Cats Are A Pain In The Ass.

So it is close to 1 AM, I have a spanish class to attend at 9:30 AM, and I am still up. What gives?

First off, I got out of work at 11 PM. I have to work the late shift two days a week for this bid. Not really a problem, I like the late shift. I am more of a night person than a day person anyway - so getting out at 11 PM is perfect. If I had the late shift before my days off, it would rule. I could get out of work just in time to go do something! When the sun comes up I would be going home. Life would be great. I would be that grumpy guy who yells at kids for "making too much darn noise" at 2 PM on a Saturday.

Actually, it is probably better that I do not have the late shift 5 days a week. I would likely never see much of the sun (meaning I would be even whiter than I am now and I would lobster-fy myself to a severe degree on my cruise), and I would end up arrested for doing something crazy, like attaching a flashlight to a lawn mower with duct tape and then mowing the lawn at 1 AM. When the neighbors bitched I would say to them "Well YOU mow YOUR lawn at 1 PM when I am trying to SLEEP! Payback is a bitch huh?". Then the cops would come and tazer and/or mace me.

By the way - I came up with the idea of attaching a flashlight to a lawn mower for some midnight lawn trimming when I worked for TSA and had the 4 AM shift every day. This was in 2002. I would go to sleep with the senior citizens at 6 PM, but unlike the senior citizens I could not simply remove my hearing aid and sleep. People would often keep me up with their cuban bongo music parties and stuff.

But what I wanted to post about today is a warning. Cats are a pain in the ass! Avoid the temptation to get cats. This is what happens almost nightly.

Before I go to sleep, I usually watch a little TV and sometimes write posts. At this time Fat Fred usually tries to get in my room to hang out. I let him in so I do not have to listen to his pawing at the door. Then Cornelius meows to get in. So I let him to shut him up. The girl cats seldom want in, they like to stay out of my room and just run about the rest of the place, knocking stuff over.

Sometime in the night, Fred and Cornelius decide to play tag (which for them involves running all over the room knocking stuff over, climbing objects, and doing anything else to necessary to wake me up). On days that they do not decide to play tag they find something to hunt - either a hapless gecko or palmetto bug that gets inside. I live in South Florida, small lizards and palmetto bugs indoors is just a reality of living here.

So Lazy, just leave your door open! Yes right. If I do that I end up with ALL FOUR cats in here playing tag, or hunting stuff. The games of cat tag can be everyone for themselves OR "girls VS boys" OR on the rare occasion Fred and Sake or Fred and Gigi VS Cornelius and Sake or Cornelius and Gigi. Another popular game for them is "everyone VS Gigi". Gigi likes to start crap with the other cats then scream loudly when they give her crap back. But either way it keeps me up. So the door has to remain shut.

So why not just keep Fred and Cornelius out? That would work - except that they will sit outside the closed door clawing at the door and/or meowing loudly. All night if they need to.

Just about every night the same ritual plays out. And like an idiot I put up with it. I keep saying to myself "maybe tonight everything will be calm" - but it hardly ever is.

So what did we learn today? Nothing. It is not like I said to myself "hey! I got a great idea! I am going to get four cats!". It just kind of happened.