Broke.

Today, I am broke. I am one broke ass lazy guy. But I got a lot done! Lets review the day!

1. Stay up till 2 AM watching Cartoon Network. This was free, but is important for the set up. Sunday is a good day for Adult Swim.

2. Wake up at 7:30 AM. Take the truck to Toyota for the ball joint recall.

3. Go to spanish class. Free. Buy a horrible Borders Book Store "green tea" - cost $2

4. Go back to the dealer to get my truck. Sit there for almost 2 hours because it took them 4 hours to do a two hour job. Order a transmission cooler - COST $110. I have to fork over another hundred or so later when they install the thing. This will be done later this week.

5. Go to the eye doctor. Walk in being able to see. Leave half blind because of the drops they put in to dilate your pupils. Pay them $150 to screw up my vision.

6. $80 for 6 months of contact lenses.

7. Rescue my mother, who had a flat tire. While half blind and trying to hide my eyes from the bright ass sun (pupils are still dilated like a woman squeezing out a 15 pound mutant baby - not even my Ray-Ban polarized shades were cutting it) attampt to find the proper tools to drop the spare tire from under the Durango. Cuss a lot. Realize that the blacktop pavement is hot as beer tossed into a campfire. Cuss more - this time in a language I just made up. Find the proper tools. Discover that the lug nuts were welded on the studs. Nothing I could do would break the lug nuts loose. Cuss more in english. Loudly. Abandon Ma after calling AAA.

8. Rush to the mice store to buy Max's weekly feast - cost $10.

9. Rush home to feed Max.

10. Go back to the flat tire Durango, which the AAA guy had already found.

11. Discover that the AAA guy could get all the lugs off - EXCEPT ONE. Even with his cool air impact wrench. Some monkey put the lugs on WAY TOO TIGHT! One of the lug nuts is now damaged and has to be removed by a tire shop. The tire was still flat.

12. Hope the AAA guy can plug the rip in the tire - which is almost in the sidewall. The goop patch stuff just barely works to plug the hole.

13. Follow Ma as she returns home. Hope the tire holds pressure long enough. It does. Promise to wake up early tomorrow to drive Ma to her bowling thing.

14. Go to Vision Worls to buy glasses. COST $275. Remember to ask for the anti-reflective coating, then fall for the "scratch warranty" upsale. Pay ANOTHER $120. Total glasses cost - $395. But I got some nice stuff! High index EV 4.0 lenses (thinner than poly-carb lenses) WITH Transitions coating (lenses that get dark in sunlight and go clear indoors), Guess frames WITH some cool magnet stick on polarized things. With the magent polarized stick on things stuck on the glasses look like regular sunglasses.

15. Go to Outback Steak House with Ma because I was hungry. And her car has a flat tire. Cost - $51. I was thirsty or the bill would have been lower. I needed those Sam Adams! In fact, I think I need another one. I will have to raid the fridge when I am done writing this. OR BETTER YET, raid the fridge now. Do not go anywhere! I will be right back! I am still a little thirsty. It was hot as hell today.

OK I am back. Now do I dare do the math? YES! Yes I dare do the math! Here it goes! You can follow along if you like!

Yesterday's total $611 + horrible Borders Books green tea $2 (NEVER order the green tea at Borders - it sucks. Next time I am there I will try the Earl Grey or English Breakfast) + transmission cooler $110 + eye doctor $150 + contact lenses $80 + food for Max the Lizard $10 + cool glasses $395 + dinner $51. That works out to......uhhhh......one plus zero plus 8 plus 6....carry the one.....and we have.....

$1409! Holy crap! That is some kind of new record or something. And the paycheck I juist got - all gone! Finished like the French National Soccer Team! Gone! Done! No more! Cashed out! Spent! And so forth.

Tomorrow I go back to work. The weekend is over. And I am happy. I NEED to get back to work now! I done spent all the work money I just got. I need to make more money. At work. Which I will go to tomorrow. But not until 3 PM. So I can stay up late and sleep in. Except that I have to remember that I have to drive Ma to her bowling thing. But the bowling alley has PINBALL! I think I have some quarters around here somewhere.