We're Number 1!

Miami is number 1 at something. Out of all the cities in the USA, we beat em all! The Mayor of Miami-Dade was going to have a parade this weekend.

It seems that Miami-Dade County is number 1 for ROAD RAGE! The parade plans were scrapped out of fear that the road closures would piss people off. Of course this would help us keep our number 1 status!

The city that is the biggest loser is Minneapolis. LOOOOOOO-SERRRRRRRRR! Minneapolis will never catch up to Miami! No friggin way! I intend to drive even worse now, so that we can remain number 1. Miami even beat out LA and New York City! We have come a long way.

Now here is the funny part.

According to the survey, some of the common road rage triggers in Miami include speeding, tailgating, cutting into traffic and having parking places stolen. Drivers in Miami are often angered by tailgating, with 63 percent of drivers saying they see the behavior daily. The survey found that half of the drivers in Miami will have the experience of having a parking place stolen from them. One-fourth of all drivers surveyed said that they see drivers run red lights every day.

What is this whining crap? Well this is to the 63% of drivers who see tailgating daily. YOU ARE PROBABLY THE ONE TAILGATING! Seriously. Bank robbers see a lot of bank robberies! People who grow marijuana see a lot of marijuana plants! And so on. So if you see bad driving every day ask yourself this - who is the bad driver? Are you seeing it because YOU are the one doing it?

Most likely. People here seem to think that everyone else in an asshole, but they are a friggin Saint. They are not the bad driver, everyone else is. When they run a red light, there is a good reason! It was yellow! They could not stop in time! They are running late!

But when someone else run a light, they are an asshole.

The same holds true for all other road range inducers. I can tailgate - but you better not tailgate me! I can not use turn signals, but if you do not use them I get pissed. I can cut you off, but anyone who cuts me off will get shot.

This is the Miami mentality. You are always perfect, everyone else sucks. So as a result, Miami is number 1 in the nation for road rage.

My contribution to this is simple really. I try to abide by all the rules. Since everyone expects me to violate the rules, I create road rage by not doing so. The driver behind me expects me to run a red light - and I do not do it. I stop. So he has to slam on his brakes to prevent a collision. And so does the person behind them. This causes road rage. I take off slowly from a stop. Why waste the gas? I am just going to get stuck at the next light anyway! This causes road rage. When I tow the boat I cause all manners of road rage. HOW DARE I drive below the posted speed limit! I should be at least 10 mph over the posted speed limit. It does not matter I am pulling over a ton of extra weight.

So this is how I am an asshole, and how I contribute to the number 1 status. I simply do not care. If someone behind me is upset, I fix this by turning up music volume till I can not hear the horns. I paid to have all the speakers in the truck upgraded, and I had an amp installed as well.

America's Elite

NASA - A well known magnet for the elite of America's armed forces. Yes, to go into space representing the USA only those of the highest caliber can be selected! That is, only those of the highest caliber and this lady.

I guess there ARE exceptions to every rule. In all fairness, NASA probably did not know that this chick was a little on the wiggy side. Maybe it was SPACE MADNESS?? YOU COVET MY ICE CREAM BAR!

Anyway, here is the headline and a link to the whole story from Newsday out of somewhere in New York. Space shuttle astronaut arrested at OIA on attempted kidnapping, battery charges. It is a great story. It involves SPACE DIAPERS and everything. A must read.

But will someone PLEASE tell Newsday about THIS website? It is a handy place to find out the proper airport code for anyplace on Earth! If they had used this, they would know that OIA is the code for some airport in Ourilandia, Brazil. That is in South America. Orlando International Airport code is MCO. EVERYONE knows this you poop heads! Get it right next time! Good think you guys at Newsday are not tagging luggage, or else people in Disney World would have to go to friggin BRAZIL to change clothes! I mena I can understand getting MCO confused with ORL (Orlando Executive) or SFB (Orlando/Sanford Intl) - but OIA? That is not even on the right side of the equator!

And now, I have that New Order song "Bizarre Love Triangle" stuck in my head. It displaced "Under The Sea" from the cat washing machine video.

PS - do not forget about today's original post below this one.