People

People are insane.

I went to this thing Thursday night. It was a training class. Anyhow the class is given so many times a year. Usually it is given at location A. Lets just call it location A because most people reading this do not live in Miami and so there is little point in giving exact locations anyway.

Location A is not too far away. And it is in the opposite direction afternoon traffic flows. I like location A.

But there are whiny-pusses who cried that they live up north and location A was too far and too much of a pain in the ass to get to. WAAAAA WAAAAA WAAAAAA.

So this time, the class was scheduled to be held at location B, closer to the County Line. In Opa-Locka. A lovely part of Miami-Dade County.

And you know who shows up? How many whiny-pusses who cried about location A were there?

ZERO. Not one. Everyone there was like "why is this not at location A"?

So what did we learn today? Trying to accommodate whiny-pusses is just not worth it. Do what you want, and if cry babies can not handle t TOO BAD FOR THEM! It is not your problem is it? Nope! Not at all!

Anyway that is what I learned. And when I take over and have to conduct the classes myself, will I care if someone does not want to go to location A? Nope. Don't go. See if I give a crap! No sweat off my ass. I am not the one who needs the class. I am just there conducting it. And if nobody shows up? I get to leave early! Hell on the way home Ill stop off somewhere for a beer.

In other news, there is a three day weekend on the way. It is apparently up to me to plan something for a group of friends. So I am thinking I should start planning a boat mission. I need to find out who is interested in a party on an island in the bay accessible only by boat, and who else can bring their boat so as to get the largest group possible out there. Otherwise with only one boat it will not work out so well. There are the people to transport, and then the food and beer and whatever else.

Ill start planning tomorrow. Or the next day.

My Twisted Idea Of Funny. Oh Yea And Privacy Invasions.

I thought I would alert you to this massive invasion of privacy. In yet another largely unpublished and not talked about "homeland security" measure it seems that all drivers licenses have been digitized and placed in a national database. Awesome huh? Do you feel safer already just knowing about it?

I do.

Anyway, some no good "civil liberties" champion did a request for public records thing and so the database is now online. I can only guess this was done so we the people notice it and get all pissed off and stuff. Hey just in time for election season 2008!!

So, feel even safer than you did before? Well I do! I feel so safe I think I will start leaving my truck running in parking lots with the doors open.

Anyway, I know you want to see this database. So here it is.

http://www.license.shorturl.com/

Expect to hear about this one on the news. I can not imagine it will stay buried.

And in other news, ever wonder what it must be like to be a triage nurse in the emergency room? The triage nurse is like the maitre d' at some hoity toity way too fancy for the lights of me eating establishments. You know, the asshole who was appointed to me master of who eats when because some other asshole died. Regular people have to wait and HOPE that some "important" person does not come in and steal the table.

Well the triage nurse is kind of like that. They decide just how fucked up you are, and allocate emergency room resources accordingly. So if they decide you are only mildly fucked up, you may wait for days. Or at least several hours. Meanwhile as you are sitting there in pain you can watch the parade of the less fortunate parade past you into the room where they give you drugs to make the pain less painful.

Until you start to puke. Unless you start to puke, bleed, defecate in the triage station, or otherwise make some sort of horrible very unpleasant mess you get NOTHING.

This kind of happened to me once. I burned my hand. As I recall, most if not all the skin was not there anymore. It was a really good 2nd degree scorch - the most painful kind. So I go to the ER and they take away the large cup of ice water that was keeping the pain away. But they took it away, because it was "unsanitary". Well shit. Excuse me for not giving a rats ass about sanitary. I thought this was the USA! Just give me some sort of antibiotic and let me keep the water.

In exchange, they gave me one chemical ice pack. Thats it. One pack. So I activate it and the chemical reaction gets it cold. But the cold was short lived, and in no more than 30 minutes it was not cold anymore.

The barbarians would not give me another one. Or ice. Or anything. I was told to "just sit there and we will get to you as soon as possible".

A couple of hours later and I could not take it anymore. So I puked in the plants.

THEN I got help. As soon as I was not just sitting there quietly waiting my turn like a civilized person, but instead was making a horrible disgusting mess that someone had to clean up - I get help.

And what do they give me? A pan full of ice water. BASTARDS! That is all I wanted in the first place!

They also gave me a pill. They gave another pill to my mom who insisted that she drive me to the blood letters. They told her not to give me the pill but I got it anyway. Then I got the bucket of ice water, and then finally a shot of some sort of liquid pain medication. That was pretty much the end of the pain caused by the burn.

Why I had to wait hours for it is still a mystery to me.

Anyway, I got massively sidetracked here. I wanted to say that it would be amusing to hear the stories told to the triage nurse. They ALWAYS ask "how did this happen". Well what do you say? You come into the ER with something stuck up your ass - and they ask "how did this happen". Well you can't just say "I don't know" because of course you know.

