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Monday, January 01, 2007

First Post

Good! I see everyone survived the madness that is New Year's Eve. It was a semi-exciting time for me. Here I was, just chillin with the stupid cats watching TV. You know, low key.

But it was not to be. I had to make a little side trip to a hospital. I got the call out at 10:30 PM or so. I had to get dressed, go outside, drive around all manners of road side explosives, pass the cop driving slow to see who had the balls to pass (speed limit was 40, cop was cruising at 30. NOBODY was passing. Gutless wonders! OH NO!!! 40 MPH!!!!! I never went that fast before!), stop for more gas because the low fuel light was glowing super bright, and so on. It was an adventure on its own.

My parents had hit the streets to chill downtown with thousands of people getting drunk and watching some big stupid orange creep up the side of a tall building. But my mom got sick and was transported by Fire Rescue. So much for watching the stupid orange. So far things seem to be ok, my working theory is that it was just a matter of going out too soon after a mild flu. But my dad has good insurance so they hooked up all the machines that go BEEP and PING and shit.

Another thing - WTF is up with people and guns on New Year's Eve? Leaving the hospital parking lot at 11:45 PM some asshole unloaded a high capacity magazine no more than a block away. There were 15 to 18 rounds unloaded rapidly. The most likely suspect guns would be a 9mm pistol, a .40 pistol, or some sort of AK, SKS, or AR-15 rifle. You can get high capacity .45 magazines, but they are not as common cause with a .45 pistol the magazine would hang too far out the bottom of the gun. But high capacity 9mm or .40 magazines are fairly common. And high capacity mags for an AK?? Please! The Russians made that rifle to lay down some serious firepower! And the Russians made some good shit. The AK is one of the best designed rifles ever made. The US made M-14 is good - but complicated. The AK is brutal and simple. If I knew how close the gun shots were, I could better judge if it was a pistol or rifle. Friggin idiots.

So anyway, after dodging the hail of falling lead and the road side explosives and the slow driving cops - I get home about 5 minutes before midnight. I busted out with my boat emergency flare gun and popped off a few expired flares (they expired in 1988) to see if they still work. They do. I keep my non-expired flares for real emergency use - and to meet USCG requirements. You must have at least three non-expired night time signals - which I have.

Well that is about it. My "low key" new year. At least I can not say that 2007 started off being boring! You know when you are driving past road side explosives that you probably need to be somewhere else.

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Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

I hope your mother makes a speedy recovery. Hospitals are very scary places. I hate waking up and hearing the nurses laughing.

I'm a big fan of flare gun fun.

Happy New Year.

Blogger UNO said...

Hey it could have been worse, but could have been better too. Mine was about the same, less exciting maybe on account of not having automatic rifles.

Blogger AP3 said...

Yes, best to your mother!

Glad you survived the night.

Rabbit, rabbit!

Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Sorry about your mom! Hope she's truly okay.

Yeah, what is up with gun fire as a celebration? Those bullets come DOWN, and hard.

Happy new year.

Blogger Jersey McJones said...

Lazy! I like the site! Hope your mom's okay. I just went to a party, got trashed, took some of the party home with me, got more trashed, and now I feel like a steaming pile of crap still today!

Good ol' New Years...

Ciao, JMJ

Blogger Kristen said...

I hope Iguana Mom is okay, too. I once dated a guy who thought it was okay to fire a gun into the air - a shotgun, mind you, Saddam-style - at midnight on New Year's. We're not together anymore.

2006 wasn't boring for me, but it wasn't the best year, either. I hope that 2007 is quieter but better. A nice, quiet lottery win would be optimum.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Actually a shotgun is a hell of a lot better to fire than a handgun or rifle. I have had bird shot rain down on me and it is just annoying. Not painful.

Blogger Dusty said...

My dear Iguana,

My own mumsie is in the hospital..but thankfully 4 hours away. I have the excuse that my missing discs in the lower back keep me from riding in a car for that long a period of time. I hope yours is home soon.

I live in the most redneck part of CA. and it sounded like downtown Baghdad at midnight here. I laid in bed wondering if any bullets were going to come crashing through my new years resolution was to have none make that trip..and they didn' I am ahead of the game and kept my resolution already!

Great site btw.

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Best wishes to your mother.
I did a brief stint in the emergency room myself last Friday morning. I was nauseous, so I thought I had food poisoning. I became dizzy and started staggering. No, I wasn't drinking. A co-worker took my blood pressure and found it to be 150/100. Yikes! It turned out to be hardened wax pressing against the ear drum--yech! But at least it wasn't a heart attack or such, as I was fearing.

Idiots + Guns. A fatal pairing. Sadly, not often enough for the idiot with the gun.

Anonymous ElizabethBranford said...

Ear wax can do that to a person? Damn.

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