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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The truth about Miami

This is for my blog readers that do not live in Miami. You might think that this rat hole is a nice place to live. You might think that it is “paradise”. You might even think that you want to take a vacation here.

But you are WRONG! Miami FloriDUH is a festering hell hole, a cesspool of humanity. The Devil, one of my readers now, would love it here. So many souls free for the taking.

One problem is that nobody gives a crap about anybody else. Drivers are in their own little world, totally oblivious to anyone else on the road. Too many people think that traffic rules, like for example RED LIGHT MEANS STOP, do not apply to them. When lights cycle, at least three cars coast through the intersection. Sometimes more.

It is dangerous to be a pedestrian in Miami. People in cars WILL run your ass over. When Miami drivers see someone trying to walk across the street, do they slow down? NO. They either speed up or continue at the same speed like they do not see anything. People on foot know to run or die. Somehow, very few people get turned into road pizza. Probably because nobody walks anywhere.

Drivers also love to use the horn. They will sit there at a red light (when they actually decide to stop) with their hand on the horn. The millisecond that light is green, if you are not flooring it they honk. People also use the car horn as a doorbell. They will pull up in front of a house, and use the horn as opposed to getting out of the car and using the doorbell.

And there is also a trend to race from light to light. People here are either flooring the gas pedal or the brake pedal. Green light = STOMP ON IT!. Red light = slam on the brakes, and skid to a stop. Yellow lights mean "now is a good time to pick up the cell phone and start to dial someone up". It is like you can get a drivers license from a box of Cracker Jacks.

People will also think nothing of trashing the place up. The only reason the city is not drowning in a sea of litter is that the frequent rain carries it all into the storm sewers. I have seen, with my own eyes, people using the beach like a giant personal ash tray (putting the cigarette out in the beach sand, then leaving the butt sticking up and walking off). What disgusting, inconsiderate, filthy PIGS! What is even worse (but less common) is people leaving poopy baby diapers on the beach, buried under a few inches of sand. FIND A GARBAGE CAN! Or better yet, pick up a plastic bag someone else tossed on the ground and put the diaper in that - tie a knot - then throw it in the trash. Or even better, DO NOT HAVE KIDS! The last thing this planet needs are disgusting pigs breeding, and creating another generation who think that the beach is their personal landfill. If you can not be responsible for your trash, how can you be responsible for molding the young mind of another human being? If you feel that you just can not be bothered to use the trash can, do the world a favor and DROWN YOURSELF! It is easy to do that at the beach. I promise to not try to rescue you. At least then your dead body can be useful for something, like crab food.

There is also a large number of people here who care more about one Caribbean Island than they do about the USA. At least it seems that way some of the time.

It is common for neighbors to never speak to each other. In fact, most people HATE their neighbors. Why? Because if you live here chances are your neighbor is an asshole. They will have little or no regard for you. They will bitch about everything you do, but when they want to have a party they will direct guests to park in your yard, and play loud music all night. And don’t you dare complain! Oh no! THEY can do whatever they want, but you can not.

But really, this is not a huge shock. The island a lot of people here are obsessed with was run the exact way. There were the privileged, and the peons. The peons revolted. So the privileged came here and installed a similar system.

But as much as this place blows, I am stuck here. Like a rat on a boat at sea. I am too poor to just pack up and split. I do not have enough buffer money to rent a place to live while I look for work.

What Miami needs is a PEOPLE TRANSPLANT. It would be so nice to kick out about 90% of the population, and replace them with REAL PEOPLE. And I do not mean “people that speak English” or anything, I mean real people. People that are considerate. People that know the rules apply to them as well as to other people. People that do not act like their shit does not stink. You know, real people. Ordinary, polite, respectful people. I could care less what their national origin was. In fact, I would prefer a diverse population. Sameness is boring. As long as that diverse population was not rude and obnoxious.

But this is like expecting a tropical rain forest in Antarctica.It just isn’t going to happen. Too bad, because Miami could be paradise.

South Beach in the foreground, port Of Miami in the middle, and Downtown Miami in the background. I took this photo from a Cessna 172 flown by a friend of mine. It was a rental plane. Click HERE for a full size photo. Posted by Hello


Blogger GodlessMom said...