So, with this in mind - wonder what story this dumb ass came up with to explain the third degree burns on his bare ass.

http://hidebehind.com/153F8E

Whatever the story was, I would not believe it. Unless of course the story was the truth. "Funny story! You see I thought I would stick a bottle rocket in my ass, and then have a friend light it! Man it was going to be funny - till it all went horribly wrong".

Well good news retard in the clip! It WAS Funny! I laughed.

Nautical Adventure

What a day Saturday was!

First, I get up later than planned. As usual. I do not know why I even bother to set an alarm. I know I am not getting up. I know this when I set the alarm. But I set the alarm anyway.

Then after hitting the "shut the hell up" button on the phone (my cell phone serves as the alarm clock) about a dozen times, the phone rings. A friend of mine can not make the boat mission that was planned for the day. Oh well. Now there is really no need to get up.

But the I think why not go out anyway. Screw it. I wanted to run some gas out of the starboard tank anyway, so I could replace it with fresh fuel and stabilizer.

See the boat has two tanks of equal size. The port and starboard tanks. Each tank has a shut off valve. If both valves are open, then the engine can draw from both tanks. But one fuel line is shorter than the other, so the engine feeds off the port tank first. So what I did was turned the port tank off, forcing the engine to draw from the starboard side.

Speaking of valves - am I the only one that wants to reach into the TV and strangle idiots on Wheel Of Fortune who say "I would like to buy a valve"?

NO YOU ASSHOLE! You can not buy a valve! This is not the fucking Home Depot you ass munch! You instantly lose, get your ass off the set NOW! You should have paid more attention in the first grade when the teacher told you about VOWELS! VOWEL! Not valve! You are sofa king we todd ed.

That is what I would say if I were the host. This is probably why they will never let me be the host. It drives me crazy. VOWEL! It is not a hard word to say.

I suppose I could always say "yea, you can buy this valve right here for $50 CA$H out of your pocket" and then hold up some cheap ass plumbing valve fitting.

Anyway, what the hell was I talking about? Oh yea, the fuel system on the boat. Two tanks, one engine. Two shut off valves.

So I managed to burn off about 14.5 gallons. The tank holds 27.5 gallons, for a total capacity of 55 gallons. I do not do a whole lot of running, so the last few trips out only used a little gas. Like 4 - 7 gallons. Running at the best speed for fuel economy I can get at good 4 nautical miles out of a gallon. The only thing that beats that is a sailboat.

But today I found myself running a little faster. See by the time I got up, decided to go out, loaded up the gear I planned to use, got more frozen shrimp in case I wanted to fish, and arrived at the ramp it was close to 3 PM.

And of course, the dark storm clouds were visible. Everyone else who was smart was heading in and leaving when I arrived at the ramp. I was the only idiot putting in. I get the boat in the water, park the truck and trailer, prepare the boat to leave, and then the cold wind blows. So I think to myself, "if I am going to be dumb I have to be tough" - then head off.

The cold wind ALWAYS means rain. It feels good on a hot summer day, but this was not a hot summer day. It was a mild winter day. Not hot, not cold.

Now I know what must be done. The clouds were to the north and west of my position, moving towards me. So clearly, I had to make way to the SOUTH. Where the clear sky was.

But the ramp area is all some sort of slow speed no wake zone. And then there is the manatee zones. Really - if manatees are so darn endangered, then they need to be in ZOOS! As opposed to Biscayne Bay where they get in the way of boats and get run over, damaging valuable boat engines and propellers and stuff. I have never hit one, but I have seen a few that I avoided.

So anyway, I head south. And I start to get rained on. So I take the Bimini top out of the boot and quickly open it, thinking the light sprinkle is about to get worse.

But as it worked out, it was all OK. I cleared the slow zone in time to pick up speed and avoid the worst of the rain. It was cool really. I clear the Key Biscayne bridge, and South Biscayne Bay is open to me. The rain is behind me, creeping south at a good clip. I watch the high rise buildings of Downtown Miami vanish. Then I watch the Key Biscayne causeway vanish. Then I watch Coconut Grove vanish.

But I never got wet. I was running parallel to the rain. The rain pretty much stayed over land, and only the very outer fringe got to me.

The whole point in going out was to watch another boat with people I knew on board conduct some sort of training operation with a US Coast Guard "Dolphin" helicopter. That was pretty neat. The chopper hovers really low over the boat, drops a trail line, and attached to that trail line is whatever they want to attach. Could be a rescue basket, could be a hoist strap, or whatever. In this case it was not anything, as it was just training for the air crew and the boat crew.

I got to sit in my boat and watch. Close enough that I could feel the wind from the chopper blade downdraft, but not close enough that I was getting drenched by the mist kicked up from the downdraft. Also far enough away that everyone had plenty of space in which to do their thing.

