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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Can't Hold Out Much Longer

Things are getting desperate here. I just took beer-ventory and things look bleak! All I have left is three Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambics. My least favorite Samuel Adams selection. The stuff is way too sweet to be called "beer". It flavor is heavily influenced by maple syrup. Want to know just how desperate things are? I am drinking a Perrier. PERRIER!

Why Perrier? I got myself addicted to the stuff. It all started during the "freedom fries" bullshit. You know, when everything French was anti-American. Then to compound things, at my last job I had secret ways to get the stuff for free. Not all the time mind you! But there were occasions when I could get the stuff - and I would. So I got addicted to it. And now I buy it.

How embarrassing for the USA. Truly, the "freedom fries" episode will go down in history as a national disgrace. France should have asked for the Statue Of Liberty back - you know since we were not going to need it anymore.

Anyhow - I need to get more beer. Maybe some fine Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. That is some good stuff.

This reminds me! We have a new GOOBERner. Jeb Bush is not in office anymore. So now is my chance to grass roots for some REAL PROGRESSIVE CHANGE in Florida! Or as I like to call it, FloriDUH. Seriously - there are some real winners here. Special Olympics gold helmet winning, short bus riding, winners. The people who put the DUH in FloriDUH.

Anyhow, on to the progressive change for a better Florida. In the summer of 1999 I took a family vacation to Arizona. One of my uncles lives there. Anyway, on day 1 I flew from MIA to LAS (Miami to Vegas for all you non-airport code knowing people), rented a car, and drove to Prescott Arizona. A quaint little town.

We got into town somewhat early, so everyone decided to go to "town square" because there was some kind of thing going on. Across the street from the court house I saw a sign. A glowing, beautiful neon sign that beaconed me to come hither. Prescott Brewery.

So I go in. I was thirsty. You know, the desert air and blah blah blah. I was born and raised in the swamps of South Florida. The whole dry desert things was new to me.

Now here is where the progressive change comes in. In Arizona you can get BEER TO GO! Yes. You can order yourself a 64 ounce jug of draft beer and get it to go. In Florida you are a criminal the instant you remove that beer from the bar. But not in Arizona! Oh no. They will even give you little plastic cups with that 64 ounce jug to go. To me this was amazing.

We need that in Florida! I like to go to this place where they make their own beer. The beer there is VERY good shit. And I should know. You know those wine snobs? Well I am almost like that with beer. I would not know a good wine if it kicked me in the nut sack, but I know my beer.

How about it Charlie Crist? Beer to go in Florida! This way I can go to Titanic Brewery in Coral Gables with 6 empty bottles and a hand held bottle capping device. I can have the bottles filled with a wonderful IPA, seal the bottles with a cap, then take em home! I could also have them filled with a fine bitter, or a great brown ale - or maybe even a seasonal! And if I have a wild crazy party I could get a 5 gallon soda keg filled with beer.

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Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

You can't get beer-to-go in PA either. In fact, it's difficult to buy beer except by the case. PA is a strange state for alcohol altogether.

Good luck with the beer to go thingie. Don't hold your breath.

Blogger Fuzz said...

My Dad, may he rest in peace, spoke about, as a child, running down to the corner to get a pitcher of beer for his Dad. Of course that was a long time ago.

Blogger Senor Caiman said...

Arizona is funny no huge wet spots under my arms there but my eyes are so red that people think I'm on drugs.

Blogger Badoozie said...


anyway, i need your mailing address so i can send you the t-shirt you won. since everyone seems to think your car is messy, you deserve a reward for all that trouble...don't be scared, i won't stalk you and even if i did, you might like it

Blogger Cheesemeister said...

You can't get beer to go in Colorado. You can in certain places in Wyoming, but not in an open container. It has to be sold in a sealed bottle.
I actually like Perrier, but it makes me belch. Great fun sometimes, but even someone as immature as I am gets tired of it after awhile.
The only place I ever saw "Freedom Fries" was at the Colorado State Fair in Pueblo. El Paso County (I think Pueblo's in El Paso County) is ultra redneck conservative. I thought it was ridiculous myself. I mean, what are the other ones? Enslaved Fries? Don't we have bigger battles to fight??

Anonymous ElizabethBranford said...

Iguana, it does my heart good to see you fess up to your Perrier. Thats the first step. The statue thing was pretty funny, it was a damned shameful time.

Now I like wine, but for some reason, I like my beer. I like finding little breweries, and someday want to try to make it but I'm way too busy to even contemplate that.

Its always strange to go to places with lax rules when you come from beer prude places like I do and you do. And Europe was an even bigger shock as I dont even think we paid, people just kept bringing it out, on the streets. We even drank on a bus, shared with the driver, and he crashed into a building. Good times!

Now of course I would call that stupid now. But the point is, there are some carry-overs from the temperance movement and people still make alcohol a moral issue. Whats the difference?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

It is all stupid. I mean, if I can buy as many cases of canned crappy beer from the supermarket - why the hell can't I buy a 6 pack to go from a restaurant that makes their own beer? Will the beer to go make me more drunk than the 1.5 liter bottle of vodka I can buy at the liquor store? Will it make me more drunk than a 24 can case of Miller Lite?

It really is dumb when you think about it.

Blogger dusty said...

Have you tried any of the Cali micro brews from Stone? Some very tasty offerings not to mention great names like:

Arrogant Bastard Ale

here is their link:

Blogger Kristen said...

I refuse to acknowledge that any good beer exists outside of Europe. There's no arguing this point with me, either.

And are you saying that you'd be okay with a beer kicking you in the nut sack as long as it was a good beer?

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

There is NO BEER that can kick me in the coin purse. I am the master of all beers.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beer to go would be a great thing as the Titanic has some good beers. That would solve my problem. See I won't go in the place anymore buy I miss the beer. Beer to go would let me drink lots of the beer without having to stay there!

No for the Perrier thing.
Perrier is water the French piss in to sell to "the stupid Americans" so they can laugh at us! If you enjoy Perrier so much maybe you better make sure someone isn't peeing in your coffee (as seen on TV)


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