit less about football. But the place with the good wings close to here is a sports bar.

Of course the place is packed. They do not know how long it will take to get a table. The place is full of assholes and douche bags. All screaming like maniacs. Because some ogre was able to catch a fucking ball.

Oh yea - some assholes also brought horses. HORSES!! This is a fucking city and you are NOT AMISH! What the fuck is the matter with you? Taking horses to a place where people want to get food. Yea - the smell of that horse shit is just what I wanted to be exposed to. And when the horses did shit - and oh yes they did shit, all of them, at least once each - what did you do? Not a fucking thing. Did you have a shovel and a garbage bag? Nope.

I wish I had some firecrackers so I could have thrown the firecrackers behind the horses so maybe you people could have been thrown into the road where you could then be run over by a bus.

These are sports fans huh? Inconsiderate assholes. Watching men in tights play with balls.

So we leave the horse shit smelling full of assholes sports bar.

Or at least I tried to. Since the place was packed and apparently everyone drove there alone - there was no place to park. So I was in the overflow parking behind the place. As I am pulling out I see a big ass white Chevy Silverado pulling in. The alley is only big enough for vehicle traffic in one direction, so I pull off to the side so the Silverado can pass.

But does the asshole pass? Oh hell no. The shit head pulls right up to this area with "NO PARKING" signs all over the place and PARKS! HE FUCKING PARKS!! There is another truck trying to pull in behind him. And when I look in the rear view someone else is behind me.

So now EVERYONE is stuck because of the asshole in the white truck. So what does the asshole do? Nothing. He gets out of his truck, gets his shit head kids (the kids are loaded with asshole shit head DNA - so there is the next generation in that long line right there), and then walk away.

Well after walking away - no doubt to watch the fucking WORTHLESS FOOTBALL GAME - he is told by a few people to move his truck. He seems upset.

Keep in mind had the fucking asshole just gone another 10 feet he would have seen the spot I just pulled out of.

But now he is stuck, because now there are three cars backed up behind me. He can not move forward because of that and he can not move in reverse because of the truck behind him. Meanwhile I am really stuck.

So he just sits there with his reverse lights on.

Eventually the last truck in backs up. This leaves me enough room to move. So I start to. And ASSHOLE tries to back up.

Well fuck that. I want out so I can go somewhere else with fewer assholes and NO HORSE SHIT for some food. I am cranky. So my friend jumps out of the passenger side He stands behind and to the drivers side of asshole and says "Don't try to move now - after the mess you caused by being stupid. Can you read? NO PARKING means NO PARKING. And I maneuvered to get the hell out of there.

All this madness. All this horse shit. The fucking asshole "I am more important than the world so I can just do as I please" shit face. And for what???

A stupid game involving men playing with balls.

Once out of that crazy place I go somewhere else.

"We do not know how long the wait is, because there is a game on".

GREAT! So you have a place full of assholes who are going to clog up tables for who knows how long because of football? Do these people have this thing called "television" at home? You can drink beer at home too you know. Some people are actually trying to eat here.

Now what struck me at this point was how fucked up America is. And you know why? Because more people care about a stupid game they are not getting paid to play than they do about America being fucked up.

Imagine if as many people who go bonkers for sports cared about children with no access to health care. You think something would be done about it?

What if all the assholes who paint their fucking stupid ass faces with "their team" colors paid attention to something more important? You think so many law makers would be passing bullshit then?

But no. Nobody cares about important stuff - but when there is a fucking faggy football game going on EVERY ASSHOLE just has to watch it. The super bowl audience is easily way over the most massive voter turnouts on record.

So why are things so fucked up? Well what do you expect will happen when more people think a football game is more important than anything else?

And what happens when teams cry to local governments for public money to build a stadium - so that the players can keep getting wildly inflated salaries? What does the retarded sports watching public say?

OK! Sounds like a good deal to me!

And what if the same amount is requested by a school system? NO WAY! HELL NO!! Let the public schools fail! It is a waste of money! And so on.

So yea - right now I really hate sports. And if you were the jackass in that Chevy Silverado at the Sports Tavern on Sunset Drive - you are so a major douche. And do not use your kids as an excuse. They have nothing to do with you.

I ended up going to the supermarket for a sub sandwich. Which was fine. There were no shit heads there.


Blogger Fuzz said...

Well....At least you got the satisfaction of writing about it.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Yup. I hope the idiot in the white truck gets terrible hemorrhoids that cause great pain and discomfort.


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