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Saturday, August 22, 2009

To The Asshole On SR 836....You Know Who You Are

You are the pecker wood that almost hit me. I can understand you might not be able to see a BIG FUCKING RED TRUCK. Maybe I should be in a Cooper Mini - you might notice that better.

I was in the far left lane. Hanging out. Minding my own business. I was not zipping from one lane to the next, I do not roll that way. If I can move I do - if traffic is too heavy I just pick a lane and STAY THERE unless I have a darn good reason to get out of it. Such as my exit is approaching, or the lane is blocked off for construction or something.

And when I do change lanes - I use these things called "mirrors" to make sure nothing is around me. Hell I might even glance over my shoulder to check a blind spot.

But no. Not you. You just decide - AFTER PASSING ME SO I KNOW YOUR DUMB ASS SAW THE TRUCK - that you can just jump over into my lane.

But I know you heard the screech of all four of my tires skidding at 65 mph. Hell I might have even been going 70. Yea, above the 55 mph posted limit but this is Miami, so the speed limits are merely suggestions unless there is a cop around. What I was NOT doing was lane hopping. I had been in that lane for some some time cruising around.

And what did you do? Nothing. You kept moving over. You would have hit the passenger front quarter panel with your bumper - effectively doing the police PIT maneuver to yourself. You would have also spun my truck out of control and right into the bus load of nuns you were trying to pass. Nuns would have been running around on the highway, on fire, screaming, with blood gushing from their ears.

Jesus would have been pissed off about that.

Holy crap dude - either learn to drive or stay the hell off the highway. Better yet, stay off the highway. Or drive your car off a boat ramp into Biscayne Bay.

Really - keep moving over? What the hell? You are lucky my truck is smarter than you and decided to drift to the left on its own once I was skidding. Otherwise you would have hit me.

I let off the brake to prevent the truck from skidding into the guard rail.

By the way, I wanted to go south on the 826 - but I saw you were getting off there so I kept going east. I got off on SW 72 AVE and took the longer way home, just to avoid you. As horrible as 72 ave is (not to mention the hell known as Flagler Drive), Ill take my chances there over with you on the same expressway.

PS - just to give you an idea of how normally laid back and chill I am, when I passed you at the interchange of SR 836 and SW 826 I used my horn for the FIRST time this month and maybe the second or third time this year. I know everyone else in Miami is horn happy but not me.

I hope you are the next person in town to encounter the Green Mamba that is apparently on the loose biting people.

Say hello to my little friend.

Cross posted to Craigslist Miami.


Blogger Lily Strange said...

I agree--stay the fuck off the highway. Glad you're okay but I imagine that incident shaved about 5 years of your life. Sometimes you have to wonder, where's a cop when you want one? Like to bust that asshole. Sheesh!


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