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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The Battle

Today I led my forces into battle. Unlike some so called "leaders" I was on the front line, rallying my forces from horseback. As opposed to fishing on a ranch in Texas.

As is customary, I rode out to the middle of the battlefield to meet the commander of the enemy forces and present them with the chance to surrender and accept my terms. This did not go over so well.

At first I thought it was going to go over just as planned. The person who came out from behind the door to discuss the matter of my $350 overpayment admitted right off the bat that there was a mistake.

"Oh great! So you admit there is a mistake! Perfect! Ill just be going on my way now once you tell me to disregard this nasty gram". This is what I was thinking.

But no. It turns out that the "error" was that I was not overpaid $350, I was overpaid $1000! I was told I had to pay $977 or something like that because I was paid for 40 hours regular time PLUS 20 something hours OT that I never worked.

At this point I informed the enemy forces minion that they were wrong. I did in fact work those hours. I even remember what I did! Unless I was on some really good magic mushrooms and imagined working that week - I was there.

But the computer insisted that I was not there. The computer said my employment was ended before the last day I remember working. And as we all know - computers are never wrong! Oh no!

OK now IT'S ON! It's on like Donkey Kong! This is how you want to play the game is it? Well I hope you got your game ready - because my game is tight!

At this point I rushed back to my front lines and ordered my troops to attack the enemy flank. Going head on was not going to be pretty, but I could see the flanks were weak. The bugle call was sounded, and I ordered the calvary to charge.

The flanks were weak indeed. I found out that there are multiple computer records. The one I was paid from said that I was NOT on magic mushrooms and I did work for all the time I was paid for. The second computer record had three versions. One version reflected exactly what the payroll record said. Version 2 was pretty much the same thing. Version three said that I never worked those last 40 hours and that OT. Someone - or something - changed the record. And the audit only looked at the one record that was changed. The battle was mine. I knew what the end game was going to be.

I then regrouped my forces to attack the main enemy formation. I obtained a letter saying that I did in fact work the disputed hours. It will be sent back to the vanquished Captain of the flank forces. At this point the only thing the Captain can do is declare computer record 2 version 3 to be incorrect and send this back to the 5 star general downtown.

At this point I shall accept full and unconditional surrender of all enemy forces. They will lay down all arms, and make no further demands.

This war is over. I am declaring victory. I shall owe nothing. The grievous error directed to my person will be corrected. All will be forgiven and life shall go on.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Ed Abbey said...

I think you should line them up, have them draw white and black marbels and execute everyone who drew a black marbel. That would really teach them.

08:08  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

That will not be necessary. Total defeat on the field of battle is going to bring them enough shame and dishonor to last for generations.

In a way, I pity them for they know not what they do. That and I hired Mr T. to be a field marshal. He always has pity for the fools. The wisdom of Field Marshall T rings loud in my ears.

11:33  
Blogger actonbell said...

Congratulations on aquitting yourself well, and all without even a slight utterance of "ni!" or any such wicked, vile behavior.

19:36  
Blogger Fuzz said...

Watch out for booby traps

19:44  
Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

Ed is right you must get even. You must inflict pain on these individuals so that this same mistake won't be made in the future. This is called management.

Glad you got it straightened out.

19:45  
Blogger Econo-Girl said...

What a pain! I'm glad it ended well for you.

08:16  
Blogger Badoozie said...

did someone say booby? love they enemy, for thou doest not know when thy enemy could actually be thy friend, disguised as thy enemy, and that did not make sense. but that is how i am. a blonde trapped in a brunette head.

12:15  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least you got your money first. The new ERP (Employees to Remain Peasants) system screws up payroll constantly. People have to demand vouchers to be payed. This has been going on for months but the system was put in by people well connected by the Lords of the Land.

05:52  

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