Look on the bright side! At least Dade county is blue!

I'm sorry it sucks so bad. Nothing worse than living somewhere that couldn't possibly feel like home. The photo is beautiful, isn't it funny how some things look nicer from a distance?

Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

My husband LOVES Miami! We are supposed to go there mid-June, but will probably postpone our trip.
Look at it this way. The city is physically beautiful, even though you have no mountains, hills, and mainly conservative thinkers there!
(just kidding.)

Blogger Lissette said...

It's bright, it's dirty, the homelessness is raging, the corruption is rampant, and the true beauty of this city is being cleared and redeveloped.

The natural beauty (the Everglades) are in constant threat of being cleared by developers and used for homes, the beaches are being eroded and destroyed, there is a constant haze in the sky on a sunny day, and if you show any signs of enjoyment the police come and take you away for having to much fun. Miami sucks, and I'm stuck here just the same. Why? Because the politicians have made sure that if you're broke you stay broke by filling their pockets instead. Miami has the HIGHEST unemployment rate in all the states and the HIGHEST rate of "working poor". I wish I could leave.

In other news, I just read some interesting things over here...

Thought you might like the George W bash.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Yea, you might THINK it is a nice place if you are only here for a few days, and you stay in a hotel within walking distance to the places you want to hang out, and you never have to cross the street.

Try this next time you come here. Skip Miami. Forget it is even on the map. check out The Keys, or Marco Island on the west coast. For that matter, check out Pensacola in the panhandle. The beaches in the panhandle and Gulf Coast are nice too.

Blogger actonbell said...

Interesting blog! I had never heard so much about Miami--I've only flown in&out, never even stayed there. Have you read Carl Hiaasen, btw? You'd really like his humor about the political/environment situation in Forida.
Also, I think incivility is on the rise, everywhere (except maybe the midwest). And about drivers: last weekend, 67 people were arrested, one block from my abode, for drag-racing at about 2am. Ain't that some shit? It's a well-traveled road, and any unsuspecting late-shift worker could've pulled out on the pike and been killed! It's hard to walk around here, too. No wonder Americans are getting fat...

Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

I'm sorry but I had to laugh. You made me! (At least in the beginning.) But the dirty beach, ugh. No excuse for folks leaving any trash on the beach.

When one of our daughters lived in Italy and we visited her, we discovered that the Italians regarded traffic "rules" as "suggestions." Sounds as if some people in your area don't take "suggestions" too seriously.

Blogger AP3 said...

I visited Miami about a year and a half ago, and I was a bit disappointed. The driving is bad, but NOT as bad as Naples, Italy, where I lived for 3 years! Not even as bad as Boston, where I lived for 5 years.

I was surprised that Miami seemed, well, somewhat bland overall. I did enjoy Little Havana very much. Had dinner at a great Spanish restaurant with live Flamenco. That was the most memorable part of the trip.

Blogger Ali said...

Hahaha, sounds like you described some scenes from Vice City... I'm sure all you say its true, but at least you're not stuck in Columbia, South Carolina... now that´s a hell hole.

Blogger Flap said...

Sadly, you are completely on the money. Even worse, the rest of Florida is much the same. In the aftermath of Andrew, a bunch of us where I worked volunteered to go help rebuild and do cleanup. I never met more people who had so much in life and who were miserable that they did not have more. People lost everything, yet the affluent folks were put out that they could not go to the tanning salon, or the country club or the trendy areas to shop. This attitude is pervasive everywhere here now. Sarasota is no's just become a northern version of Naples which was a northern version of Miami...I'm heading to New Mexico myself.

Enjoyed reading your blog by the way. Best regards.....

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Well Flop - thank you for volunteering your time after Andrew. That storm really tore up south Dade County. I know the people you helped were grateful.

After Charlie, I volunteered 5 days to the Red Cross. I drove around a 20 foot box truck, handing out supplies. I drove into the hardest hit areas handing out clean up kits, comfort kits, water, and stuff. Whatever the Red Cross had at the distribution center went on my truck.

Everyone on the West Coast was nice. The whole area rallied to help those who were hit.

Blogger dddragon said...

I guess that I have to say that when I get a catalog call from Miami, they are almost as difficult as the people calling from NYC.


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