My Taxes

I did fairly good this year. Sort of. I paid a total of $1,895 in taxes (federal income tax, not counting social security and stuff), but my tax obligation was only $1,416. This gave me a "refund" of $479. Yea I know all about the time value of money, and that it is better to not withhold any money from your pay. You can put that money into a money market account and make 4% with an online bank.

But - I am too lazy. I would probably spend the money on gas for the boat, or maybe a cool widescreen 720p TV, or whatever. Then I would need to file for an extension or something unless I just wanted to cut a check for $1,416. So I just take the easy way out - I overpay and just take my refund. I like to fool myself by thinking very hard that the money is like a tax cut or something. It usually works. I check my bank account and its like POOF! Instant money. Which I then invest in beer futures.

I had three jobs last year. I worked for Dade County Public Schools, then over the summer I worked for Educate Inc (Sylvan Learning Center), and of course for Miami-Dade County (the County - not the school system).

I got my three W2 forms in February. So I did what every good tax paying American does. I loose the W2 forms for a month. After all - who the hell does their taxes that early? Nobody that's who! Nobody except for an AMERICA HATING COMMUNIST! Procrastination is the American Way. He who does not put things off is probably a terrorist.

So after loosing the W2 forms for a month, I find them. This reminded me that I had to do my taxes some time. So I put the forms away for a few more weeks. Then one weekend at work, it was a little slow. So I printed out a bunch of crap from the IRS website. I printed out some tax tables, and the 1040EZ form. Anything that ends in EZ cant be too hard to figure out right?

I figured out everything using the 1040EZ worksheet. Then I realized that the 1040EZ is a PDF file which I can fill out online and then print it out - so it looks all neat and stuff. So I did.

Then I put all this stuff away again. A few days later I remembered it again - so I put the 1040EZ and all three W2 in an envelope, addressed it to "The Bowels Of Hell, Atlanta Georgia" and put on a postage stamp upside down. I figured that the post office would just know that "The Bowels Of Hell" had to be the IRS office in Atlanta. Then I put the envelope in my vehicle because there is a post office in the building I work in.

Of course I forgot to take it in. So for a few days the stuff hung out in my vehicle.

Then last week - on a Tuesday I think - I remembered. So I drove to the post office (it was my day off) and stuck all that crap in the mail box. Then I went to the booze depot and got myself a bottle of 12 year old scotch that was on sale for $20. Then I drank some scotch with a friend of mine and ended up taking a little snooze on the front porch.

This is the pretty good part. I got my stuff off BEFORE the last day! Pretty slick!

So why did I not just file online? Too lazy. The free online tax software wants you to create a user account and answer all these questions and stuff. Hell, I am using the EZ form! I do not save receipts, I forget what crap I bought over the year, so I really can not claim anything beyond the standard deduction - which for me is $8,200. Yea I gave some cash to the USO, the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, Amnesty International, and probably some other places - some of that may have been tax deductible. But then I would have to ask for canceled checks and that would require going to the bank, then I would have to save all this stuff for years in case some pinhead from the Bowels Of Hell ever asked any questions - and all this takes way too much effort. So no deductions other than the standard deduction.

I did give the IRS my bank account and bank routing number, so my refund can be e-deposited to my checking account. This way I do not have to go to the bank and use the ATM deposit thingie.