Rule 1 - never get too close to anyone or anything when in the water. It is a big ocean, no need to get too close.

Still it was cool to watch. I was not the only one. Other boats that just happened to be in the area also hung out to watch the action. Why not. They may not have known what was going on, but they were following my rule 1 and 2. Do not get too close to anyone or anything.

Rule 2 is - AVOID drawing the attention of law enforcement while out on the water. Chances are you have beer on board. And chances are you may have been consuming said beer.

But of course, I forget the camera. Crap! Left it in the truck. So no photos. I am an idiot.

What Is Larger Than The Moon?

It seems I promised Scarlet a link. Well I lied. I was going to post a link, and then I found this.

This is even better than a link! Had I just posted a link, you would have to click it and then a window would pop up and you would have to download some MP3 file and then it would play. But this way the link is embedded in the post! Much better.

The You tube thing was inspired by something about the empiricist camp VS the rationalist camp. Rene Descartes was mentioned, and so of course I instantly thought of the Monty Python Drunk Philosopher Song. Rene Descartes was a drunken fart "I drink; therefore I am".

This is how my brain works. I can take anything and reduce it to a silly song and/or some other kind of tom foolery.

Like this little snippet of tom foolery. Did I ever mention I hate that "who wants to be a millionaire" show? Well I just mentioned it if I forgot to do so before. I can not stand idiots. What makes it even worse is when you have to hear some idiot's thought process. You know that they are a friggin moron. You know they do not know their ass from a hole in the ground. Yet, you are forced to listen to them reason shit out and no matter how much you yell at the TV it does no good. They just keep digging that hole.
Yes, elephants are larger than the moon. Seriously I hope this moron left the show with nothing. But she probably made it to the $250,000 question and left with at least that much. America likes idiots. Some people, mostly my mom, keeps saying "but don't you feel sorry for them?".

HELL NO. No way. If you are an idiot and you are dumb enough to think you are smart and get on a TV quiz show and you think elephants are larger than the moon - you deserve whatever you get. As long as that is not $250,000. You deserve pain and humiliation. You deserve years of ridicule. You deserve to be forced to sit through 2nd grade again, because clearly you were smoking pot the first time around.

You know who I feel sorry for? ME! Thats who. Am I on that show? Hell no. The "fastest thumb" questions are usually something retarded, like "which order did celebrities enter the Academy Awards Show?" or something stupid and unimportant.

I SHIT ON THE ACADEMY AWARDS. There. I said it. I shit on the Academy Awards. I do not care who wins, or how many times someone wins. Not in the slightest.

But if I ever did get on a quiz show, they would ask me some sports / celebrity question that I would not know the answer to. The ironic thing is that the average idiot would know these things.

This is why America is doomed - people know who is currently married to who, but nobody knows how many tentacles a squid has (10 by the way). But if you ask me, a squid is far more important than any movie star. I would much rather see a live giant squid than spend a day with ANY celebrity. And you know why? Because the giant squid will not say something stupid that pisses me off. Like "yes I care about the starving people in Africa" while eating a $5,000 dinner flown in from London or "we should all do our part to stop using so much" while making fun of people who fly commercial because that is for poor people who are not important. Or better yet, sporting around in yachts that get 10 gallons per mile. Giant squids would never do any of those things.

And what would I do if I won a million bucks on one of these shows? Probably something stupid. Like getting a larger boat. Something with a cuddy cabin, diesel engines, a generator, and what the hell AC for the cabin. It would have a decent size fresh water tank for showering and a water heater because cold showers suck and so on. And with diesel at the marina approaching $4 a gallon - I would need that million bucks.

Smells Like A Gun Fight.

I take it everyone still has all their fingers and toes. I hope. If you paid attention to the wonderful safety video I posted then you should be OK.

Now if you read the comments from yesterday, you learned about the insane fireworks policy Pennsylvania has. Fireworks are illegal there, yet they are openly sold. Just not to people who live there. You have to be from out of State. So if you live in New Jersey close to the Pennsylvania border just drive across it and buy whatever you want. But if you live in PA then I guess you have to drive to New Jersey to buy stuff. Something like that.

Florida, not to be outdone, has its own crazy fireworks policy. Ariel stuff is illegal. If it goes BOOM or up in the air, it is illegal. Pretty simple.

Except that there are many places that will sell you anything. You just have to promise that you will go out of State to shoot the stuff off. There are fireworks warehouse places in South Florida where you can buy all the illegal fireworks you want. Shells, rockets, whatever. You can also mail order stuff.

So needless to say, all over the place people were setting off all manners of stuff. Some of the shells people buy are almost like the "professional" shells at the public shows. They go up there pretty high and explode creating large displays. People must spend big bucks on that stuff. But unlike the public shows, the fire department is not on standby. And there is no safety buffer zone. People just set that stuff off in the middle of the street. And if the launch tube should fall over? OH WELL! Or should a shell fizzle and explode too low? OH WELL! Sucks to be you.

