Nautical Adventure

What a day Saturday was!

First, I get up later than planned. As usual. I do not know why I even bother to set an alarm. I know I am not getting up. I know this when I set the alarm. But I set the alarm anyway.

Then after hitting the "shut the hell up" button on the phone (my cell phone serves as the alarm clock) about a dozen times, the phone rings. A friend of mine can not make the boat mission that was planned for the day. Oh well. Now there is really no need to get up.

But the I think why not go out anyway. Screw it. I wanted to run some gas out of the starboard tank anyway, so I could replace it with fresh fuel and stabilizer.

See the boat has two tanks of equal size. The port and starboard tanks. Each tank has a shut off valve. If both valves are open, then the engine can draw from both tanks. But one fuel line is shorter than the other, so the engine feeds off the port tank first. So what I did was turned the port tank off, forcing the engine to draw from the starboard side.

Speaking of valves - am I the only one that wants to reach into the TV and strangle idiots on Wheel Of Fortune who say "I would like to buy a valve"?

NO YOU ASSHOLE! You can not buy a valve! This is not the fucking Home Depot you ass munch! You instantly lose, get your ass off the set NOW! You should have paid more attention in the first grade when the teacher told you about VOWELS! VOWEL! Not valve! You are sofa king we todd ed.

That is what I would say if I were the host. This is probably why they will never let me be the host. It drives me crazy. VOWEL! It is not a hard word to say.

I suppose I could always say "yea, you can buy this valve right here for $50 CA$H out of your pocket" and then hold up some cheap ass plumbing valve fitting.

Anyway, what the hell was I talking about? Oh yea, the fuel system on the boat. Two tanks, one engine. Two shut off valves.

So I managed to burn off about 14.5 gallons. The tank holds 27.5 gallons, for a total capacity of 55 gallons. I do not do a whole lot of running, so the last few trips out only used a little gas. Like 4 - 7 gallons. Running at the best speed for fuel economy I can get at good 4 nautical miles out of a gallon. The only thing that beats that is a sailboat.

But today I found myself running a little faster. See by the time I got up, decided to go out, loaded up the gear I planned to use, got more frozen shrimp in case I wanted to fish, and arrived at the ramp it was close to 3 PM.

And of course, the dark storm clouds were visible. Everyone else who was smart was heading in and leaving when I arrived at the ramp. I was the only idiot putting in. I get the boat in the water, park the truck and trailer, prepare the boat to leave, and then the cold wind blows. So I think to myself, "if I am going to be dumb I have to be tough" - then head off.

The cold wind ALWAYS means rain. It feels good on a hot summer day, but this was not a hot summer day. It was a mild winter day. Not hot, not cold.

Now I know what must be done. The clouds were to the north and west of my position, moving towards me. So clearly, I had to make way to the SOUTH. Where the clear sky was.

But the ramp area is all some sort of slow speed no wake zone. And then there is the manatee zones. Really - if manatees are so darn endangered, then they need to be in ZOOS! As opposed to Biscayne Bay where they get in the way of boats and get run over, damaging valuable boat engines and propellers and stuff. I have never hit one, but I have seen a few that I avoided.

So anyway, I head south. And I start to get rained on. So I take the Bimini top out of the boot and quickly open it, thinking the light sprinkle is about to get worse.

But as it worked out, it was all OK. I cleared the slow zone in time to pick up speed and avoid the worst of the rain. It was cool really. I clear the Key Biscayne bridge, and South Biscayne Bay is open to me. The rain is behind me, creeping south at a good clip. I watch the high rise buildings of Downtown Miami vanish. Then I watch the Key Biscayne causeway vanish. Then I watch Coconut Grove vanish.

But I never got wet. I was running parallel to the rain. The rain pretty much stayed over land, and only the very outer fringe got to me.

The whole point in going out was to watch another boat with people I knew on board conduct some sort of training operation with a US Coast Guard "Dolphin" helicopter. That was pretty neat. The chopper hovers really low over the boat, drops a trail line, and attached to that trail line is whatever they want to attach. Could be a rescue basket, could be a hoist strap, or whatever. In this case it was not anything, as it was just training for the air crew and the boat crew.

I got to sit in my boat and watch. Close enough that I could feel the wind from the chopper blade downdraft, but not close enough that I was getting drenched by the mist kicked up from the downdraft. Also far enough away that everyone had plenty of space in which to do their thing.

Rule 1 - never get too close to anyone or anything when in the water. It is a big ocean, no need to get too close.

Still it was cool to watch. I was not the only one. Other boats that just happened to be in the area also hung out to watch the action. Why not. They may not have known what was going on, but they were following my rule 1 and 2. Do not get too close to anyone or anything.

Rule 2 is - AVOID drawing the attention of law enforcement while out on the water. Chances are you have beer on board. And chances are you may have been consuming said beer.

But of course, I forget the camera. Crap! Left it in the truck. So no photos. I am an idiot.

Grade 8 Hardware

Well I got my Grade 8 bolt. I went to this welding shop that sells quality hardware. This bolt can withstand some serious sheer forces. It will break before it bends. I put it in the boat winch and put it under load......and nothing. No bending at all. Not even a little. Sweet.

