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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Satanic Symbols On Earth, Goodwill To Men

As we are all aware from the sheer mass of the Sunday newspaper, the holiday season is upon us. This past Sunday the paper came in TWO plastic bags - one for the news and an even larger one for all the sales fliers.

But what is the real meaning of this time of year? Not buying crap - it is supposed to be about more intangible things. Nobody would object to things like this.

Except people HAVE complained about that peace symbol wreath. The person whose house the wreath hangs faces a fine of $25 a day by a Denver homeowners association.

But what is so horrible about the wreath? First, a little background on the situation. In Archuleta County (outside Denver Colorado) the Bush-Cheney ticket carried with something like 65% of the vote, according to THIS SOURCE. The association president Bob Kearns claims that "three or four" people complained (there are 200 homes in the association) and also makes the claim that one person "believes the (peace symbol) is Satanic".

Well - in that case if I lived there I would claim that I believe mowing the lawn is Satanic and demand that all mowing activity cease right away. I mean if one person (who is unnamed and so far has not come forward) can just believe that the peace symbol is satanic and get the homeowners association to fine someone then what about the things I "believe" to be satanic in nature?

I suspect that the "person" who believes the peace symbol is satanic does not exist. The association president made it up to justify the fine he imposed.

It seems that Mr. Kearns, when first alerted to the wreath, asked a committee to take action and fine the homeowner. The committee investigated, and concluded that the wreath was a "seasonal display" and that it held no special meaning. So they decided to do nothing. Imagine that! A group of people deciding that a wreath is a wreath, and just another holiday display put up because it is Christmas time? What the hell were they thinking!??!?!

Mr. Kearns then used his powers as association president to fire all the members of the committee and issued the notice of violation to the homeowner himself. I wonder which President he learned this tactic from? Who do you think he voted for?

So there you go. If you live in a homeowners association outside of Denver forget about any holiday displays! Christmas Trees? PAGAN! Ancient pagans would decorate LIVE evergreen trees at the time of the winter solstice because they thought the trees contained powerful spirits. After all - all the other trees lost their leaves - yet pines remained green!

Wreaths? Also pagan. For the same reasons as the Christmas Tree. Add to that list mistletoe, the yule log, and for that matter the timing of Christmas itself. The Bible does not mention any dates, so why December 25? The Winter Solstice celebration (pagan as can be) had to be replaced by something. Therefore, ALL DECORATIONS are pagan / satanic. And by the way, while we are on the subject - that little plastic baby Jesus used for a Christmas decoration is cute and all, but the real baby Jesus was NOT lily white. He was Middle-Eastern. Maybe not Al Sharpton dark, but certainly not "King of England" white. Just saying. If the real Jesus were lily white, he would have had a grand old time living in the Holy Land without a drop of sunblock 2000 years ago.

Come on now - satanic symbol? Mr. Kearns - you are a moron. You should fine yourself $50 a day for being dumb.

I hope this story turns out to be a hoax - but if it is real for some reason I am not too surprised.


Blogger Ed Abbey said...

I would suspect somebody's popularity numbers are quite low now and might jeopardize his re-election campaign. Are their term limits on the president of a homeowner's association? Yet another reason why I refuse to live someplace that has stupid rules like that.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I have thought it would be cool to lead a home OWNERS war for independence. Keep the homeowner part, loose the "association" business. I would be like George Washington, leading the rag tag revolutionary army to victory!

And once in power, I would stack the board with senior officers from the revolutionary army and vote to dissolve the association FOREVER. Then I would go home, to tend to my crops. Like George Washington, I would also leave letters expressing my desire to be home for the hemp harvest.

Blogger Ed Abbey said...

I guess there will be no war for independence. The board resigned. What a shocker.

Blogger Kristen said...

I read about that. It sounded like a normal retarded spat over decorations - there always is one - until I got to the part about Mr. Kearns firing the members of the grounds committee (or landscaping or whatever it was). Now it's the most retarded holiday decorations spat I've ever read about.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

The season is still young! There is still a lot of time for retarded holiday decorations wars.

It really is a highlight of the holiday season for me.

Blogger Fuzz said...

That "homeowner's association" stuff bothers me.


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