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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Breaking Point

WARNING - now is a GOOD TIME to go on news strike. Yes, avoid any and all sources of news. Watching the "news" will turn your brain into mush, you will drool on yourself, and the things President Bush says will start to make sense to you.

Now why would I call for a NATIONAL NEWS STRIKE? Simple. There is no news to be found anywhere. Here is a short list of things eating up ALL the national news time, which I do not give a crap about.

1. Howard K. Stern (or whatever the crap the middle initial is).
2. Who be the baby daddy
3. Methadone in the fridge
4. Seminole Hard Rock hotel/casino
5. Hollywood Police Department
6. Whatever crap Larry King is talking about
7. Large homes in the Bahamas.
8. Dead former Playboy models.
9. Bill Cosby's dog
10. Whatever crap Michael Bolton (the former UN guy not the awful music guy) is saying.
11. The other Michael Bolton
12. Miami Heat news.
13. RICK FUCKING SANCHEZ - get his ass off my TV forever.

Now if you want to avoid ANY of these things, avoid cable news shows. All of them. They all suck. How long as Anna-Nicole Smith been dead? Days already. So why is it still news?

YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD! How could you say this? I know you are thinking this. So here it goes.

It is always sad when people expire. Well not ALWAYS, there are some people we make special exceptions for when they croak - but for most people it is sad. And yea I can dig that Anna-Nicole's FAMILY is sad. But it is NOT NATIONAL NEWS! People die every day! They get little more fanfare than a short obituary in the local paper. Is she more important than your grandmother? How about anyone else who died in your family? From a human standpoint no, she is not any more or less important. But did ANYONE you know who died get this much air time? Mother Teresa did not get this much air time! Of course, Mother Teresa had bad timing, she died when someone else was sucking up all the news air time.

We the people need to TAKE BACK OUR NEWS!!!! So join me in the national news strike! Refuse to watch ANY news! Send off emails and letters saying "I am not going to watch your shit unless you air REAL NEWS and get off the bullshit". If you are really hardcore, ditch the cable TV service - and let the provider know why.

I can promise you this - if you watch ANY of the media circus that has already started YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! Do not buy any magazines. Do not watch any TV programs. change the channels to the Game Show Network and play along with The Match Game when the news starts to talk about bullshit (which is all the time).

If you choose to take part by buying shit and watching crap - you are feeding the junk news industry. By simply watching you are contributing to the value of advertising time on the "news" channels. This frantic scramble for those advertising dollars is what drives ALL networks to do whatever it takes to attract viewers. If you bought ANY Princess Diana magazines (when she was alive) YOU helped to make photos of her valuable to assholes with cameras - and in a way you helped kill her. Not me, because I never once bought any of that shit. The assholes with cameras got $0 of my money directly or indirectly. Same for authors of these worthless "tell all" books.

Think about it. No magazine sales = no big bucks for photos. No big bucks for photos = the photos are worthless. Worthless photos = no assholes with cameras dogging people everywhere they go. No assholes with cameras dogging people = no having to drive fast in Paris. And so on. it really does lead right back to the end consumer, for they are the source of all the money.

The choice is really up to you. Do you choose to feed into the madness and watch it? If so, you ARE part of the problem. Will you choose to not take part in any of this? If so you are part of the solution. I am being part of the solution now. NO NEWS! NONE!

Tomorrow we will return to something with more humor content. Like that will be hard to do! That is like saying "tomorrow we will smell something that smells BETTER than a pile of human bodies after being left outside for a few days in South Florida in August!"

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Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Yeah, I was just wondering why that slutbag Paris Hilton and her crack whore girlfriend Britney Spears were on the cover of NEWSWEEK, which, by its title, is supposed to be a NEWS magazine but has really become nothing more than People with some real news thrown in here and there.

Blogger Badoozie said...

well you will be proud to know i do not partake of the news. but can i still buy cosmo magazine? please? there are good sex articles in there.

Blogger Tom & Icy said...

You mean giving up Nancy Grace? She believes everybody is guilty of something and her mission in life is to prove it.

Blogger Michael said...

Thanks for saying it, Lazy. I may just link to this post...

Blogger actonbell said...

LOL, Tom, I was just going to badmouth Nancy Grace--I don't have cable, and the only CNN show I get is called HEADLINE News, and what do I get?

Good post, LI. I wish people would read the NEWSPAPER. They're going out of style, which is a shame, because all the stuff they don't have enough time before that commercial to tell you is written down someplace in your local newspaper.

Blogger actonbell said...

I meant to add, jolly good show for not mentioning Valentine's Day.

Blogger Senor Caiman said...

The Lazy,

The liberal media has destroyed this country. The St. Petersburg Times in particular. I can't think of a more embarassing job than media liberal person

Blogger Fuzz said...

Again, I recommend "How the News Makes Us Dumb" by C. John Sommerville.
I don't watch TV intentionally, but sometimes it' hard to avoid.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I appears NASA's latest endeavor is a complete success!!! See the conspiracy theory is that Anna was given a secret poison obtain from alien technology. Why would they embark on such a mission you ask? I will tell you, when was the last time you heard diapers mentioned in a new story. It all makes sense now doesn't it!

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Cheese - Hilton and Spears belong on the cover of "Skanks" not "Newsweek". That said however, I will admit that I would not kick em out of bed immediately. I think I could tolerate either of them for at least three hours. Both of them together I could probably tolerate for an hour or two longer.

Badoozie - you can still read Cosmo. Just rip out the pages with the photos and celeb articles first and demand that you only be charged for the pages you are going to use.

Tom - Nancy Grace is guilty and I know what she is guilty of! More to come.

Michael - link away! Cut and paste the post if you like.

Actionbell - The local newspaper is not much better than the TV. Sadly. As for the "no fake holiday" thing, I got pre-occupied with the whole "the news sucks" thing.

Caiman - the media destroyed the media. And the public is the accomplice. By not demanding more we allowed it to get to where it is.

Fuzz - the TV is hard to avoid. I watch it. Just not news shows. Except for The Daily Show sometimes. But that is really a comedy show that just happens to contain more news in 1/2 hour than a "real" news show contains in 2 hours.

Anonymous - I am not exactly following your dots here. I get the connection between aliens and space diapers, but you loose me after that :)

Blogger Badoozie said...

can i wipe my butt with the rest of the pages? so i don't have to throw a fit in the store and all.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Why should you spend money on crap you are not going to read? This is about consumer choice - not throwing a fit. You can buy only 6 eggs at the store right? You can buy less than a gallon of milk right? You can but single beers right?

So why can't you choose the parts of the magazine you want and which parts you do not want?

Blogger Fuzz said...

I guess there are times when one beer is enough.

Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Very often all I want is one beer.


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