The Decider

I should be the decider.....for the 2006 hurricane names. But I am not the decider. So whoever the decider is decidered to choose the same old boring names as usual.

By the way, "decider" IS a real word. Without violating my security clearance I can let you all in on this. There is a classified dictionary of the English Language. I can not tell you what words are inside it, because it is....well...CLASSIFIED! Need to know basis and all. The national security implications are real here.

But the President CAN de-classify words in the classified dictionary by using them in a speech. Once he says a word on the public record that word is removed from the classified dictionary and can be used by everyone. No leaking here!

Anyhow the 2006 hurricane names ARE boring. So I came up with my own list! Hurricane names fit a "theme", but the theme is boring. Alternating male and female names. Boring huh? To spice things up they also mix up english names with spanish names, and sometimes even toss in a token french name (or whatever language pronounces "George" as "Zoreze").

So my theme was VILLAINS! Movie villains. Cartoon villains. TV villains. Media villains. Video game villains. Even a movie title that sounded like a cool villain name.

The boring hurricane center decidered names are on the left, the names I decidered are on the right.

Alberto ------ Aku
Beryl ------ Bill The Butcher
Chris ------ Chucky
Debby ------ Dr. Evil
Ernesto ------- Electro
Florence ------- Fat Bastard
Gordon ------ Godzilla
Helene ------- Hannibal
Isaac ---------- Immortus
Joyce -------- Jaws
Kirk --------- Kim Jong Il
Leslie ---------- Leatherface
Michael -------- Ming The Merciless
Nadine ------ Nosferatu
Oscar ----- O'Reilly
Patty ---- Pennywise
Rafael ----- Ratched (Nurse Ratched)
Sandy --- Shang Tsung
Tony ---- Terminator
Valerie --- Vigo The Carpathian
William --- Werewolf

I think my names are great. Come on! What could be cooler than "Hurricane Ming The Merciless"? You know at least that people would not think that staying in a flood zone would be a good idea with a name like "Bill The Butcher" or "Nosferatu".

But mostly, I think it would be funny to hear every local weather reporter in South Florida to give reports about "Fat Bastard" every 15 minutes for a few days. They could say things like "Fat Bastard is on the way, so many sure you have at least 2 weeks of food stocked away!". Or how about this headline "Godzilla Goofs! Hits Jacksonville and not Tokyo". And so on.