Why Sales Suck

Anyway, the other day I was at the supermarket. I needed some more beer. I was all out.

TANGENT TIME! Summer must be over. Samuel Adams Summer Ale (Official Boat Beer Of The Summer 2006) is nowhere to be found. In its place is Octoberfest Beer. Octoberfest beer is malty and sweet. Not bad stuff really. On a nice cool day the stuff really hits ye ole spot. The next seasonal by Sam Adams is the Winter Ale. Winter Ale is OK, but it is spiced with nutmeg and crap. Not really my style, but I will still have one. Maybe two. But no more than that. I have my limits.

OH YEA! I found a place that has Sierra Nevada Pale Ale on tap! Great stuff. Truly, the Sierra Nevada Brewery is a blessing to this nation. Some may say the stuff is too hoppy and "bitter", but I call those people wussies. They sound a lot like this.

WAAA WAAAA! This beer is too bitter! I demand you take it back and return with a pint of crappy beer that tastes like old Cheerios at once! And DO NOT SKIMP on the horse urine ok! Last time I came here and ordered a crappy beer I know you held back on the good stuff!

But that is not the point of this pointless post. I forgot what the point was. So I will make up a new point that has nothing to do with beer.

OH YEA! The other day I was at the supermarket to buy beer. And while I was there I figured that I might need some food. So I bought some. I am experimenting with creating a curry sauce, so I got the stuff I need for that. An onion, some garlic, a tomato, plain yogurt, and so on.

I also bought stuff to make my work lunch salads. And what is my favorite thing to put in a salad? SPINACH GREENS! Yes, spinach greens. Screw lettuce. Give me spinach, or give me DEATH!

And I might just get death. The stuff was on sale. 2 bags for three bucks! So I got two bags.

And now for the DEATH part. I get to work today and start on my daily "what the crap is going on in the world today" research. It is important that I know what is going on for my job.

On the front page of the CNN website, was the DEATH part. E. Coli bacteria has made people in 20 states sick. And where did this funky ass funk come from? Could it be......SPINACH GREENS?!?!?!

Yup. That is where the USDA thinks the funk is from. Spinach greens. And I had just bought two bags the day before. Did I keep the receipt? Hell no. I tossed it.

Part of me wants to shit all over the warning and just eat the greens. Why not? I am not a small child or an old fogey. Most likely, I would not die from a little E. Coli bacteria in my food. Also, those who got sick supposedly ate the greens last week, or the week before. And only 100 or so have actually had a problem after eating the uncooked spinach. 100 people in 20 states in a nation of over 300 MILLION people is not a whole lot. So screw the "warning" to throw out the spinach! It is not like 100 people with the green apple quickstep is cause for major alarm! I can probably shit on the USDA warning and just make my work salads.

But on the other hand, part of me does not want to be shitting all over EVERYTHING for the next week because I have the green apple splatters.

Also, I left the bathroom door open last night and one (or more) of the cats DESTROYED the toilet paper. It was all over the place. It seems that at least one cat attacked the roll, unspooling all the paper. Then it was shredded into fluff. I had to throw it all away. And did I have another roll? Hell no. So I have to take a shower after I crap. No big deal - I have to take a shower anyway. And I usually only crap once, after work. Sometimes in the morning - but mostly after work. So no big deal so far.

But with the Hershey Squirts, I would be taking A LOT of showers. Or I would have to buy more ass crack paper.

So what to do? Eat the stuff, or toss the stuff? I will probably not get the mud butt, but then again I might. Of course, I might get the runs from some other source even if I DO toss the spinach.

I still have the stuff. The bags are not open. I DO have some collard greens in a bag, I could eat that. But who is to say that the fresh uncooked collard greens are not contaminated with some manner of presently unknown funk? And I like the spinach better.

All this just plain sucks. Sort of anyway.