But I did not hear any horrific screams, so everyone around here must have been OK. I guess. The air was thick with gunpowder. Of course for Miami it is perfectly normal for the air to be thick with gunpowder smoke.

At least it rained earlier in the day. Having everything wet is good when possibly drunk people are playing with explosives.

Today's safety video is called "How To Not Launch A Jet Ski". Enjoy.



This guy is a moron. How he got that truck so far in the water is a mystery to me. The ski weighs only a few hundred pounds. You do not need to get them that far in the water to float them. I launch a real boat in a similar truck (My Tacoma has 4 doors and the V6 engine) and never have any problems. If my 18 foot and 19 foot boat did not have to be that deep to float, neither does a jet ski.

Shit like this is funny to watch. People here go to the ramps on a busy day just to watch the madness. It is like a spectator sport.

Exciting Day. Not Really.

What an exciting day this was!

First, there was that stupid test I was supposed to take. I get up early and stuff, and head off into the wonderful Miami traffic.

I really hate this place. People are so stupid, it amazes me they can remember to breathe. 60% of the drivers I looked at were yapping away on their cell phone, totally ignorant of anything outside their car. So this slows traffic.

And then when I got on the so called express way, it was backed up to hell. There is road construction going on. And by "construction" I mean there is some signs of work being done (crazy lane markings, graded but unpaved roads, concrete barriers, etc). There are also a whole lot of construction machines. But no workers. The equipment just sits there. So this slows everything down.

I know about this. So I left with enough time to account for the stupidity.

But I did not account for ALL the stupidity. The north south expressway is where the "construction" is going on. So I kind of expected that to be all screwed up.

The east west expressway should have opened up a bit after the first exit. It usually does. But as it turned out, some idiot had an accident and rolled a Chevy Blazer. The driver was probably yapping on the cell phone at the time. Anyway, the accident was over. All vehicles involved were well to the side of the road. All the emergency vehicles were gone, except for one police car and a few tow trucks. The rolled Blazer was on the flatbed.

And EVERY ASSHOLE ON THE ROAD had to slow down to look. OHHH! Look at the smashed up cars! Hey kids! Grab your cameras! Lets take some photos!

And so the traffic was backed up for much longer than it needed to be. Up to the point of the accident I was going maybe 5 mph. After I passed the exact point where the accident happened I was able to go 80 mph. Just like that. So most of that eastbound slowdown was 100% not necessary.

As a result, I arrived at the testing location at 9:01 AM. Yes 9:01. According to my phone.

The doors to the testing location closed at 9:00 AM. 1 fucking minute. Had the assholes NOT felt the need to stop and look at the accident, I would have made it where I needed to be with plenty of time to register and get seated and stuff.

I hope EVERYONE who was responsible for the "slow down to look" thing roll their vehicle tomorrow. Really. I do. Screw them. The world will be better off with that many fewer idiots polluting the gene pool. And it will mean that much less traffic, because thousands of cars will not be on the road Friday. They can all stay home Friday and look at a crunched up car all damn day.

Now it is a law in Florida to slow down OR move over one lane if there are vehicles stopped on the side of the road. Fair enough. But people were stopping to look. Traffic in the two lanes to the right could have moved at at least 30 mph - well within the slow down or move over law. Traffic in the left two lanes could have continued at speed - also within the law. But people were stopping to look. I hate that shit.

This is common in Miami. This city has to have one of the lowest collective IQs in the world. The Special Olympics should be held here every year, so that people do not have to travel very far to participate.

But not all was lost today. I was able to finish the "cargo carrier to bike rack" project. I bought the bike rack part last year. It has been sitting around for at least a year. Well I finally bought the bolts, nuts, and washers to attach the thing to the carrier. Ill have to remember to take a picture of the thing. One day.

And about the letter from yesterday's post? I called someone. They are re-auditing things. I think that the error will be resolved. No harm no foul. Life goes on. Computerized systems are supposed to make life easier. And they do - most of the time. Just not all the time. This is a case where the humans just have to correct the computer. And then punish it with "the magnet".

And seriously, if you are going to come to Miami for any reason consider your options. There are beaches all over the place you know. Want to go on a cruise? Use the airport shuttle bus thing. And if you want to spend a few days in the city AFTER the cruise? Consider your options. Try to stay someplace where you will NOT need to rent a darn car - unless you want to spend 40% of your vacation time stuck in that rental car. Rent a nice one! Do not cheap out! Trust me - get the Lincoln Town Car.

If you are going to the Keys - you may be tempted to fly into Miami or Ft. Lauderdale, rent a car, and drive to the keys. Good idea in theory - except you have to drive in Miami. Trust me, take the American Eagle connection to Key West. Once you are there you will not need a car.