BUT....the new winch strap I had bought is damaged. So that needs to be replaced. The thing is only a week old and it already needs to be replaced.

Home Depot - you suck so much that I can not even begin to get into it. The suckness factor of Home Depot is like the gravity of all the black holes in the universe combined - infinite.

Anyhow - that is all over with. Now I know better. Next time I go back to that place it will be to release a swarm of killer bees.

I think microwave popcorn is the greatest invention of the 20th century. Yes some may say that the jet engine is the greatest invention, but I say microwave popcorn.

Speaking of popcorn, you can get FREE POPCORN BY CLICKING HERE! Just pay a small shipping charge. The TV commercial I am watching right now says this is some good popcorn. So click the link and get some. Get it now before someone uses that corn to make ethanol. I ordered mine. Or at least I am going to order mine.

Sunday there is a plan to go out in the boat. This should be fun. I have little idea what is going on. No point in thinking about it too much. Just go with the flow.

I promise that I will not have another post that mentions math for a long time. I apologize for the math from yesterday. I try to not do that.

To make up for the math, here is a photo of what I would look like if I were a pirate. If you have an I-Phone you can download an application for it called "pirate". Now any photo you take with the phone can be instantly turned into a pirate photo. And they say the I-Phone is just another phone!
The parrot's name is "scurvy". Can you tell I was drinking beer when the photo was taken? Well I was. I was also giving "the shocker" hand signal, but that did not make it in the photo.


By the way - one more thing. I have the ultimate answer to the age old question "which came first, the chicken or the egg".

Boat Intensive Weekend

I am kind of surprised that I only got one comment about my movie review. The Seventh Seal is supposedly one of the best films ever made. Also on that list is Citizen Cane and some others. It seems most of them are black and white.

But whatever. The next movie I think I will get is one of the WORST films ever made. Want to know what that might be? Google "Ed Wood" or "Edward Wood Jr". The guy is a legend because of "how bad" his movies were.

This weekend is shaping up to be fairly nutty. Saturday I may be out in the boat. The "friends" who crapped out last weekend may be available for a mission this week. Go figure. And I may be able to scare up someone who was going to go out last weekend, but was not feeling well. So that will be 4 people out.

And I figured out the secret to the boat mission. Here is how it works. NEVER tell anyone what ramp you are using. Tell them "just meet me at my house at 8 AM" or whatever. So they show up at your house. Then you say "hey just ride in the truck because then you do not have to pay the parking". Now the people are in your vehicle and you have them hostage!

Then after that, you tow the boat to the ramp and get it in the water. Then after the day is over everyone loads back up in the truck.

Now this is where the plan comes together. You stop at the gas station to fill the tanks back up. See, I keep the fuel tanks full all the time. Right now the boat is on the trailer, with tanks full of stabilized gas. So whatever I use to fill up at the end of the day is the amount of fuel used that day.

Now you got em! Gas, grass, or ass - NOBODY rides free. Except due to the whole "having to pee in a cup" thing the grass is out. Well due to the pee in a cup thing and it is illegal. So gas or ass - nobody rides free. And the ass option is only available if you happen to be a chick that I deem to be of acceptable quality.

If you tell people "meet me at boat ramp X" then this is what they do. And at the end of the day you leave in one vehicle with the boat, and everyone else leaves in their vehicle. Leaving you the only person at the evil gas station.

Then when you get home, you have slaves to help clean the boat. But I really do not need anyone to help clean the boat. I can do this myself. I kind of like doing this myself really.

And Sunday I am going out on another boat that is not mine. A 32 footer with twin engines. I will learn the proper way to tow another boat. From a long tow, to a short tow, and then to a side tow. The government pays the fuel bill. I may also have to do other drills like "recover the man overboard" and "drop the anchor" and "stand as a lookout" and stuff.

Crazy Ass Weekend

Wow what a day. I was up fairly late Friday night. And then Saturday I had to go to some really cool pollution investigation training at the sea port. Of course this had to start early in the morning. Then I get home and a few hours later I had to go to the party thing. And then I started to watch The Black Hole.

Today at 0830 I plan to launch the Seagull to head off to North Key Largo for some snorkeling. It is really a spy mission to the reef. I ran into someone who just got certified for scuba diving. This is handy because I happen to be certified too. But up till now, nobody I knew was certified or interested in getting certified. Diving alone is a really super extra horrible idea. Too many things can go wrong. So now I may have a dive buddy. Pretty slick. In fact I may have found a group of three people that are new divers. So with me making 4, that is two buddy teams. One team can remain on the Seagull while the other team dives. It is a good idea to keep someone on board to monitor the boat and make sure it does not break its mooring or sink or whatever. Anyhow that would work out great.

But today is just a spy mission to show one person just how great the reef I selected is. It is a safe place for a new diver, and one who has not dove for many years, to gain some skills. It is not very deep, the water is clear, there is a ton of stuff to see, and if there is any current is it weak.

Holy crap I am going to be beat tomorrow afternoon. But it is OK. Boat missions are always worth it. I can always sleep later. Sleep is over rated anyway.